The Action Mutant…
says life is alright in America, if you are white in America. (yes, a musical reference by TAM!)
Mixed Blood
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Ummm...Merry Christmas?
The Plot, as it was:
Marília Pêra stars as Rita LaPunta, a Brazilian matriarch of an army of street kids that push her drugs in the Alphabet City neighborhood in Manhattan. Her hold over her only biological son Thiago (Richard Ulacia) is almost incestuous, as she fawns over him & seemingly controls every aspect of his life. That is until the high society girlfriend (Linda Kerridge) of Rita’s German drug supplier (Ulrich Berr) falls for Thiago & wants to experience gang life herself. Couple that with the rival Latino gang that’s working with other forces to bring Rita’s Mateceros down and you have a situation that even a Menudo party couldn’t solve (and Rita loves her some Menudo!).
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
The underrated greatness of Mixed Blood lies not only in its grass roots production style (i.e. there isn’t much production to speak of) but in its sheer audaciousness in looking at the supposed realities of urban life. I say “supposed” because while the film boasts the look of an eye opening expose into urban plight, its really a darkly funny, gangland melodrama in the grand tradition of 70s exploitation fare. It’s a Dickensian nightmare that involves Latin music & crack…and given its writer/director (Paul Morrissey, Andy Warhol’s main director), is probably told by someone on the stuff. How else do you explain the scene where the neighborhood addicts line up on the street & order their drugs as if they were at a cafeteria (“Coke or Heroin?”)? Or where a rival gang member is lured into a sexual tryst (on a mattress in the middle of an alley…classy), only to be run down by a car driven by some Mateceros while on said mattress? Nothing is ever on an even keel in this one, which also includes the acting. One of Morrissey’s trademarks is using amateur actors in his productions and that results here in some interesting performances. Marcelino Rivera (as ex-cop/co-conspirator Hector) goes into profanity laden histrionics seemingly at a moment’s notice, which goes ditto for Angel David as Juan the Bullet. However, the two can’t hold a candle to Ulacia, who’s yelling of EVERY SINGLE LINE in an almost unintelligible manner, reminded me of pro wrestler The Great Khali. Oddly enough (as many message posters have mentioned), the fact that his character is slow in nature is strangely belied by the constant bellowing (“I DON’T LIKE IT!”). The absolute center of the film is Pêra & she gives a show that is deserving of that distinction. As LaPunta, Pêra is charismatic, sensual & all around amazing in taking what could be a one-dimensional coke lord and making her a fully fledged, enigmatic force of nature. Like many villainous characters, she ends up strangely likable despite using her “kids” as her own personal army & her tenuous grab over Thiago. Everyone can empathize with capitalizing on a dream and doing anything to keep that dream a reality (which is probably why a similar film in Scarface has maintained its popularity all of these years). Her performance keeps the film grounded when it seems like it should fly off the rails & gives odd moments (like the scene in the Menudo store) an eerily charming resonance to them. Right up to the final bloodletting, her imbalance between sweet mother figure & ruthless tyrant makes the imbalance the film has between the real and the surreal all the more mesmerizing.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John Leguizamo is a Macetero during the basketball court beating (in his first film role).
Body Count/Violence: 24. Though it wears its low budget squarely on its sleeve, Mixed Blood manages to be quite visceral when it needs to be. Many a gangbanger is shot down in bloody fashion, as well as being stabbed (both by knife and in the neck via a needle), run down by car, beaten down, thrown off roofs, etc.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: All of these kids must have been watching Tony Montana before filming began because the F bombs (among other words) are dropped with great frequency.
How bad was it?:
There aren’t many reviews on Mixed Blood as not many people have seen it (6.0 based on 160 votes on IMDB). Viewer feedback skews very wildly, with people either appreciating its exploitive nature or not caring for it. Personally, I think some people weren’t in on the joke.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
AMLF & Sara Films, a French production company, produced Mixed Blood and distributed it through Cinevista. It was released in America on 10/18/85 on a limited basis. No box office or budget records are public.
Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Stone Killer
The Action Mutant…
wonders of the possibilities for “Bronson’s Lead Sandwiches” as a franchise.
The Stone Killer
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
You may have noticed two comments that were deleted from my recent review of Instant Justice. Just so no one thinks I’m trying to be a tyrant of some kind, I’ll just say that they were deleted because I didn’t want there to be multiple posts full of inane bickering. However, just to reiterate for that reader in question:
I am not jealous of Michael Pare. That’s laughable because if I was, I’d have to be jealous of the hundreds of other actors that have more name recognition than he does. I thought it was readily apparent in that opening perspective that I was poking fun at critics (which would also mean me) that would chastise Mr. Pare’s steady yet unspectacular career while he was living it up in Amsterdam. Obviously, this dear reader didn’t read the entire article or he would have realized that I was being tongue in cheek. And as for not researching well for these reviews, I believe I do more than my fair share of it to make sure these are entertaining & factual. If I’m not sure of something, I don’t write it. I don’t “make shit up”, so to speak. Sorry to have subjected you fair minded readers to this but sometimes it takes one person to ruin shit for everyone.
The Plot, as it was:
Charles Bronson stars as Lou Torrey, an NYC cop transferred to Los Angeles with a reputation as a reckless force (he shot a teenager who pulled a gun on him during a chase). When an informant (Eddie Firestone) is shot dead in his care, Torrey investigates what prompted the slaying. Torrey eventually uncovers a twisted murder plot in which Don Alberto Vescari (Martin Balsam) plans on taking out the remaining mob bosses in the area through unconventional channels. As expected, Torrey also has to deal with police personnel in nervous Lt. Daniels (Norman Fell!) and a bigoted bungler of a partner named Matthews (Ralph Waite!).
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Cop: “He has a big gun.”
Lou Torrey: “…and a short future.”
With that brief exchange in the opening moments of The Stone Killer, viewers know all too well what to expect. Bronson goes to his second specialty in playing the rogue cop that bends the law to get results. Eastwood did it most memorably almost two years earlier in Dirty Harry & while this effort is lesser, it isn’t entirely disposable. At 95 minutes, TSK is certainly brisk and takes no time at getting to the point. Director Michael Winner (helming a Bronson pic for the 3rd time, after Chato’s Land & The Mechanic) is all brass tacks filmmaking here, showing off the action with no frills & a lean, brutal streak. That description obviously parallels its star as well as Bronson is at his cagey best. He’s at home in this universe, whether he’s cracking dry one liners & laying down hard ass dialogue as only Old Stoneface can. He’s also aided by a pretty solid supporting cast, including the future Mr. Roper, Walter Burke as a nervous drug dealer & Paul Koslo in an off key role of a bisexual trumpet player (acting with a manner similar to his one scene role in The Laughing Policeman). However, what makes this less memorable in the eyes of Bronson-philes is the inclusion of some heavy subjects that aren’t really milked for their full potential. There’s really no rhyme or reason to Ralph Waite’s racist cop being in the film other than providing Bronson with an occasional foil. Aside from a few comments that allow Torrey to respond tolerantly, Waite’s Matthews is just around for occasional comic relief & the whole thing comes off as a wasted opportunity. The whole “Vietnam vet” angle used is another arc that is briefly explored but doesn’t really go beyond being paid lip service. The plot moves all over the place, which is pretty unusual for a Bronson pic and it comes off a bit too ambitious for an hour and a half feature. When the action comes to the forefront, the film moves & moves well, with the finale making for a good set piece to let the corpses start piling up at a fast pace. The audience is left with one of those trademark, ambiguous, 70s endings that either makes sense to you or leaves you saying “That’s it?” There’s nothing wrong with that but its hardly memorable enough of a note to go out on, leaving The Stone Killer to be not much more than a decent time killer for your rainy day plans.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John Ritter is Officer Mort, the cop that escorts prisoner Gus Lipper (David Moody).
Body Count/Violence: 26. Bronson hands out most of the piping hot lead sandwiches as usual, as well as running a suspect through a store window with his car (the end result of one of the film’s occasional car chases)! The shooting is sometimes bloody & manages to produce some sort of record for stunt dummies used (as this article hilariously points out. Note: Does it surprise anyone that Bronson did a commercial for a product named Mandom?)
Sexuality/Nudity: A brief shot of a topless woman in bed is shown early in the movie. Alfred Langley’s (Koslo) bed partner is shown in his underwear but that’s as far as that goes. Langley dies soon afterwards at the hands of Bronson, which may or may not have been coincidental.
