The Action Mutant…
is Sofa King...beyond that. No, wait. He's not.
DV8
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Nelson Ricardo is Drake, a hitman living on an island trying escape his past. He falls for a mysterious island beauty named Maya (Eva Neide) and everything seems to be coming up aces for him...until his childhood friend Rizzo (Joe Marino) surfaces. "The Rizz" has a cache of stolen diamonds with him that he's willing to split with Drake, which brings cops, Jamaicans and a kill crazy hitlady named Lysette (Sandrine Le Gallic) all to Drake's neck of the jungle. Three days determines who ends up with the jewels...and who stays alive!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the end credits of DV8, writer Xavier Barquet gives "No thanks" to the initial director of the film Chris Kas and lead Nelson Ricardo. The reasons behind this vote of no confidence are probably more interesting than anything on the screen for DV8's compact 75 minute run time. To be fair, DV8 is one of those middle-of-the-road, post-Pulp Fiction neo-Noirs that starts off with a decent premise. There's some odd (maybe pretentious) touches ("B.C. There/A.D. Miami") that introduce the characters & set up things nicely. Once our principles are known, they develop in mixed fashion as their past is usually brought about in quick flashback mode and doesn't raise them past archetype level. Ricardo is ok as the tortured soul/tough guy but its Le Gallic that has the presence to take the film with what little screen time she has. Her story is the least nurtured and would have been explored in more depth if the feature were any longer. What took me out of the flick was Marino's Rizzo, a cardboard cutout if you ever seen one. Somewhat resembling David Della Rocco's role in The Boondock Saints in tone, it is much like that role in the sense that you either find the character amusing or not. In "The Rizz's" case, his bravado & scenery chewing tend to grate on the nerves and unfortunately, he's probably the writer's favorite character. He shows up intermittently, stealing each scene he's in...and not in a good way. It doesn't help matters when things become more routine as the film moves along to its expectedly bloody conclusion. Despite that and being at a length that barely qualifies as a feature, DV8 moves at a crisp pace and is a quick (and, at times, pretty dirty) example of something genre fans should be very familiar with.
Body Count/Violence: 21. A good amount is done with the film's low funds as we get fights, explosions, bloody gunplay, stabbing, strangling, suffocation via plastic bag and more. The highlight is a torture scene involving a power drill and while not overly graphic, the insinuation puts it over the top on the carnage meter.
Sexuality/Nudity: Drake & Maya engage in the bedroom with some skin being shown there. Le Gallic's Lysette is shown nude in a bathtub with her chest fully visible and two strippers go topless in a club scene. Not up to the lofty standards of the "Erotic Thriller" genre but close.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for a neo-Noir, with quite a few F-words.
How bad was it?:
If there were any reviews, I could tell ya but this is not exactly a widely seen release.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Spectrum Home Video released DV8 on VHS on 10/12/98. It is available on Amazon or you can just watch it here ---> http://www.freemoviescine.com/movies/62-administrator/video/390-DV8.html Just watch out for that sound synching. Yikes.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Chinese Hercules
The Action Mutant…
is waiting for "Chinese Hercules" to become someone's MMA nickname.
Chinese Hercules
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Yeh Fang stars as Lee Hsi, a man running from his past whilst working at a dock. He killed his girlfriend's (Fan Chaing) brother during an argument an has vowed never to raise his hands in anger again. Of course, this is bad timing for the dockworkers as Boss Chan (Liang Tin), the leader of the local crime syndicate, wants the dock closed down and isn't afraid to use sufficient force to get what he wants. With the large shadow of the syndicate and its hulking henchman Chiang Tai (Bolo Yeung) bearing down, Lee must garner to fortitude to fight for his fellow workers & stop the takeover.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Referring to Bolo's moniker while he was Hong Kong's bodybuilding champion, Chinese Hercules is a misnomer if you're looking for this to be the muscleman's movie. While he does steal the flick, it's only during the second half when he finally shows up. Bolo's snappy feats of strength & tough man lines ("We kill 'em...and we dump 'em!") are some welcome fun for a film that wasn't tearing it up until that point. There's quite a bit of exposition that drags things along and what you can hear of it is the dialogue that's not drowned out by the loud, melodramatic score (it also doesn't help that some of the dialogue is recorded very low). The bread and butter of the genre (the fight scenes, choreographed by Jackie Chan no less!) aren't that great until Bolo shows up, where he has many able but small challengers to work off of. From here, the battles get longer & better and Chinese Hercules ends on a high note, which is the least you can ask for from a so-so Fu flick.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao are unaccredited as extras. Damned if I could find them, though. Help?
Body Count/Violence: 11. The number would be much lower if it wasn't for Bolo f'ing people up once he surfaces. He supplies some broken limbs and necks during his beatings. Bolo's top moment has to be where he takes a cinderblock and tosses it, knocking a guy off a perch. There's other weapon use as well, such as sticks and barrels.
Sexuality/Nudity: There are two bedroom scenes but nothing is shown.
Language/Dialogue: Not much, just some light stuff.
How bad was it?:
The number of reviews for Chinese Hercules are limited but the one's I caught rate it positively, though nothing special.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Though no money figures are available for it, the film has had a storied release history. It premiered in Hong Kong in March of 1973, then in America (under the National General banner) on 1/2/74. It was also presented by Quentin Tarantino at the Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival on 3/14/07.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant
is waiting for "Chinese Hercules" to become someone's MMA nickname.