Language/Dialogue: Somewhere between mild & strong, with an inconsistent racial slur or two used.
How bad was it?:
If you’re familiar with the critical response of Bronson’s other vehicles, it won’t surprise you to learn that the reviews here are just as mixed as any other. Ebert described it as “…stylish escapism at breakneck speed” but preceded it with “it’s not much more nor does it mean to be”. Other reviews pretty much had their stars (or thumbs) planted squarely in the middle.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Columbia Pictures released The Stone Killer in America on 8/8/73, almost a full year before Bronson’s star making turn in Death Wish. No box office or budget figures are public. It isn’t available on DVD in the States but it is on British region free DVD here.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
wonders of the possibilities for “Bronson’s Lead Sandwiches” as a franchise.
The Stone Killer
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
You may have noticed two comments that were deleted from my recent review of Instant Justice. Just so no one thinks I’m trying to be a tyrant of some kind, I’ll just say that they were deleted because I didn’t want there to be multiple posts full of inane bickering. However, just to reiterate for that reader in question:
I am not jealous of Michael Pare. That’s laughable because if I was, I’d have to be jealous of the hundreds of other actors that have more name recognition than he does. I thought it was readily apparent in that opening perspective that I was poking fun at critics (which would also mean me) that would chastise Mr. Pare’s steady yet unspectacular career while he was living it up in Amsterdam. Obviously, this dear reader didn’t read the entire article or he would have realized that I was being tongue in cheek. And as for not researching well for these reviews, I believe I do more than my fair share of it to make sure these are entertaining & factual. If I’m not sure of something, I don’t write it. I don’t “make shit up”, so to speak. Sorry to have subjected you fair minded readers to this but sometimes it takes one person to ruin shit for everyone.
The Plot, as it was:
Charles Bronson stars as Lou Torrey, an NYC cop transferred to Los Angeles with a reputation as a reckless force (he shot a teenager who pulled a gun on him during a chase). When an informant (Eddie Firestone) is shot dead in his care, Torrey investigates what prompted the slaying. Torrey eventually uncovers a twisted murder plot in which Don Alberto Vescari (Martin Balsam) plans on taking out the remaining mob bosses in the area through unconventional channels. As expected, Torrey also has to deal with police personnel in nervous Lt. Daniels (Norman Fell!) and a bigoted bungler of a partner named Matthews (Ralph Waite!).
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Cop: “He has a big gun.”
Lou Torrey: “…and a short future.”
With that brief exchange in the opening moments of The Stone Killer, viewers know all too well what to expect. Bronson goes to his second specialty in playing the rogue cop that bends the law to get results. Eastwood did it most memorably almost two years earlier in Dirty Harry & while this effort is lesser, it isn’t entirely disposable. At 95 minutes, TSK is certainly brisk and takes no time at getting to the point. Director Michael Winner (helming a Bronson pic for the 3rd time, after Chato’s Land & The Mechanic) is all brass tacks filmmaking here, showing off the action with no frills & a lean, brutal streak. That description obviously parallels its star as well as Bronson is at his cagey best. He’s at home in this universe, whether he’s cracking dry one liners & laying down hard ass dialogue as only Old Stoneface can. He’s also aided by a pretty solid supporting cast, including the future Mr. Roper, Walter Burke as a nervous drug dealer & Paul Koslo in an off key role of a bisexual trumpet player (acting with a manner similar to his one scene role in The Laughing Policeman). However, what makes this less memorable in the eyes of Bronson-philes is the inclusion of some heavy subjects that aren’t really milked for their full potential. There’s really no rhyme or reason to Ralph Waite’s racist cop being in the film other than providing Bronson with an occasional foil. Aside from a few comments that allow Torrey to respond tolerantly, Waite’s Matthews is just around for occasional comic relief & the whole thing comes off as a wasted opportunity. The whole “Vietnam vet” angle used is another arc that is briefly explored but doesn’t really go beyond being paid lip service. The plot moves all over the place, which is pretty unusual for a Bronson pic and it comes off a bit too ambitious for an hour and a half feature. When the action comes to the forefront, the film moves & moves well, with the finale making for a good set piece to let the corpses start piling up at a fast pace. The audience is left with one of those trademark, ambiguous, 70s endings that either makes sense to you or leaves you saying “That’s it?” There’s nothing wrong with that but its hardly memorable enough of a note to go out on, leaving The Stone Killer to be not much more than a decent time killer for your rainy day plans.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John Ritter is Officer Mort, the cop that escorts prisoner Gus Lipper (David Moody).
Body Count/Violence: 26. Bronson hands out most of the piping hot lead sandwiches as usual, as well as running a suspect through a store window with his car (the end result of one of the film’s occasional car chases)! The shooting is sometimes bloody & manages to produce some sort of record for stunt dummies used (as this article hilariously points out. Note: Does it surprise anyone that Bronson did a commercial for a product named Mandom?)
Sexuality/Nudity: A brief shot of a topless woman in bed is shown early in the movie. Alfred Langley’s (Koslo) bed partner is shown in his underwear but that’s as far as that goes. Langley dies soon afterwards at the hands of Bronson, which may or may not have been coincidental.
Language/Dialogue: Somewhere between mild & strong, with an inconsistent racial slur or two used.
How bad was it?:
If you’re familiar with the critical response of Bronson’s other vehicles, it won’t surprise you to learn that the reviews here are just as mixed as any other. Ebert described it as “…stylish escapism at breakneck speed” but preceded it with “it’s not much more nor does it mean to be”. Other reviews pretty much had their stars (or thumbs) planted squarely in the middle.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Columbia Pictures released The Stone Killer in America on 8/8/73, almost a full year before Bronson’s star making turn in Death Wish. No box office or budget figures are public. It isn’t available on DVD in the States but it is on British region free DVD here.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Mr. Nice Guy (1997 - Uncut Version)
The Action Mutant…
needs a stuntman for everyday life.
Mr. Nice Guy
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Once again, another goodie from the unratedjoe file that features my favorite Action star…that uses weapons…but rarely a gun. My favorite to always use a gun is Bronson. Ok, this is just a way for me to get around having to choose between Charlie & the Chan man. I just can’t do it! (Note: This is a review of the 94 minute Hong Kong version, which is 6 minutes longer than the U.S. version)
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie is Jackie (seriously, Chan is the Tony Danza of Hong Kong), a TV show cook who aids news reporter Diana (Gabrielle Fitzpatrick) as she is chased by the mob & street gangs. They all want a tape she shot of a drug deal gone bad, as if there’s ever a drug deal gone good in these things. Of course, her tape gets mixed up with a tape of Jackie’s cooking show & hijinks ensue. You think I overdid the plot synopsis? Three sentences seemed to be a bit much.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though I seemingly say this with every Chan film I review, the storyline in Mr. Nice Guy is about as razor thin as one can get. Oddly enough, the movie is almost a step-by-step redux of Chan’s American groundbreaker Rumble in the Bronx (complete with annoying ice cream vendor guy & yellow vehicle used for climactic destruction)! The villains are as cutout as can be, the women are around to be “damsels in distress” and Jackie isn’t even a good cook (sorry, that sloppy dicing technique didn’t cut it for me)! There are convenient turns & unintentional laughs (wow, that incriminating video manages to have multiple camera angles…even though it was shot from one spot! Bitchin’ technology!). Any Chan vehicle is mainly memorable for its parts, not the sum of the whole and Mr. Nice Guy is no exception. In fact, those parts make for some of the craziest, most creative sequences of his cinematic career. Coupled with the sure hand of director & long time collaborator Sammo Hung (who has an amusing cameo as an abused bicyclist), Jackie is either fighting thugs in the back of a van in motion or hitmen in the back of a horse drawn carriage. Of course, Jackie is more than willing to let you know he’s in danger of dying several times during the film, whether he’s almost run over by a bulldozer or nearly unmanned by a band saw! Hardcore fans may be disappointed that there’s no climactic fight between their hero & Martial Arts stalwart Richard Norton (playing the over the top villain here) but that’s only a minor quibble amongst quite a few of them. Mr. Nice Guy may not be a classic in the pantheon of Chan but after 90+ minutes of seemingly non stop chase, it’s pretty easy to forget what its not & enjoy what it is.
Body Count/Violence: 6. As mentioned, Mr. Nice Guy is more of a chase film so not too many buy the farm in this one (a few shootings & stabbings, as well as someone being buried alive underneath a pile of gravel). Plenty of brawls with many weapons used, window crashing, car wrecks & explosions make up the bulk of the mayhem.
Sexuality/Nudity: Gabrielle Fitzpatrick…in her underwear…running in slow motion. This might be Sammo Hung’s best directorial moment ever. Well, this and the final fight in The Prodigal Son. They’re pretty close. There’s also a scene of a woman (Judy Green) in a bikini.
Language/Dialogue: Just a few mild profanities, if that.
How bad was it?:
In the States, the reviews were as mixed as ever for any Chan film that came after Bronx. Those that focused merely on the action & sight gags (Roger Ebert, being one of Chan’s frequent champions) maintained positive reviews, while those that looked at the flick’s more weaker aspects (plot, acting, etc.) tended to be less kind to it.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Golden Harvest launched Mr. Nice Guy as a Hong Kong Lunar Year release on 1/31/97. It did the usual spectacular returns that Chan’s movies do there, grossing $45.4 million HK in less than three months time. It went on to do considerably less business when it was released in America by New Line Cinema on 3/20/98, debuting in 6th place behind new competition Primary Colors & Wild Things with $5.3 million. It folded shortly afterwards with a total stateside gross of $12.7 million.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
needs a stuntman for everyday life.
Mr. Nice Guy
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Once again, another goodie from the unratedjoe file that features my favorite Action star…that uses weapons…but rarely a gun. My favorite to always use a gun is Bronson. Ok, this is just a way for me to get around having to choose between Charlie & the Chan man. I just can’t do it! (Note: This is a review of the 94 minute Hong Kong version, which is 6 minutes longer than the U.S. version)
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie is Jackie (seriously, Chan is the Tony Danza of Hong Kong), a TV show cook who aids news reporter Diana (Gabrielle Fitzpatrick) as she is chased by the mob & street gangs. They all want a tape she shot of a drug deal gone bad, as if there’s ever a drug deal gone good in these things. Of course, her tape gets mixed up with a tape of Jackie’s cooking show & hijinks ensue. You think I overdid the plot synopsis? Three sentences seemed to be a bit much.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though I seemingly say this with every Chan film I review, the storyline in Mr. Nice Guy is about as razor thin as one can get. Oddly enough, the movie is almost a step-by-step redux of Chan’s American groundbreaker Rumble in the Bronx (complete with annoying ice cream vendor guy & yellow vehicle used for climactic destruction)! The villains are as cutout as can be, the women are around to be “damsels in distress” and Jackie isn’t even a good cook (sorry, that sloppy dicing technique didn’t cut it for me)! There are convenient turns & unintentional laughs (wow, that incriminating video manages to have multiple camera angles…even though it was shot from one spot! Bitchin’ technology!). Any Chan vehicle is mainly memorable for its parts, not the sum of the whole and Mr. Nice Guy is no exception. In fact, those parts make for some of the craziest, most creative sequences of his cinematic career. Coupled with the sure hand of director & long time collaborator Sammo Hung (who has an amusing cameo as an abused bicyclist), Jackie is either fighting thugs in the back of a van in motion or hitmen in the back of a horse drawn carriage. Of course, Jackie is more than willing to let you know he’s in danger of dying several times during the film, whether he’s almost run over by a bulldozer or nearly unmanned by a band saw! Hardcore fans may be disappointed that there’s no climactic fight between their hero & Martial Arts stalwart Richard Norton (playing the over the top villain here) but that’s only a minor quibble amongst quite a few of them. Mr. Nice Guy may not be a classic in the pantheon of Chan but after 90+ minutes of seemingly non stop chase, it’s pretty easy to forget what its not & enjoy what it is.
Body Count/Violence: 6. As mentioned, Mr. Nice Guy is more of a chase film so not too many buy the farm in this one (a few shootings & stabbings, as well as someone being buried alive underneath a pile of gravel). Plenty of brawls with many weapons used, window crashing, car wrecks & explosions make up the bulk of the mayhem.
Sexuality/Nudity: Gabrielle Fitzpatrick…in her underwear…running in slow motion. This might be Sammo Hung’s best directorial moment ever. Well, this and the final fight in The Prodigal Son. They’re pretty close. There’s also a scene of a woman (Judy Green) in a bikini.
Language/Dialogue: Just a few mild profanities, if that.
How bad was it?:
In the States, the reviews were as mixed as ever for any Chan film that came after Bronx. Those that focused merely on the action & sight gags (Roger Ebert, being one of Chan’s frequent champions) maintained positive reviews, while those that looked at the flick’s more weaker aspects (plot, acting, etc.) tended to be less kind to it.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Golden Harvest launched Mr. Nice Guy as a Hong Kong Lunar Year release on 1/31/97. It did the usual spectacular returns that Chan’s movies do there, grossing $45.4 million HK in less than three months time. It went on to do considerably less business when it was released in America by New Line Cinema on 3/20/98, debuting in 6th place behind new competition Primary Colors & Wild Things with $5.3 million. It folded shortly afterwards with a total stateside gross of $12.7 million.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Laughing Policeman
The Action Mutant…
is waiting for the term “fruiter” to make a comeback.
The Laughing Policeman
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
It’s a bit ironic that my viewing of this film coincided with the release of the latest Gus Van Sant film Milk, with Sean Penn already garnering Oscar buzz by playing the first openly gay politician. Needless to say, the handling of the subject of homosexuals between the release of these two films has varied greatly as time has gone on. And yet California, the free wheeling, hippie cousin that rarely gets invited to the party, recently voted AGAINST gay marriage! C-mon, your frat party attending, annoying, goofball cousin Massachusetts beat you to the punch! Even Da Gubenator thinks your wrong & thinks the “fruity pants” should have their rights as well. Cali, I thought I knew you better! Don’t worry; this is about as political as I will get on here. You know, other than talking about the Russkies & the Cold War and how it can all be settled with one boxing match. HEARTS…ON…FIRE! STRONG…DE…SI…RE! Sorry…reflex.
The Plot, as it was:
Walter Matthau (Charley Varrick, Grumpy Old Men) stars as Sgt. Jake Martin, a San Francisco detective that has discovered his partner Dave Evans (Anthony Costello) dead amongst a bus full of slain patrons. Under the impression that Evans was on vacation, Martin begins to realize that his partner was working on a case that Martin failed to close two years previously. Angry and determined to find the bus shooter & tie up loose ends, Martin is reluctantly paired with Leo Larsen (Bruce Dern), a flippant, laid back Inspector that’s the oil to Martin’s very sour water. The clues lead the two down some very lurid paths within a city that has changed before them.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
There are two brilliant sequences within the first 30 minutes of The Laughing Policeman (based on the 1968 Swedish novel) that are just a marvel to watch. After a gunman has bloodily gunned down nine people on a public bus, the police start to slowly file onto the scene’s aftermath. Bit by bit, every detail is broken down; every angle is batted about to try to make sense of what has happened. The crime scene is busted right down to the removal of the bodies and (finally) the bus itself, with the detectives trying to form some sort of foundation as to why each victim was on the bus & a possible target of the killer’s rage. Later, the detectives are talking over the case while in the morgue, their dialogue overlapping with one of the attendants reading off the bodies’ stats with an unrelenting terseness. If the remainder of TLP was equal to these two parts, it would no doubt be a seminal classic in the genre. And while the rest of the flick is engrossing & entertaining, it does have a few faults. While it’s a given that the film is going to be somewhat dated, the scenes where Lou Gossett Jr. (as Insp. James Larrimore) talks “street” with a black pimp & a militant respectively come off forced & foolish (in comparison to the rest of the tale). Fans of political correctness won’t be pleased at how the subject of homosexuality is handled, as it comes off as some sort of sickness that makes bad people worse & more homicidal and/or outlandish (one of the many jaded views that came about before the late 80s). This leads to another “mad, homosexual serial killer” portrayal and while it’s not as insulting as, say Cruising, it does leave one slightly disappointed to learn there’s no real internal motive to the madness. It does give Martin & Larsen an added layer of characterization, as they have a hard time adjusting to the rapidly progressive lifestyle that is becoming of San Fran (though it’s more taciturn Martin showing his disapproval than the more freewheeling Larsen). Matthau is the usual portrait of glumness, doggedly determined while beaten down at the same time (his character’s moments of isolation come across as some of the movie’s better moments). He doesn’t come off as hard as an Eastwood or Bronson but it is a fine departure from cracking dick jokes at Jack Lemmon (not saying that act wasn’t fun, though). However, Dern manages to steal the film outright with his laconic demeanor & dry inflection toward even the smallest dialogue. He’s seemingly the court jester amongst all of the grim realities set before us and he & Matthau have some great back-and-forths in the “cop/buddy” tradition. Director Stuart Rosenberg (Cool Hand Luke) and cinematographer David M. Walsh (Silver Streak, Johnny Dangerously) capture the allure & seamy underbelly of the city well and the supporting cast (including Anthony Zerbe as the surly police chief) adds to the hard boiled nature of the story. By the end of The Laughing Policeman, you feel like you have been along for the detail and (depending on your tolerance for the “by the book”, no frills portrayal of the police work & un-PC views) it proves to be quite the interesting ride.