Chinese Hercules
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Yeh Fang stars as Lee Hsi, a man running from his past whilst working at a dock. He killed his girlfriend's (Fan Chaing) brother during an argument an has vowed never to raise his hands in anger again. Of course, this is bad timing for the dockworkers as Boss Chan (Liang Tin), the leader of the local crime syndicate, wants the dock closed down and isn't afraid to use sufficient force to get what he wants. With the large shadow of the syndicate and its hulking henchman Chiang Tai (Bolo Yeung) bearing down, Lee must garner to fortitude to fight for his fellow workers & stop the takeover.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Referring to Bolo's moniker while he was Hong Kong's bodybuilding champion, Chinese Hercules is a misnomer if you're looking for this to be the muscleman's movie. While he does steal the flick, it's only during the second half when he finally shows up. Bolo's snappy feats of strength & tough man lines ("We kill 'em...and we dump 'em!") are some welcome fun for a film that wasn't tearing it up until that point. There's quite a bit of exposition that drags things along and what you can hear of it is the dialogue that's not drowned out by the loud, melodramatic score (it also doesn't help that some of the dialogue is recorded very low). The bread and butter of the genre (the fight scenes, choreographed by Jackie Chan no less!) aren't that great until Bolo shows up, where he has many able but small challengers to work off of. From here, the battles get longer & better and Chinese Hercules ends on a high note, which is the least you can ask for from a so-so Fu flick.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Jackie Chan and Yuen Biao are unaccredited as extras. Damned if I could find them, though. Help?
Body Count/Violence: 11. The number would be much lower if it wasn't for Bolo f'ing people up once he surfaces. He supplies some broken limbs and necks during his beatings. Bolo's top moment has to be where he takes a cinderblock and tosses it, knocking a guy off a perch. There's other weapon use as well, such as sticks and barrels.
Sexuality/Nudity: There are two bedroom scenes but nothing is shown.
Language/Dialogue: Not much, just some light stuff.
How bad was it?:
The number of reviews for Chinese Hercules are limited but the one's I caught rate it positively, though nothing special.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Though no money figures are available for it, the film has had a storied release history. It premiered in Hong Kong in March of 1973, then in America (under the National General banner) on 1/2/74. It was also presented by Quentin Tarantino at the Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival on 3/14/07.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant
Thursday, March 29, 2012
To Kill With Intrigue
The Action Mutant…
presents "To Nudge With Meh".
To Kill With Intrigue
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Siao Lei, a man who scorns his pregnant girlfriend Chin Chin (Yu Ling-Lung) and asks her to leave. Before you mark him as a total douche, he only did so because his family was about to be slaughtered by a gang led by Ting Chan Yen (Hsu Feng) and wanted Chin Chin out of the way. Yen spares Lei, who flees into exile and is pursued by hired killers. In order to gain his girl back and have his revenge, Lei must go through strange channels to obtain it.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This Lo wei/Jackie Chan collaboration would be another wholly forgettable one in a slate around this time period if not for a few reasons. Not all of them are positive mind you but they do ensure that To Kill With Intrigue isn't boring (unlike some of those aforementioned vehicles). For one thing, to call the plotting "convoluted" would be an insult to the word itself. We're not talking twists on an M. Night Shyamalan level here but there are too many needless ones in a Kung Fu flick that acts as part Martial Arts saga and part soap opera. The main one does reveal the primary villain but it takes more than a few steps to get to that point. The twists also bring about plot holes that could pose for an interesting party game in case you're watching with friends. Try reasoning why Lei tells his girlfriend off instead of just warning her of the eminent danger. Wonder as Lei goes on to befriend his attackers and why a certain one puts him through several tests instead of just helping him out right! Granted, this is a fictional tale but reasonable people normally don't take these steps (or leap through the air like a trampoline is always near by). Thankfully, everyone ditches the confusion about midway through and replaces it with some plentiful fight scenes (even if they require plenty of wire & trampoline work). They're not up to the quality Chan fans are used to these days but they are fun enough to make you forget that you had to watch some perplexing shit in order to get to them.
Body Count/Violence: 23. TKWI brings plenty of weapon use, including swords, knives, axes, staffs, spears, etc. Some stabbing and hand to hand combat bring about bloody results but nothing too excessive. Also, Jackie gets burnt on the face and has to swallow a hot coal instead of just walking over them.
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: Not much at all, if any.
How bad was it?:
Most were on the fence on TKWI, leaning more toward the negative side of things. While critics say it had its merits, the muddled plot, cheap production and tacky fight scenes ultimately tanked any goodwill.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in South Korea, To Kill With Intrigue started its Hong Kong run on 7/22/77 and ended five days later. It was released to video in America under the Trans World Entertainment label in 1985.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant
presents "To Nudge With Meh".
To Kill With Intrigue
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Siao Lei, a man who scorns his pregnant girlfriend Chin Chin (Yu Ling-Lung) and asks her to leave. Before you mark him as a total douche, he only did so because his family was about to be slaughtered by a gang led by Ting Chan Yen (Hsu Feng) and wanted Chin Chin out of the way. Yen spares Lei, who flees into exile and is pursued by hired killers. In order to gain his girl back and have his revenge, Lei must go through strange channels to obtain it.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This Lo wei/Jackie Chan collaboration would be another wholly forgettable one in a slate around this time period if not for a few reasons. Not all of them are positive mind you but they do ensure that To Kill With Intrigue isn't boring (unlike some of those aforementioned vehicles). For one thing, to call the plotting "convoluted" would be an insult to the word itself. We're not talking twists on an M. Night Shyamalan level here but there are too many needless ones in a Kung Fu flick that acts as part Martial Arts saga and part soap opera. The main one does reveal the primary villain but it takes more than a few steps to get to that point. The twists also bring about plot holes that could pose for an interesting party game in case you're watching with friends. Try reasoning why Lei tells his girlfriend off instead of just warning her of the eminent danger. Wonder as Lei goes on to befriend his attackers and why a certain one puts him through several tests instead of just helping him out right! Granted, this is a fictional tale but reasonable people normally don't take these steps (or leap through the air like a trampoline is always near by). Thankfully, everyone ditches the confusion about midway through and replaces it with some plentiful fight scenes (even if they require plenty of wire & trampoline work). They're not up to the quality Chan fans are used to these days but they are fun enough to make you forget that you had to watch some perplexing shit in order to get to them.
Body Count/Violence: 23. TKWI brings plenty of weapon use, including swords, knives, axes, staffs, spears, etc. Some stabbing and hand to hand combat bring about bloody results but nothing too excessive. Also, Jackie gets burnt on the face and has to swallow a hot coal instead of just walking over them.
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: Not much at all, if any.
How bad was it?:
Most were on the fence on TKWI, leaning more toward the negative side of things. While critics say it had its merits, the muddled plot, cheap production and tacky fight scenes ultimately tanked any goodwill.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in South Korea, To Kill With Intrigue started its Hong Kong run on 7/22/77 and ended five days later. It was released to video in America under the Trans World Entertainment label in 1985.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
New Fist of Fury
The Action Mutant…
wonders if its revolution or is it Memorex?
New Fist of Fury
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Bruce...er, Jackie Chan is Ah Lung, a Chinese pickpocket that is amongst many Chinese living under Japanese rule. After standing up to Japanese Kung Fu school leader Okimura (Chan Sing) and being beaten for it, Lung is befriended by Mao Li Er (Nora Miao) and her family. Despite having stolen from her before, Lung is taken a shine to by Mao as someone that can possibly lead the resistance like her late brother (Bruce Lee in the original). When Okimura's gang causes Mao's grandfather Master Su (Yim Chung) to die of a heart attack (on his feet, no less!), Mao reopens his Kung Fu school to the dismay of Okimura. With the school not towing Okimura's line, the stage is set for a final battle to determine who's school rules. Yeah, its corny but I takes what is given to me.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Sequelitis is something that can be painful and forced, especially when all of the elements from before aren't in the right place. Bruce Lee was long gone when producer Lo Wei cast Jackie Chan is what was basically a retread of Lee's 1972 hit Fist of Fury (aka The Chinese Connection). The result is readily evident when seeing Chan on the screen, as he doesn't display the magma inhaling intensity that Lee was already known for. Chan gives it the old college try and for his part, doesn't out and out ape Bruce's every mannerism. But the few allusions to the original film are clumsily done at best and that's not even what sinks the film outright. You, the viewer, can thank the plotting and characterizations for that glowing distinction. What starts as a continuation of the prejudicial leanings from the first film are really swept aside for the old "save the Kung Fu school" angle and Wei and co writer Lei Pan take their sweet, sweetass time getting to the point. Whatever is mentioned as far as a fight for freedom and basic rights is done through lip service and that message doesn't really ring true, in turn. The villains aren't much better, basically all sporting pencil thin moustaches (one has a by gawd Hitler stache) and cackling about how much better they are than the Chinese. Their representation doesn't really go past that, which make for one dimensional caricatures at best. All of this leads to some decent fight scenes at the end but it can't escape the downer of a climax (which, if you seen the first film, you should know where things are going). At least you have the choice now of whether you want to waste two hours (yes, TWO HOURS!) of your life on this swill after reading this.
Body Count/Violence: 23. Along with the usual Kung Fu brawling, there stabbing, shooting and sword slashing. Some blood is involved with this but not as much as you'd think, which makes me shake my head over the R rating. Then again, most Martial Art film ratings cause me to do that!
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: Very mild profanity. Gotta work in "bastard" a few times, though.
How bad was it?:
IMDB's rating is firmly pitted at 5.0 and the reviews out there seem to reflect that. While rightly admitting its nowhere near as good as its predecessor, most also say that its just good enough to qualify as something of merit. Now THAT'S a ringing endorsement!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Lo Wei's New Fist of Fury first hit HK theaters on 7/8/76. No money figures are present, which is standard with Kung Fu sagas from this time. It was first released in America on video in 1985.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
wonders if its revolution or is it Memorex?