Body Count/Violence: 18. While not a thrill-ride a minute as far as Action is concerned, TLP has some fine set pieces that include some gory shooting. A fight or two is accompanied by a decent car chase & a woman jumping out of a window.
Sexuality/Nudity: There’s a shot of a topless stripper, as well as a shot of a topless performance artist whose…very rotund. The subject matter tends to be fairly lurid, tackling homosexuality, S&M, prostitution, etc.
Language/Dialogue: With a few F words, the language gets salty on occasion. Let it be known I would follow Dern around & pay him $5 every time he would call someone a “fruiter”.
How bad was it?:
The reviews regard it generally well but its degrees of greatness vary. Some latter day critics were more turned off by some of the takes on homosexuality or felt it was just too slowly paced as compared to others in the genre (Dirty Harry, The French Connection, etc.)
Did it make the studio’s day?:
No box office or budget records are public for this 20th Century Fox distributed film, which saw its premiere in New York on 12/20/73. Since this was the only noted release date of the film in America, it’s likely it wasn’t very widely distributed in its debut.
Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
is waiting for the term “fruiter” to make a comeback.
The Laughing Policeman
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
It’s a bit ironic that my viewing of this film coincided with the release of the latest Gus Van Sant film Milk, with Sean Penn already garnering Oscar buzz by playing the first openly gay politician. Needless to say, the handling of the subject of homosexuals between the release of these two films has varied greatly as time has gone on. And yet California, the free wheeling, hippie cousin that rarely gets invited to the party, recently voted AGAINST gay marriage! C-mon, your frat party attending, annoying, goofball cousin Massachusetts beat you to the punch! Even Da Gubenator thinks your wrong & thinks the “fruity pants” should have their rights as well. Cali, I thought I knew you better! Don’t worry; this is about as political as I will get on here. You know, other than talking about the Russkies & the Cold War and how it can all be settled with one boxing match. HEARTS…ON…FIRE! STRONG…DE…SI…RE! Sorry…reflex.
The Plot, as it was:
Walter Matthau (Charley Varrick, Grumpy Old Men) stars as Sgt. Jake Martin, a San Francisco detective that has discovered his partner Dave Evans (Anthony Costello) dead amongst a bus full of slain patrons. Under the impression that Evans was on vacation, Martin begins to realize that his partner was working on a case that Martin failed to close two years previously. Angry and determined to find the bus shooter & tie up loose ends, Martin is reluctantly paired with Leo Larsen (Bruce Dern), a flippant, laid back Inspector that’s the oil to Martin’s very sour water. The clues lead the two down some very lurid paths within a city that has changed before them.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
There are two brilliant sequences within the first 30 minutes of The Laughing Policeman (based on the 1968 Swedish novel) that are just a marvel to watch. After a gunman has bloodily gunned down nine people on a public bus, the police start to slowly file onto the scene’s aftermath. Bit by bit, every detail is broken down; every angle is batted about to try to make sense of what has happened. The crime scene is busted right down to the removal of the bodies and (finally) the bus itself, with the detectives trying to form some sort of foundation as to why each victim was on the bus & a possible target of the killer’s rage. Later, the detectives are talking over the case while in the morgue, their dialogue overlapping with one of the attendants reading off the bodies’ stats with an unrelenting terseness. If the remainder of TLP was equal to these two parts, it would no doubt be a seminal classic in the genre. And while the rest of the flick is engrossing & entertaining, it does have a few faults. While it’s a given that the film is going to be somewhat dated, the scenes where Lou Gossett Jr. (as Insp. James Larrimore) talks “street” with a black pimp & a militant respectively come off forced & foolish (in comparison to the rest of the tale). Fans of political correctness won’t be pleased at how the subject of homosexuality is handled, as it comes off as some sort of sickness that makes bad people worse & more homicidal and/or outlandish (one of the many jaded views that came about before the late 80s). This leads to another “mad, homosexual serial killer” portrayal and while it’s not as insulting as, say Cruising, it does leave one slightly disappointed to learn there’s no real internal motive to the madness. It does give Martin & Larsen an added layer of characterization, as they have a hard time adjusting to the rapidly progressive lifestyle that is becoming of San Fran (though it’s more taciturn Martin showing his disapproval than the more freewheeling Larsen). Matthau is the usual portrait of glumness, doggedly determined while beaten down at the same time (his character’s moments of isolation come across as some of the movie’s better moments). He doesn’t come off as hard as an Eastwood or Bronson but it is a fine departure from cracking dick jokes at Jack Lemmon (not saying that act wasn’t fun, though). However, Dern manages to steal the film outright with his laconic demeanor & dry inflection toward even the smallest dialogue. He’s seemingly the court jester amongst all of the grim realities set before us and he & Matthau have some great back-and-forths in the “cop/buddy” tradition. Director Stuart Rosenberg (Cool Hand Luke) and cinematographer David M. Walsh (Silver Streak, Johnny Dangerously) capture the allure & seamy underbelly of the city well and the supporting cast (including Anthony Zerbe as the surly police chief) adds to the hard boiled nature of the story. By the end of The Laughing Policeman, you feel like you have been along for the detail and (depending on your tolerance for the “by the book”, no frills portrayal of the police work & un-PC views) it proves to be quite the interesting ride.
Body Count/Violence: 18. While not a thrill-ride a minute as far as Action is concerned, TLP has some fine set pieces that include some gory shooting. A fight or two is accompanied by a decent car chase & a woman jumping out of a window.
Sexuality/Nudity: There’s a shot of a topless stripper, as well as a shot of a topless performance artist whose…very rotund. The subject matter tends to be fairly lurid, tackling homosexuality, S&M, prostitution, etc.
Language/Dialogue: With a few F words, the language gets salty on occasion. Let it be known I would follow Dern around & pay him $5 every time he would call someone a “fruiter”.
How bad was it?:
The reviews regard it generally well but its degrees of greatness vary. Some latter day critics were more turned off by some of the takes on homosexuality or felt it was just too slowly paced as compared to others in the genre (Dirty Harry, The French Connection, etc.)
Did it make the studio’s day?:
No box office or budget records are public for this 20th Century Fox distributed film, which saw its premiere in New York on 12/20/73. Since this was the only noted release date of the film in America, it’s likely it wasn’t very widely distributed in its debut.
Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Police Story 4: First Strike
The Action Mutant…
says you can’t have any fuckin’ jellybeans!
Police Story 4: First Strike (aka Jackie Chan’s First Strike)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I’d like to thank unratedjoe (not me, though it’s an alias I wish I lifted) for this gem that I watched on YouTube (complete with new widescreen setting!). It’s nice seeing a Jackie Chan movie in it’s entirety for a change before Bob Weinstein or some screw gets a hold of it. (Note: The film reviewed here is the 107 minute Hong Kong release of Police Story 4: First Strike, not the 88 minute American release known as Jackie Chan’s First Strike).