New Fist of Fury
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Bruce...er, Jackie Chan is Ah Lung, a Chinese pickpocket that is amongst many Chinese living under Japanese rule. After standing up to Japanese Kung Fu school leader Okimura (Chan Sing) and being beaten for it, Lung is befriended by Mao Li Er (Nora Miao) and her family. Despite having stolen from her before, Lung is taken a shine to by Mao as someone that can possibly lead the resistance like her late brother (Bruce Lee in the original). When Okimura's gang causes Mao's grandfather Master Su (Yim Chung) to die of a heart attack (on his feet, no less!), Mao reopens his Kung Fu school to the dismay of Okimura. With the school not towing Okimura's line, the stage is set for a final battle to determine who's school rules. Yeah, its corny but I takes what is given to me.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Sequelitis is something that can be painful and forced, especially when all of the elements from before aren't in the right place. Bruce Lee was long gone when producer Lo Wei cast Jackie Chan is what was basically a retread of Lee's 1972 hit Fist of Fury (aka The Chinese Connection). The result is readily evident when seeing Chan on the screen, as he doesn't display the magma inhaling intensity that Lee was already known for. Chan gives it the old college try and for his part, doesn't out and out ape Bruce's every mannerism. But the few allusions to the original film are clumsily done at best and that's not even what sinks the film outright. You, the viewer, can thank the plotting and characterizations for that glowing distinction. What starts as a continuation of the prejudicial leanings from the first film are really swept aside for the old "save the Kung Fu school" angle and Wei and co writer Lei Pan take their sweet, sweetass time getting to the point. Whatever is mentioned as far as a fight for freedom and basic rights is done through lip service and that message doesn't really ring true, in turn. The villains aren't much better, basically all sporting pencil thin moustaches (one has a by gawd Hitler stache) and cackling about how much better they are than the Chinese. Their representation doesn't really go past that, which make for one dimensional caricatures at best. All of this leads to some decent fight scenes at the end but it can't escape the downer of a climax (which, if you seen the first film, you should know where things are going). At least you have the choice now of whether you want to waste two hours (yes, TWO HOURS!) of your life on this swill after reading this.
Body Count/Violence: 23. Along with the usual Kung Fu brawling, there stabbing, shooting and sword slashing. Some blood is involved with this but not as much as you'd think, which makes me shake my head over the R rating. Then again, most Martial Art film ratings cause me to do that!
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: Very mild profanity. Gotta work in "bastard" a few times, though.
How bad was it?:
IMDB's rating is firmly pitted at 5.0 and the reviews out there seem to reflect that. While rightly admitting its nowhere near as good as its predecessor, most also say that its just good enough to qualify as something of merit. Now THAT'S a ringing endorsement!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Lo Wei's New Fist of Fury first hit HK theaters on 7/8/76. No money figures are present, which is standard with Kung Fu sagas from this time. It was first released in America on video in 1985.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Shaolin Wooden Men
The Action Mutant…
battles the Pink Elephants in his dreams.
Shaolin Wooden Men
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan is Tommy (aka "Little Mute"), a mute student among the Shaolin temple wanting to gain revenge for his father's death when he was younger. He gradually learns Kung Fu from a jailed gang leader (Kam Kong) and leaves the Shaolin after beating the "wooden men" (an obstacle course of wooden "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots", kinda). Soon, the gang leader escapes his prison and Tommy soon realizes that it may not have been a good idea to entrust his learning to an incarcerated felon.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This holier than thou entry in Jackie Chan's filmography is not without merit but is also largely unmemorable. Famed (or infamed? or inflamed?) producer Lo Wei casts Chan here as the silent, sullen hero and that plays to Chan's strengths as well as Chuck Norris having to sell pain. Granted, the Chan man does well with what he's given and he plays low key decently but just don't expect anything you will remember the next day. The flick's more dramatic and scaled down to start, with training sequences that are solid but don't really jump off the page. The second half picks up enough steam where its watchable but again nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it is bias kicking in but the fact that its Jackie Chan starring in a rather conventional period drama may turn some people off. The fights (though choreographed by Chan, Ming Chin and fellow "Third Brother" Yuen Biao) are good but not spectacular and are kept at the normal speed for the time. Simply put, fans of the genre get what is to be expected: a competent entry with a few fun fight scenes near the end. Total Chan fans may be in for a letdown so it's probably fair to call Shaolin Wooden Men somewhere near the middle.
Body Count/Violence: 18. Most are just beaten up real bad and declared dead but there are a few death blows thrown in to clear things up. The most notable death amongst the fighting is Jackie hurling a sword through a baddie's midsection.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: The occasional obscenity but on an irregular basis.
How bad was it?:
Most genre critics are split down the middle, saying its not the best of its kind but certainly nowhere near the worst. They say its not even close to Chan's best work but its accepted as a vital part of his film history.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shaolin wooden Men was released in Hong Kong on 11/10/76 and stayed in theaters for a week. It got its first American video release in 1987 and is available under several video companies. Its original source print was lost so video distributors only have to go by a video copy for transfer so view at your own risk.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
battles the Pink Elephants in his dreams.