The Plot, as it was:
Chan is back as Inspector Chan Ka Kui, a Hong Kong cop recruited to take part in a sting in Ukraine by “the new KGB”. The Russians are trying to bring in Jackson Tsui (Jackson Lau), a spy with a nuclear warhead in his possession that he wants to sell to the highest bidder. When Jackson escapes a sale gone badly, Chan remains on his trail & follows him to Australia. While trying to obtain answers from Tsui’s sister Annie (Annie Wu), Chan finds out he has been doubled crossed by KGB head Gregor (Yuri Petrov), who is really a mobster that’s out for the warhead himself. Jackie Chan v. an imminent threat of nuclear warfare? I know who I’m betting on!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
I’ll admit that the plots to Jackie Chan movies are like a big basin of weak soup. There are some good bits amongst a whole bunch of stock…stock characters, stock situations, stock dialogue, you name it. The funny thing is in the grand scheme of things, one thing is apparent: no one cares. Chan could star in a shot for shot remake of Die Hard with Keanu Reeves as Hans Gruber and no one would bat an eye because Jackie would provide the whole shebang. Not that there aren’t other good elements in First Strike because it at least resembles a cohesive work instead of a highlight reel (four words: Rumble in the Bronx). The location shooting & scenery are stellar and give the production a touch of class sometimes lacking in Action films (yes, folks…Jackie’s really freezing in the Russian tundra!). And it’s always nice to see Bill Tung pop up in a Chan flick, even if he doesn’t have much more to do than sit at a desk & talk on the phone. Um…Annie Wu is pretty hot. And I got to hear the classic Police Story theme, which was worth seeing the HK version for that alone. Ok, so the “cohesive work” is really a warmed over James Bond script & you’ve seen it 100x before. But, it’s Jackie being Jackie and that works, dammit! As usual, his engaging personality shows through & he isn’t afraid to show ass (a figurative term for being the butt of the joke…and literally too, during an admittedly amusing scene). The comedy is broad as ever, ranging from gags involving koalas & poisonous sea creatures to Jackie trying to navigate on stilts. Every conceivable Action piece is thrown into the soup & that’s the meat of it, with everything from a crazy snowmobile chase to Jackie battling a group of guys with a ladder as his main weapon. You don’t watch for the story; you watch to see Chan make the impossible possible and to walk on water (and both of those happen, too!).
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Former pro wrestler Nathan Jones plays the bald hitman that chases Jackie through the apartment.
- Oliver Muirhead is listed as Australian Group #10. You may remember Muirhead as Mr. Blithers, the boss at the MVA on that one episode of Married…with Children where Al Bundy has to get his license renewed & has a disgruntled Bud as his instructor. I’ve watched too much TV over my lifetime. Muirhead has been in plenty of other films & TV shows, usually playing snooty butlers.
Body Count/Violence: 34. This is a fair clip for a Jackie Chan film, though the majority is gunned down during the opening mountainside shootout (and ensuing chase) & the Uncle 7 funeral scene. The rest are either stabbed or become fodder for hungry sharks (Annie works at an aquarium. Sharks are there. Jaws-like music will be played & baddies will be eaten). There’s more stuntwork here than there is fighting but the warehouse fight where Jackie uses the ladder is a showstopper for sure.
Sexuality/Nudity: Wu is in a skimpy bikini or two but Jackie doesn’t even have the time to be a playful cad in this one.
Language/Dialogue: One “bastard” and a few other slight obscenities.
How bad was it?:
There’s not much to go by for the HK version but the critical response in America was mixed. Many scribes pointed out the “James Bond” similarities but usually just went with the flow & watched Jackie do what he does best. This was still during (though near the tail end of) his Rumble in the Bronx grace period in the States where the man could do absolutely no wrong.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Police Story 4: First Strike debuted in Hong Kong on 2/10/96 and became the highest grossing Chan film in HK cinema history. The Golden Harvest produced vehicle stayed in HK theaters for almost 2 months & raked in $57.5 million HK. New Line Cinema distributed it in the States in an 88 minute version (different opening credits, cut scenes, dubbed dialogue, etc.) on 1/10/97. It finished 6th in its opening weekend & didn’t exhibit the same staying power that RitB did, finally grossing $15.3 million. No budget figures were made public.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
says you can’t have any fuckin’ jellybeans!
Police Story 4: First Strike (aka Jackie Chan’s First Strike)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I’d like to thank unratedjoe (not me, though it’s an alias I wish I lifted) for this gem that I watched on YouTube (complete with new widescreen setting!). It’s nice seeing a Jackie Chan movie in it’s entirety for a change before Bob Weinstein or some screw gets a hold of it. (Note: The film reviewed here is the 107 minute Hong Kong release of Police Story 4: First Strike, not the 88 minute American release known as Jackie Chan’s First Strike).
The Plot, as it was:
Chan is back as Inspector Chan Ka Kui, a Hong Kong cop recruited to take part in a sting in Ukraine by “the new KGB”. The Russians are trying to bring in Jackson Tsui (Jackson Lau), a spy with a nuclear warhead in his possession that he wants to sell to the highest bidder. When Jackson escapes a sale gone badly, Chan remains on his trail & follows him to Australia. While trying to obtain answers from Tsui’s sister Annie (Annie Wu), Chan finds out he has been doubled crossed by KGB head Gregor (Yuri Petrov), who is really a mobster that’s out for the warhead himself. Jackie Chan v. an imminent threat of nuclear warfare? I know who I’m betting on!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
I’ll admit that the plots to Jackie Chan movies are like a big basin of weak soup. There are some good bits amongst a whole bunch of stock…stock characters, stock situations, stock dialogue, you name it. The funny thing is in the grand scheme of things, one thing is apparent: no one cares. Chan could star in a shot for shot remake of Die Hard with Keanu Reeves as Hans Gruber and no one would bat an eye because Jackie would provide the whole shebang. Not that there aren’t other good elements in First Strike because it at least resembles a cohesive work instead of a highlight reel (four words: Rumble in the Bronx). The location shooting & scenery are stellar and give the production a touch of class sometimes lacking in Action films (yes, folks…Jackie’s really freezing in the Russian tundra!). And it’s always nice to see Bill Tung pop up in a Chan flick, even if he doesn’t have much more to do than sit at a desk & talk on the phone. Um…Annie Wu is pretty hot. And I got to hear the classic Police Story theme, which was worth seeing the HK version for that alone. Ok, so the “cohesive work” is really a warmed over James Bond script & you’ve seen it 100x before. But, it’s Jackie being Jackie and that works, dammit! As usual, his engaging personality shows through & he isn’t afraid to show ass (a figurative term for being the butt of the joke…and literally too, during an admittedly amusing scene). The comedy is broad as ever, ranging from gags involving koalas & poisonous sea creatures to Jackie trying to navigate on stilts. Every conceivable Action piece is thrown into the soup & that’s the meat of it, with everything from a crazy snowmobile chase to Jackie battling a group of guys with a ladder as his main weapon. You don’t watch for the story; you watch to see Chan make the impossible possible and to walk on water (and both of those happen, too!).
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Former pro wrestler Nathan Jones plays the bald hitman that chases Jackie through the apartment.
- Oliver Muirhead is listed as Australian Group #10. You may remember Muirhead as Mr. Blithers, the boss at the MVA on that one episode of Married…with Children where Al Bundy has to get his license renewed & has a disgruntled Bud as his instructor. I’ve watched too much TV over my lifetime. Muirhead has been in plenty of other films & TV shows, usually playing snooty butlers.
Body Count/Violence: 34. This is a fair clip for a Jackie Chan film, though the majority is gunned down during the opening mountainside shootout (and ensuing chase) & the Uncle 7 funeral scene. The rest are either stabbed or become fodder for hungry sharks (Annie works at an aquarium. Sharks are there. Jaws-like music will be played & baddies will be eaten). There’s more stuntwork here than there is fighting but the warehouse fight where Jackie uses the ladder is a showstopper for sure.
Sexuality/Nudity: Wu is in a skimpy bikini or two but Jackie doesn’t even have the time to be a playful cad in this one.
Language/Dialogue: One “bastard” and a few other slight obscenities.
How bad was it?:
There’s not much to go by for the HK version but the critical response in America was mixed. Many scribes pointed out the “James Bond” similarities but usually just went with the flow & watched Jackie do what he does best. This was still during (though near the tail end of) his Rumble in the Bronx grace period in the States where the man could do absolutely no wrong.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Police Story 4: First Strike debuted in Hong Kong on 2/10/96 and became the highest grossing Chan film in HK cinema history. The Golden Harvest produced vehicle stayed in HK theaters for almost 2 months & raked in $57.5 million HK. New Line Cinema distributed it in the States in an 88 minute version (different opening credits, cut scenes, dubbed dialogue, etc.) on 1/10/97. It finished 6th in its opening weekend & didn’t exhibit the same staying power that RitB did, finally grossing $15.3 million. No budget figures were made public.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Instant Justice
The Action Mutant…
doesn’t think this movie was sponsored by Carnation.
Instant Justice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Here we are with another piece in the filmography of Michael Paré (who, for some reason when I see him, the phrase “beef witted, apple-john” comes to mind. Thank you, Darrell Hammond/Sean Connery). I’m sure it’s funny to muse that the guy was most likely on the verge of stardom after doing Eddie and the Cruisers (which became a cult favorite on cable & video, after a so-so theater run), only to see him delve further into direct-to-video dreck once he hit the 90s & beyond. Then again, he lives in Amsterdam when he’s not making films. You know…the pot capital of the free world. So, while your blogging about his wooden performances & the fact he’s been in both Bloodrayne flicks (Uwe Boll strikes!), remember that he’s probably rolling up a nice one with that money & doesn’t give a shit about being in a Uwe Boll pic. And even if he does care, the pot probably takes some of the edge off.