Shaolin Wooden Men
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan is Tommy (aka "Little Mute"), a mute student among the Shaolin temple wanting to gain revenge for his father's death when he was younger. He gradually learns Kung Fu from a jailed gang leader (Kam Kong) and leaves the Shaolin after beating the "wooden men" (an obstacle course of wooden "Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots", kinda). Soon, the gang leader escapes his prison and Tommy soon realizes that it may not have been a good idea to entrust his learning to an incarcerated felon.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
This holier than thou entry in Jackie Chan's filmography is not without merit but is also largely unmemorable. Famed (or infamed? or inflamed?) producer Lo Wei casts Chan here as the silent, sullen hero and that plays to Chan's strengths as well as Chuck Norris having to sell pain. Granted, the Chan man does well with what he's given and he plays low key decently but just don't expect anything you will remember the next day. The flick's more dramatic and scaled down to start, with training sequences that are solid but don't really jump off the page. The second half picks up enough steam where its watchable but again nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it is bias kicking in but the fact that its Jackie Chan starring in a rather conventional period drama may turn some people off. The fights (though choreographed by Chan, Ming Chin and fellow "Third Brother" Yuen Biao) are good but not spectacular and are kept at the normal speed for the time. Simply put, fans of the genre get what is to be expected: a competent entry with a few fun fight scenes near the end. Total Chan fans may be in for a letdown so it's probably fair to call Shaolin Wooden Men somewhere near the middle.
Body Count/Violence: 18. Most are just beaten up real bad and declared dead but there are a few death blows thrown in to clear things up. The most notable death amongst the fighting is Jackie hurling a sword through a baddie's midsection.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: The occasional obscenity but on an irregular basis.
How bad was it?:
Most genre critics are split down the middle, saying its not the best of its kind but certainly nowhere near the worst. They say its not even close to Chan's best work but its accepted as a vital part of his film history.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shaolin wooden Men was released in Hong Kong on 11/10/76 and stayed in theaters for a week. It got its first American video release in 1987 and is available under several video companies. Its original source print was lost so video distributors only have to go by a video copy for transfer so view at your own risk.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
The Fearless Hyena
The Action Mutant…
Rasha Naba Doe-ah Gola Wookiee Nipple Pinchy!
The Fearless Hyena
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Shing Lung, a mischievous sort who lives with his grandfather (James Tien) in the Chinese mainland. Shing gains a rep hustling fighters out of their wares for a group of thugs, which gains the attention of The Master (Kun Li) and his gang. When The Master kills Shing's grandfather to settle an old grudge, Shing must master fighting techniques from an old man named The Unicorn (Hui Lou Chen) to gain his revenge...Hyena style!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If the above sounded any bit familiar to you, you've already seen Drunken Master or any one of hundreds of Kung Fu flicks over the years. Randy pupil, taciturn father figure, evil bastard with equally evil cohorts, drunken teacher, etc. Of course, more than a few of those have involved Jackie Chan in some way and in some way, they seem fresher when he's in control. Coming off the heels of said DM, this was Chan's first directorial effort and he lets it all hang out in this one. The trademark fights (with such implements as work benches, chopsticks and fake boobs...you'll see), broad humor and childish mugging are all prevalent...even more so with this being his first time in the chair (as well as the awful dubbing; I swore Jackie was dubbed by Stan Laurel when I first heard him). Chan throws everything into the stew and most of it does taste great. There are plenty of ideas that work (the training sequences are just beastly, for example) and some that don't (Jackie's disguises elicit a few chuckles but not out and out hilarity). It's not the controlled frenzy that later Chan efforts would become but its an entertaining curio in in the man's filmography that should be seen by his most fervent fans.
Body Count/Violence: 10. As with most JC favorites, its about the intricacy of the fight as opposed to being death happy. The death takes place by some sword slashing, weapon use and occasionally bloody purple nurpling.
Sexuality/Nudity: Umm...there's that scene where Jackie's in drag but I don't think you're supposed to be turned on by that. Right?
Language/Dialogue: Some mild profanity, including my ever long Kung Fu favorite, "bastard"!
How bad was it?:
Most critics looked at it in a favorable light though it was readily admitted that the film seemed like a slight reworking of Drunken Master more than an original work.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Finally able to helm a film on his own (whilst ending his contract with producer Lo wei), Chan's Fearless Hyena opened in Hong Kong on 2/17/79. It had a three week run at the cinemas and was considered a success in Chan's ever burgeoning career. It had its theatrical run in the West in 1979 and is now on DVD through various video companies. Be careful which transfer you purchase though, as they differ in quality.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Rasha Naba Doe-ah Gola Wookiee Nipple Pinchy!
The Fearless Hyena
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jackie Chan stars as Shing Lung, a mischievous sort who lives with his grandfather (James Tien) in the Chinese mainland. Shing gains a rep hustling fighters out of their wares for a group of thugs, which gains the attention of The Master (Kun Li) and his gang. When The Master kills Shing's grandfather to settle an old grudge, Shing must master fighting techniques from an old man named The Unicorn (Hui Lou Chen) to gain his revenge...Hyena style!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If the above sounded any bit familiar to you, you've already seen Drunken Master or any one of hundreds of Kung Fu flicks over the years. Randy pupil, taciturn father figure, evil bastard with equally evil cohorts, drunken teacher, etc. Of course, more than a few of those have involved Jackie Chan in some way and in some way, they seem fresher when he's in control. Coming off the heels of said DM, this was Chan's first directorial effort and he lets it all hang out in this one. The trademark fights (with such implements as work benches, chopsticks and fake boobs...you'll see), broad humor and childish mugging are all prevalent...even more so with this being his first time in the chair (as well as the awful dubbing; I swore Jackie was dubbed by Stan Laurel when I first heard him). Chan throws everything into the stew and most of it does taste great. There are plenty of ideas that work (the training sequences are just beastly, for example) and some that don't (Jackie's disguises elicit a few chuckles but not out and out hilarity). It's not the controlled frenzy that later Chan efforts would become but its an entertaining curio in in the man's filmography that should be seen by his most fervent fans.
Body Count/Violence: 10. As with most JC favorites, its about the intricacy of the fight as opposed to being death happy. The death takes place by some sword slashing, weapon use and occasionally bloody purple nurpling.
Sexuality/Nudity: Umm...there's that scene where Jackie's in drag but I don't think you're supposed to be turned on by that. Right?
Language/Dialogue: Some mild profanity, including my ever long Kung Fu favorite, "bastard"!
How bad was it?:
Most critics looked at it in a favorable light though it was readily admitted that the film seemed like a slight reworking of Drunken Master more than an original work.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Finally able to helm a film on his own (whilst ending his contract with producer Lo wei), Chan's Fearless Hyena opened in Hong Kong on 2/17/79. It had a three week run at the cinemas and was considered a success in Chan's ever burgeoning career. It had its theatrical run in the West in 1979 and is now on DVD through various video companies. Be careful which transfer you purchase though, as they differ in quality.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Danger Zone (1987)
The Action Mutant…
is not sure if he needs a "wingman" for this one.
The Danger Zone (1987)
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
A sextet of big haired singers known as The Skirts (one played by Suzanne Tara of TAM cult favorite Deadly Prey) get an invitation to head out to Las Vegas and be a part of a TV talent competition. Along the way, their car breaks down in the desert and they stumble onto a dusty ghost town. The former prospecting site has already been claimed by a biker gang led by the demented Reaper (Robert Canada) and the ladies are infringing on their daily lives, including interrupting whippings handed out for insolence & drug deals executed via model plane (!). The Skirts must rely on themselves, and old prospector named Moss (Michael Wayne) and undercover cop Wade Olson (Jason Williams) to get out of...THE DANGER ZONE!...er, this mess. The Danger Zone is said mess.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
From the "I swear this was an A.I.P. release" file comes The Danger Zone, a trash opus in the fine tradition of "biker" cinema. It's fine for a rainy day afternoon (when I first caught it) though you might need some of the mind altering substances the bikers are on to truly enjoy it. Its all meant to be campy fun, with the women having hair teased to the nines & very few ideas and the bikers being slimy beyond reproach. From the gang guiding the ladies through a rattlesnake filled pit to threatening them with all kinds of abuse, this has all the trappings of its low budget genre roots. However, there are more than a few lulls in what little story there is and the budgetary woes stifle it from taking full advantage. The acting is only slightly better, with Canada getting every little bit of juice out of the role of Reaper. Coming off like Lance Henriksen's understudy in Stone Cold, Canada spits & snarls out his lines and seems to relish being the heavy. He's really the only engaging character here as none of the ladies really stand out from the pack and the lot of the bikers are all stereotypical dregs. Unfortunately, TDZ is too boring to sustain for the most part and has far too few intermittent shows of trashy fun to keep one awake to the end.
Body Count/Violence: 6. Aside from a few brawls and someone being lit on fire (in a sleeping bag...now, that's inconsiderate!), not a lot goes on action wise until the last twenty minutes or so. We get the requisite (bloodless) shootout as well as motorcycle rundown and a snake attack! One of the gals sprays hairspray at a snake. Man, snakes get a lot of play in this one.
Sexuality/Nudity: There's a scene where the gals come upon a stream, which allows them to strip to their underwear and frolic about. This is all shot in glorious slow-mo, which means the director should get a Nobel Prize for being the smartest person alive or something. One of the biker girls flashes her tits and one of the heroines has her shirt ripped open. Seriously though, that stream scene will make some 13 year old boy's day.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other surly biker talk (is biker talk anything other than "surly").
How bad was it?:
Not many reviews are out there about The Danger Zone but what little fan feedback there is on IMDB is mixed at best. You either accept it as exploitive fun or not.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in and around Las Vegas, The Danger Zone was released straight to VHS by Charter Entertainment on 10/26/88. Obviously, the low production values helped as three sequels were made afterwards with Williams reprising his role and the epically named Robert Random taking the reigns of Reaper.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
is not sure if he needs a "wingman" for this one.
The Danger Zone (1987)
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
A sextet of big haired singers known as The Skirts (one played by Suzanne Tara of TAM cult favorite Deadly Prey) get an invitation to head out to Las Vegas and be a part of a TV talent competition. Along the way, their car breaks down in the desert and they stumble onto a dusty ghost town. The former prospecting site has already been claimed by a biker gang led by the demented Reaper (Robert Canada) and the ladies are infringing on their daily lives, including interrupting whippings handed out for insolence & drug deals executed via model plane (!). The Skirts must rely on themselves, and old prospector named Moss (Michael Wayne) and undercover cop Wade Olson (Jason Williams) to get out of...THE DANGER ZONE!...er, this mess. The Danger Zone is said mess.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
From the "I swear this was an A.I.P. release" file comes The Danger Zone, a trash opus in the fine tradition of "biker" cinema. It's fine for a rainy day afternoon (when I first caught it) though you might need some of the mind altering substances the bikers are on to truly enjoy it. Its all meant to be campy fun, with the women having hair teased to the nines & very few ideas and the bikers being slimy beyond reproach. From the gang guiding the ladies through a rattlesnake filled pit to threatening them with all kinds of abuse, this has all the trappings of its low budget genre roots. However, there are more than a few lulls in what little story there is and the budgetary woes stifle it from taking full advantage. The acting is only slightly better, with Canada getting every little bit of juice out of the role of Reaper. Coming off like Lance Henriksen's understudy in Stone Cold, Canada spits & snarls out his lines and seems to relish being the heavy. He's really the only engaging character here as none of the ladies really stand out from the pack and the lot of the bikers are all stereotypical dregs. Unfortunately, TDZ is too boring to sustain for the most part and has far too few intermittent shows of trashy fun to keep one awake to the end.