The Plot, as it was:
Paré stars as Scott Youngblood, a Marine Sergeant that learns that his sister Kim (Lynda Bridges) died in Spain. He soon comes to realize that she was a callgirl for an influential mobster named Silke (Eddie Avoth) & that she was murdered when she realized she was in over her head. Getting no help from a crooked police force, Youngblood teams up with slightly crippled photographer Jake (Peter Crook) & feisty callgirl Virginia (Tawny Kitaen and her insane, 80s hair) to try to avenge his sister’s death…even if it means rebuffing a lucrative promotion. Seriously though, her hair is friggin’ huge. We’re talking football helmet here!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
True, the Justice in Instant Justice is far from instant, as the movie runs for 101 minutes. However, without that running time, how could it be considered amongst the pantheon of “Big, Dumb & Loud” Action pics of the 80s? In that respect, it certainly fits the second part of that category to a tee. Writer/Director Craig T. Rumar (to whom this film is his only credit) puts together a stock revenge story without a non-cliché bone in its body, starting with Paré as the brawny Action hero. The man can’t put forth a competent emotion, even when he’s only required to yell at people (which he does a lot of). However, that made for about half of the requirements for an 80s Action star (the other: smart ass one liners & lots of them) so he hardly suffers any long lasting damage. Crook provides the sole standout performance as he adds some (intentional) humor as the sidekick & old pro Charles Napier adds some well-needed credibility as a head military officer (he should; he seemingly can play these military guys in his sleep). I wouldn’t know anything about Kitaen’s part, since her hair distracted me every time she showed up. It looked like a muskrat died atop her head and grew a mullet. Add to that shoulder pads that would give Lawrence Taylor envy & you have two of the many laughable elements that keep this from being boring at least. I would have thought Youngblood outrunning a speeding car or Jake being fairly agile for a dude with a cane would have done me in but even those elements can’t compare to the relationship between Youngblood & Virginia. You know the type by now: at each others throats one minute, caressing in the shower the next without much of a transitioning point. It’s been done before (and better) but Instant Justice provides some brain-dead, good fun for anyone with the right amount of tolerance (or alcohol) for cheesy 80s Action. No, really…I’m surprised her hair didn’t jump off of her head and attack people!
Body Count/Violence: 9. Considering the era, the number is pretty disappointing & the carnage isn’t nearly sufficient enough for a revenge tome. That said, there’s the required shooting, barroom brawling, car crashing, explosions, window crashing, frying pan fu (a la Joe Bob Briggs), glass bottle weaponry, etc. The best death would have to be Youngblood running a mobster (on the hood of a Trans-Am the hero heisted) back first into the front propeller of a bi-plane & leaving a nice, splattered blood spot on the hood.
Sexuality/Nudity: Bridges shows partial nipple in her scene & Tessa Hewitt provides the film’s gratuitous nudity fix, showing every bit of T&A in a photo shoot scene. Kitaen doesn’t get naked in the aforementioned shower scene but I doubt I could have focused on her goods anyway. Really, her hair should have been doing the cartwheels in the “Here I Go Again” video.
Language/Dialogue: A few F-bombs here and there, along with milder obscenities.
How bad was it?:
Not much in the way of reviews but viewer feedback has it as pretty bad & maybe slightly below the standards of the time. And they were just as distracted by Tawny’s hair as I was.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Despite the somewhat name leads, Warner Bros. & Mulloway Limited distributed Instant Justice straight to VHS in America in January of 1987. According to this helpful article, IJ was marketed with Top Gun-style graphics & its star at the forefront. It apparently worked, as the flick went on to sell over 40,000 copies (an impressive number for a direct-to-video release). It has not found a DVD release as of yet so VHS (as low as 75 cents on Amazon, bitches!) is the only way to go for now.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
doesn’t think this movie was sponsored by Carnation.
Instant Justice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Here we are with another piece in the filmography of Michael Paré (who, for some reason when I see him, the phrase “beef witted, apple-john” comes to mind. Thank you, Darrell Hammond/Sean Connery). I’m sure it’s funny to muse that the guy was most likely on the verge of stardom after doing Eddie and the Cruisers (which became a cult favorite on cable & video, after a so-so theater run), only to see him delve further into direct-to-video dreck once he hit the 90s & beyond. Then again, he lives in Amsterdam when he’s not making films. You know…the pot capital of the free world. So, while your blogging about his wooden performances & the fact he’s been in both Bloodrayne flicks (Uwe Boll strikes!), remember that he’s probably rolling up a nice one with that money & doesn’t give a shit about being in a Uwe Boll pic. And even if he does care, the pot probably takes some of the edge off.
The Plot, as it was:
Paré stars as Scott Youngblood, a Marine Sergeant that learns that his sister Kim (Lynda Bridges) died in Spain. He soon comes to realize that she was a callgirl for an influential mobster named Silke (Eddie Avoth) & that she was murdered when she realized she was in over her head. Getting no help from a crooked police force, Youngblood teams up with slightly crippled photographer Jake (Peter Crook) & feisty callgirl Virginia (Tawny Kitaen and her insane, 80s hair) to try to avenge his sister’s death…even if it means rebuffing a lucrative promotion. Seriously though, her hair is friggin’ huge. We’re talking football helmet here!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
True, the Justice in Instant Justice is far from instant, as the movie runs for 101 minutes. However, without that running time, how could it be considered amongst the pantheon of “Big, Dumb & Loud” Action pics of the 80s? In that respect, it certainly fits the second part of that category to a tee. Writer/Director Craig T. Rumar (to whom this film is his only credit) puts together a stock revenge story without a non-cliché bone in its body, starting with Paré as the brawny Action hero. The man can’t put forth a competent emotion, even when he’s only required to yell at people (which he does a lot of). However, that made for about half of the requirements for an 80s Action star (the other: smart ass one liners & lots of them) so he hardly suffers any long lasting damage. Crook provides the sole standout performance as he adds some (intentional) humor as the sidekick & old pro Charles Napier adds some well-needed credibility as a head military officer (he should; he seemingly can play these military guys in his sleep). I wouldn’t know anything about Kitaen’s part, since her hair distracted me every time she showed up. It looked like a muskrat died atop her head and grew a mullet. Add to that shoulder pads that would give Lawrence Taylor envy & you have two of the many laughable elements that keep this from being boring at least. I would have thought Youngblood outrunning a speeding car or Jake being fairly agile for a dude with a cane would have done me in but even those elements can’t compare to the relationship between Youngblood & Virginia. You know the type by now: at each others throats one minute, caressing in the shower the next without much of a transitioning point. It’s been done before (and better) but Instant Justice provides some brain-dead, good fun for anyone with the right amount of tolerance (or alcohol) for cheesy 80s Action. No, really…I’m surprised her hair didn’t jump off of her head and attack people!
Body Count/Violence: 9. Considering the era, the number is pretty disappointing & the carnage isn’t nearly sufficient enough for a revenge tome. That said, there’s the required shooting, barroom brawling, car crashing, explosions, window crashing, frying pan fu (a la Joe Bob Briggs), glass bottle weaponry, etc. The best death would have to be Youngblood running a mobster (on the hood of a Trans-Am the hero heisted) back first into the front propeller of a bi-plane & leaving a nice, splattered blood spot on the hood.
Sexuality/Nudity: Bridges shows partial nipple in her scene & Tessa Hewitt provides the film’s gratuitous nudity fix, showing every bit of T&A in a photo shoot scene. Kitaen doesn’t get naked in the aforementioned shower scene but I doubt I could have focused on her goods anyway. Really, her hair should have been doing the cartwheels in the “Here I Go Again” video.
Language/Dialogue: A few F-bombs here and there, along with milder obscenities.
How bad was it?:
Not much in the way of reviews but viewer feedback has it as pretty bad & maybe slightly below the standards of the time. And they were just as distracted by Tawny’s hair as I was.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Despite the somewhat name leads, Warner Bros. & Mulloway Limited distributed Instant Justice straight to VHS in America in January of 1987. According to this helpful article, IJ was marketed with Top Gun-style graphics & its star at the forefront. It apparently worked, as the flick went on to sell over 40,000 copies (an impressive number for a direct-to-video release). It has not found a DVD release as of yet so VHS (as low as 75 cents on Amazon, bitches!) is the only way to go for now.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
On Deadly Ground
The Action Mutant…
would like to warn you about the dangers…of Vaporlock!