Body Count/Violence: 6. Aside from a few brawls and someone being lit on fire (in a sleeping bag...now, that's inconsiderate!), not a lot goes on action wise until the last twenty minutes or so. We get the requisite (bloodless) shootout as well as motorcycle rundown and a snake attack! One of the gals sprays hairspray at a snake. Man, snakes get a lot of play in this one.
Sexuality/Nudity: There's a scene where the gals come upon a stream, which allows them to strip to their underwear and frolic about. This is all shot in glorious slow-mo, which means the director should get a Nobel Prize for being the smartest person alive or something. One of the biker girls flashes her tits and one of the heroines has her shirt ripped open. Seriously though, that stream scene will make some 13 year old boy's day.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other surly biker talk (is biker talk anything other than "surly").
How bad was it?:
Not many reviews are out there about The Danger Zone but what little fan feedback there is on IMDB is mixed at best. You either accept it as exploitive fun or not.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in and around Las Vegas, The Danger Zone was released straight to VHS by Charter Entertainment on 10/26/88. Obviously, the low production values helped as three sequels were made afterwards with Williams reprising his role and the epically named Robert Random taking the reigns of Reaper.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Blade of Fury
The Action Mutant…
something, something, tuberculosis.
Blade of Fury
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Fan Yeung stars as Wong Wu, a famed swordsman who led an attempt to gain freedom against Imperial rule. He helps government official Tan Szu-Tung (Tung Li of A Better Tomorrow) & his disciple Nine Catties (Cynthia Khan) out during a bandit raid and they become fast friends. They go on to form a martial arts school in the hopes of fixing the Imperial rule from the inside. A series of events & betrayals lead to one final battle to keep the revolution alive.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
There's a lot going for Sammo Hung's effort Blade of Fury, as well as a lot going on in it. Like many of the swoop of costume dramas in Hong Kong at that time, it's well made with sweeping sets and very strong action pieces. The opening battle, bandit raid and final showdown are sequences as exciting as you will find in any fight laden period drama. This should come as no surprise to anyone, as Hung (who also has a cameo as an Imperial guard) is a given for creating epic fight scenes that seem to defy description and logic (in some cases). Though sometimes noticeable and maybe a tad overused, the wire work is well done and still keeps with the artful feel of the proceedings. The principal characters, especially Li, give commendable performances though they may be hard to point out due to the English translation. To say its awkward & subpar at best would be putting it very mildly, which leads to confusion in the storytelling where there shouldn't be. It also doesn't help that there are about half a dozen subplots that take place in the film's midsection before it comes back to the main point. That, and a lack of action during that middle portion (aside from some top notch fight scenes during a tournament setup) may take some out of what was set to be important and that's the story. Though one doesn't flock to a Sammo Hung flick for the drama, that's what's mainly pushed here and all of the elements working against that makes this a near epic misfire. By all means, stay for the action and the grand intentions of the film; just don't expect legendary results.
Body Count/Violence: 92! When you see a character leap up and slice five heads off in one fell swoop within the first ten minutes, you know there are some sterling expectations to be met. And damn if Uncle Sammo doesn't deliver! Since swords lead this symphony of destruction, there are people slashed, stabbed, beheaded, sliced in half and even split in two! Loads of fighting with various weapons as well as explosions, dart throwing and a horse crashing through a sod wall! Trust me, all of the exclamations are needed.
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: A few mild obscenities but nothing notable.
How bad was it?:
The critics admit that while this was a nice change of pace for Hung, it may have also been too ambitious. One critic also pointed out that the fight scenes may have been too crazy for such a realistic drama.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Blade of Fury debuted in Hong Kong on 7/15/93. Despite the work behind and in front of the camera, the film bombed upon release and only lasted a week in HK theaters. It is also notable for capsizing the career of infamous producer Lo Wei.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
something, something, tuberculosis.
Blade of Fury
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Fan Yeung stars as Wong Wu, a famed swordsman who led an attempt to gain freedom against Imperial rule. He helps government official Tan Szu-Tung (Tung Li of A Better Tomorrow) & his disciple Nine Catties (Cynthia Khan) out during a bandit raid and they become fast friends. They go on to form a martial arts school in the hopes of fixing the Imperial rule from the inside. A series of events & betrayals lead to one final battle to keep the revolution alive.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
There's a lot going for Sammo Hung's effort Blade of Fury, as well as a lot going on in it. Like many of the swoop of costume dramas in Hong Kong at that time, it's well made with sweeping sets and very strong action pieces. The opening battle, bandit raid and final showdown are sequences as exciting as you will find in any fight laden period drama. This should come as no surprise to anyone, as Hung (who also has a cameo as an Imperial guard) is a given for creating epic fight scenes that seem to defy description and logic (in some cases). Though sometimes noticeable and maybe a tad overused, the wire work is well done and still keeps with the artful feel of the proceedings. The principal characters, especially Li, give commendable performances though they may be hard to point out due to the English translation. To say its awkward & subpar at best would be putting it very mildly, which leads to confusion in the storytelling where there shouldn't be. It also doesn't help that there are about half a dozen subplots that take place in the film's midsection before it comes back to the main point. That, and a lack of action during that middle portion (aside from some top notch fight scenes during a tournament setup) may take some out of what was set to be important and that's the story. Though one doesn't flock to a Sammo Hung flick for the drama, that's what's mainly pushed here and all of the elements working against that makes this a near epic misfire. By all means, stay for the action and the grand intentions of the film; just don't expect legendary results.