On Deadly Ground
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Of all of those general questions that spread through any realm of competition, the one that is always the most intriguing is “Where did it all go wrong?” This can be attributed to almost anyone involved in a competitive field but many pundits like to apply the question to certain dynasties. We all like to offer our own opinions on when a certain person or franchise “jumped the shark”, so to speak. Last year’s New England Patriots…Guns ‘n Roses…Mike Tyson; everyone has their takes on where these dominant forces failed. Some are more opinionated (me, I think the Patriots thought the game was a forgone conclusion & upon hearing everyone on ESPN and their mother proclaim the Pats the leaders of the free world, the Giants went out and played the game of a lifetime) and others seem pretty obvious (Axl’s a nutbag perfectionist that seemingly alienates everyone within five feet of him and Tyson’s a combination of too much success coming to a person with a street upbringing & lack of mental faculties). For Steven Seagal, the moment is fairly easy to point out. Warner Brothers wanted the big man to reprise his role of super soldier/cook Casey Ryback for the upcoming sequel to Seagal’s hit Under Siege (the film is Seagal’s biggest starring gross to date, at $83.6 million). Seagal agreed…as long as he got to direct his own effort down the line. Something about fighting a mystical bear, the environment, big oil, etc. I’m sure he had them at “mystical bear”. The WB folk agreed to let Seagal helm his own project…hence, On Deadly Ground. And you thought Patton Oswalt’s mind was boggled by Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (PEOPLE!).
The Plot, as it was:
Seagal portrays Forrest Taft (judging by Seagal’s impending girth, Taft was a descendant of twenty-seventh American President William Howard Taft), a troubleshooter for the Aegis Oil company who finds out some rather unsavory things about his employers. Apparently, his boss Jennings (Michael Caine…really?) knowingly has faulty equipment in his soon-to-be-operating AEGIS-1 oil rig, which will cause a catastrophic oil spill once it malfunctions. Taft’s curmudgeon co-worker Palmer (Richard Hamilton) knows of the company’s secrets…and is soon brutally dispatched by Jennings’ personal killer MacGruder (John C. McGinley). However, Palmer manages to copy the info to a disc before his demise so Taft gets his hands on it (despite the fact the disc doesn’t figure into the story again…trust me, it gets worse). Instead of going to the authorities with the data (remember, EVERYONE’S corrupt, so that option’s out), Taft goes the logical route: he nearly gets killed by Aegis henchmen, discovered by Indians (one of them being Joan Chen, who must be hated by her agent beyond all reproach), goes on a spiritual quest & decides the best cause for action is to murder the baddies & blow the damn oil rig all to shit. If your cranium isn’t spewing blood form your ears at this point, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Even though 1994’s Pulp Fiction was arguably the film that killed the collective Action star, On Deadly Ground did more than enough damage to Steven Seagal’s career on its own. It’s really nothing more than a $50 million egofuck that masquerades as a message pic, as Seagal’s good intentions are muddled in a morass of shitty plotting & a high quota of stuff going boom. These things are the norm in a mediocre Seagal movie but here they end up taking away from the all important “message”. To wit:
* Taft decides he’s going to blow up the oil rig but in such a way that oil won’t spill into the ocean. That’s all well and good but what about the burning oil fumes? I’m sure that adds to air pollution, genius. I could see if the rig was encased in a bubble-like fortress, keeping the fumes boxed in until the air could be purified but…C-MON!
* Forrest’s file gets pulled up to reveal his shady government agency past (not this again!) & that's apparently news to Jennings as his men are on their way to kill Taft. These men have never heard of background checks BEFORE they hire people?
* Apparently, as long as it’s in the name of saving the environment, it’s ok to murder 30+ people who most likely are not all mercenaries and have not been told why exactly a 6 ft., pony-tailed madman is snapping their clavicles & blowing shit up.
I could bring up numerous more instances of vanity & hypocrisy (and downright idiocy) but I’d be sitting here until frost formed on my testacles (seemingly because I wouldn’t be able to turn the heater on because I would be too busy typing said instances). Some people are skilled enough craftsmen to blend Actioner & message pic into one whole but Seagal isn’t one of them. The big guy uses a sledgehammer to pound his points home (witness his climactic, post rampage speech, which was edited from an astounding 11 minutes to about 3 in the final cut!), all while ignoring the fact that the rampant mayhem blunts any attempt at taking him seriously. If that’s not enough, the portions involving Seagal & the Indian tribe are hilarious in how the symbolism just becomes downright insulting (just add smoke, mirrors, mystical talk & big tittied Indian women). Caine can chalk this up as his most embarrassing role in his career, left to do nothing more than curse & chew heavy scenery (and have oil slicks in his hair fluctuate in color from scene to scene). If there’s anything good about this swill it’s that there is some snappily read lines from R. Lee Ermey (the tiresome “Who we’re dealing with” speech, which does at least sound fresh coming from Sgt. Hartman) & a chunkier, younger Billy Bob Thornton (“I wanna feel solid.”). And fans of Seagal will get their fix of their hero taking out extras with his bare hands, all whilst looking at some choice cinematography from Seagal film vet Ric Waite. However, fans will also have to fight through much nauseating preaching & spiritual doubletalk to see that stuff. There are plenty of Seagal flicks to see without that stuff getting in the way.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- The venerable Sven-Ole Thorsen makes his latest appearance here, as henchman Otto.
- Director Irvin Kershner (Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Never Say Never Again) is the director of the TV spot Jennings is in.
- Bart the Bear (The Edge) is the bear that Seagal fights in his dream sequence. His hometown listed on IMDB is Baltimore, Maryland. Hey, hometown bear! I’d say he’s on par in hometown celebrity with Mel Kiper Jr.
Body Count/Violence: 38. Those critics grilling the makers of Pulp Fiction & Natural Born Killers over its violent content apparently skipped this bloodying the same year. Seagal brings his message to the masses via shooting, knife through the head, snapped wrists & limbs, gratuitous weaponry, kicks to the balls (watch out for that overdubbing!), explosions, car crashes, impaling via explosives & tree branches, torching, oil drowning, helicopter blade mutilation, etc. The barfight scene, which concludes in Forrest pounding remorse into a bullish barfly (Mike Starr) via the “hand slap” game, is arguably the most laughable scene in the film (as well as being instrumental in making Seagal look more like a douche). However, it doesn’t begin to touch the sadism of the scene where Palmer is murdered. Apparently, Steve felt that scene involving an old man having his fingers bashed with an ivory club & being cut into with a pipe cutter would make his cause seem more sympathetic. Well, he got it partly right.
Sexuality/Nudity: The dream sequence involves a dancing, topless Indian woman & several, fuller figured, topless Indian women. I’m sure Seagal was perusing a National Geographic before coming up with this.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong, as not many villains swear with the conviction of a pissed off Michael Caine.
How bad was it?:
Out of the 30+ films in Seagal’s storied career, this and The Foreigner have the great distinction of scoring a big, fat 0% on rottentomatoes.com. Critics chided the uneasy juxtaposition of Seagal’s bone crushing violence & heavy handed preaching, as well as Caine’s campy performance & obvious comparisons of the film to Tom Laughlin's Billy Jack series. Some critics say this is his worst film ever, while some have saved that award for any one of his DtoDVD features. Speaking of awards, Seagal nabbed a Razzie in 1995 for Worst Director (while the flick was nominated for five other Razzies). One of the few positives cited is Billy Bob’s brief role as mercenary Homer Carlton, which is pure redneck BBT at its finest.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Despite its status as a hopeless debacle, ODG did keep one Seagal tradition going: opening up #1 at the box office. Debuting on 2/18/94, it was the fifth Seagal flick in a row (starting with 1990’s Hard to Kill) to open at the top spot with a gross of $12.7 million. It actually took audiences a while to catch on to its badness, as it fell out of the top 10 nearly a month afterwards. When it sank, it sank fast as it went from 6th on the March 11th weekend to 11th & 17th the next successive weekends. It ended its run with a gross of $38.6 million and became the first Seagal vehicle to not turn a profit in America. Since ODG, only two Seagal films (Fire Down Below & Exit Wounds) have opened at #1 and Half Past Dead was his last film to be seen in theaters (released 11/15/02). As Homer Simpson once put it: “The moral of the story is…never try.”
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
would like to warn you about the dangers…of Vaporlock!
On Deadly Ground
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Of all of those general questions that spread through any realm of competition, the one that is always the most intriguing is “Where did it all go wrong?” This can be attributed to almost anyone involved in a competitive field but many pundits like to apply the question to certain dynasties. We all like to offer our own opinions on when a certain person or franchise “jumped the shark”, so to speak. Last year’s New England Patriots…Guns ‘n Roses…Mike Tyson; everyone has their takes on where these dominant forces failed. Some are more opinionated (me, I think the Patriots thought the game was a forgone conclusion & upon hearing everyone on ESPN and their mother proclaim the Pats the leaders of the free world, the Giants went out and played the game of a lifetime) and others seem pretty obvious (Axl’s a nutbag perfectionist that seemingly alienates everyone within five feet of him and Tyson’s a combination of too much success coming to a person with a street upbringing & lack of mental faculties). For Steven Seagal, the moment is fairly easy to point out. Warner Brothers wanted the big man to reprise his role of super soldier/cook Casey Ryback for the upcoming sequel to Seagal’s hit Under Siege (the film is Seagal’s biggest starring gross to date, at $83.6 million). Seagal agreed…as long as he got to direct his own effort down the line. Something about fighting a mystical bear, the environment, big oil, etc. I’m sure he had them at “mystical bear”. The WB folk agreed to let Seagal helm his own project…hence, On Deadly Ground. And you thought Patton Oswalt’s mind was boggled by Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (PEOPLE!).
The Plot, as it was:
Seagal portrays Forrest Taft (judging by Seagal’s impending girth, Taft was a descendant of twenty-seventh American President William Howard Taft), a troubleshooter for the Aegis Oil company who finds out some rather unsavory things about his employers. Apparently, his boss Jennings (Michael Caine…really?) knowingly has faulty equipment in his soon-to-be-operating AEGIS-1 oil rig, which will cause a catastrophic oil spill once it malfunctions. Taft’s curmudgeon co-worker Palmer (Richard Hamilton) knows of the company’s secrets…and is soon brutally dispatched by Jennings’ personal killer MacGruder (John C. McGinley). However, Palmer manages to copy the info to a disc before his demise so Taft gets his hands on it (despite the fact the disc doesn’t figure into the story again…trust me, it gets worse). Instead of going to the authorities with the data (remember, EVERYONE’S corrupt, so that option’s out), Taft goes the logical route: he nearly gets killed by Aegis henchmen, discovered by Indians (one of them being Joan Chen, who must be hated by her agent beyond all reproach), goes on a spiritual quest & decides the best cause for action is to murder the baddies & blow the damn oil rig all to shit. If your cranium isn’t spewing blood form your ears at this point, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Even though 1994’s Pulp Fiction was arguably the film that killed the collective Action star, On Deadly Ground did more than enough damage to Steven Seagal’s career on its own. It’s really nothing more than a $50 million egofuck that masquerades as a message pic, as Seagal’s good intentions are muddled in a morass of shitty plotting & a high quota of stuff going boom. These things are the norm in a mediocre Seagal movie but here they end up taking away from the all important “message”. To wit:
* Taft decides he’s going to blow up the oil rig but in such a way that oil won’t spill into the ocean. That’s all well and good but what about the burning oil fumes? I’m sure that adds to air pollution, genius. I could see if the rig was encased in a bubble-like fortress, keeping the fumes boxed in until the air could be purified but…C-MON!
* Forrest’s file gets pulled up to reveal his shady government agency past (not this again!) & that's apparently news to Jennings as his men are on their way to kill Taft. These men have never heard of background checks BEFORE they hire people?
* Apparently, as long as it’s in the name of saving the environment, it’s ok to murder 30+ people who most likely are not all mercenaries and have not been told why exactly a 6 ft., pony-tailed madman is snapping their clavicles & blowing shit up.
I could bring up numerous more instances of vanity & hypocrisy (and downright idiocy) but I’d be sitting here until frost formed on my testacles (seemingly because I wouldn’t be able to turn the heater on because I would be too busy typing said instances). Some people are skilled enough craftsmen to blend Actioner & message pic into one whole but Seagal isn’t one of them. The big guy uses a sledgehammer to pound his points home (witness his climactic, post rampage speech, which was edited from an astounding 11 minutes to about 3 in the final cut!), all while ignoring the fact that the rampant mayhem blunts any attempt at taking him seriously. If that’s not enough, the portions involving Seagal & the Indian tribe are hilarious in how the symbolism just becomes downright insulting (just add smoke, mirrors, mystical talk & big tittied Indian women). Caine can chalk this up as his most embarrassing role in his career, left to do nothing more than curse & chew heavy scenery (and have oil slicks in his hair fluctuate in color from scene to scene). If there’s anything good about this swill it’s that there is some snappily read lines from R. Lee Ermey (the tiresome “Who we’re dealing with” speech, which does at least sound fresh coming from Sgt. Hartman) & a chunkier, younger Billy Bob Thornton (“I wanna feel solid.”). And fans of Seagal will get their fix of their hero taking out extras with his bare hands, all whilst looking at some choice cinematography from Seagal film vet Ric Waite. However, fans will also have to fight through much nauseating preaching & spiritual doubletalk to see that stuff. There are plenty of Seagal flicks to see without that stuff getting in the way.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- The venerable Sven-Ole Thorsen makes his latest appearance here, as henchman Otto.
- Director Irvin Kershner (Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Never Say Never Again) is the director of the TV spot Jennings is in.
- Bart the Bear (The Edge) is the bear that Seagal fights in his dream sequence. His hometown listed on IMDB is Baltimore, Maryland. Hey, hometown bear! I’d say he’s on par in hometown celebrity with Mel Kiper Jr.
Body Count/Violence: 38. Those critics grilling the makers of Pulp Fiction & Natural Born Killers over its violent content apparently skipped this bloodying the same year. Seagal brings his message to the masses via shooting, knife through the head, snapped wrists & limbs, gratuitous weaponry, kicks to the balls (watch out for that overdubbing!), explosions, car crashes, impaling via explosives & tree branches, torching, oil drowning, helicopter blade mutilation, etc. The barfight scene, which concludes in Forrest pounding remorse into a bullish barfly (Mike Starr) via the “hand slap” game, is arguably the most laughable scene in the film (as well as being instrumental in making Seagal look more like a douche). However, it doesn’t begin to touch the sadism of the scene where Palmer is murdered. Apparently, Steve felt that scene involving an old man having his fingers bashed with an ivory club & being cut into with a pipe cutter would make his cause seem more sympathetic. Well, he got it partly right.
Sexuality/Nudity: The dream sequence involves a dancing, topless Indian woman & several, fuller figured, topless Indian women. I’m sure Seagal was perusing a National Geographic before coming up with this.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong, as not many villains swear with the conviction of a pissed off Michael Caine.
How bad was it?:
Out of the 30+ films in Seagal’s storied career, this and The Foreigner have the great distinction of scoring a big, fat 0% on rottentomatoes.com. Critics chided the uneasy juxtaposition of Seagal’s bone crushing violence & heavy handed preaching, as well as Caine’s campy performance & obvious comparisons of the film to Tom Laughlin's Billy Jack series. Some critics say this is his worst film ever, while some have saved that award for any one of his DtoDVD features. Speaking of awards, Seagal nabbed a Razzie in 1995 for Worst Director (while the flick was nominated for five other Razzies). One of the few positives cited is Billy Bob’s brief role as mercenary Homer Carlton, which is pure redneck BBT at its finest.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Despite its status as a hopeless debacle, ODG did keep one Seagal tradition going: opening up #1 at the box office. Debuting on 2/18/94, it was the fifth Seagal flick in a row (starting with 1990’s Hard to Kill) to open at the top spot with a gross of $12.7 million. It actually took audiences a while to catch on to its badness, as it fell out of the top 10 nearly a month afterwards. When it sank, it sank fast as it went from 6th on the March 11th weekend to 11th & 17th the next successive weekends. It ended its run with a gross of $38.6 million and became the first Seagal vehicle to not turn a profit in America. Since ODG, only two Seagal films (Fire Down Below & Exit Wounds) have opened at #1 and Half Past Dead was his last film to be seen in theaters (released 11/15/02). As Homer Simpson once put it: “The moral of the story is…never try.”
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2008 The Action Mutant.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)