Body Count/Violence: 92! When you see a character leap up and slice five heads off in one fell swoop within the first ten minutes, you know there are some sterling expectations to be met. And damn if Uncle Sammo doesn't deliver! Since swords lead this symphony of destruction, there are people slashed, stabbed, beheaded, sliced in half and even split in two! Loads of fighting with various weapons as well as explosions, dart throwing and a horse crashing through a sod wall! Trust me, all of the exclamations are needed.
Sexuality/Nudity: Nothing.
Language/Dialogue: A few mild obscenities but nothing notable.
How bad was it?:
The critics admit that while this was a nice change of pace for Hung, it may have also been too ambitious. One critic also pointed out that the fight scenes may have been too crazy for such a realistic drama.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Blade of Fury debuted in Hong Kong on 7/15/93. Despite the work behind and in front of the camera, the film bombed upon release and only lasted a week in HK theaters. It is also notable for capsizing the career of infamous producer Lo Wei.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Along Comes a Tiger
The Action Mutant…
washes his hands after every disemboweling.
Along Comes a Tiger
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Don Wong Tao stars as "Miracle Man", a mute drifter that has gained quite the rep amongst the townspeople. He has set out to kill Black Dragon (Tommy Lee), the leader of the Black Dragon Society who hung his father from a tree in his youth. Along the journey, he fights through West's army of fan brandishing casino owners and bodyguards with a government aide (Stephen Tung Wai) & annoying kid (Gei Gwong-Lung) tailing his every move.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though no where near the operatic & grand scale of its inspiration (Tao, who also produced, made this as a homage to Leone's Once Upon a Time in the West), Along Came a Tiger is a cut above the usual norm of the genre. The winks to Leone's Western saga are sometimes obvious (the first scene, "Miracle" never saying a word, his "sacred weapon", etc.) but they only add to the film's flavor as the film is a unique work on its own. The characters propel the story as opposed to the action and that starts with Tao in the lead. Despite staying mute for the majority of the time, he conveys the right emotions and has an eclectic horde of enemies to play off of & get his kicks on. These baddies have quirks running from Madam South's (Doris Lung Chun-Erh) army armed with feathery fans (that conceal deadly, sharp surprises) to Master West (Philip Ko Fei) washing his hands after every kill. These aren't played for an "over the top" effect and add to the sometimes weird vibe, much like they would in a Leone piece. Tiger's costuming and set pieces are also a plus, as they are very elaborate for what could be a ho-hum Kung-Fu entry. Of course, people line up for the combat and ACaT shows up for it with a great deal fine choreography that's also above par. On the negative side, the stuff with the kid could have been excised greatly, as it really serves no purpose to the story. An aside scene of Miracle training the kid to fight is pointless as the kid never gets to use it and is easily captured to set up the final showdown (which really didn't need much setting up...I mean, Dragon killed his father...what else is needed? a dead friend? oh wait, they do THAT, too!). The ending is also a little murky for what should have been something straightforward. They seemed to be shooting for something poetic but it was lost somewhere in the final shots. Nevertheless, Along Comes a Tiger is a fun, well told ode to two genres that are more linked together than one may realize. Enjoy this little seen tale that approaches near classic status.
Body Count/Violence: 22. The deaths are actually among the least satisfying things here. Most are just beaten until they don't continue and someone has to come along and clue everyone in on whether they are dead or not (more than once, too!). There are nunchukau attacks, flying knives, sword slashes, stabbing and throat ripping for the more definitive sect.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: As drunken Alex Trebek would say, "Sonofabitch!"
How bad was it?:
The few reviews written for this hail it as something with superb fighting scenes and well formed characters. If theres anything negative, it seems to be minor qualms (the kid, supposed camp factor, etc.).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Wang's Film Production & Distribution released Along Comes a Tiger in 1977. No money figures are known for it. You can watch it (along with many other flicks) at freemoviescinema.com.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
washes his hands after every disemboweling.
Along Comes a Tiger
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Don Wong Tao stars as "Miracle Man", a mute drifter that has gained quite the rep amongst the townspeople. He has set out to kill Black Dragon (Tommy Lee), the leader of the Black Dragon Society who hung his father from a tree in his youth. Along the journey, he fights through West's army of fan brandishing casino owners and bodyguards with a government aide (Stephen Tung Wai) & annoying kid (Gei Gwong-Lung) tailing his every move.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though no where near the operatic & grand scale of its inspiration (Tao, who also produced, made this as a homage to Leone's Once Upon a Time in the West), Along Came a Tiger is a cut above the usual norm of the genre. The winks to Leone's Western saga are sometimes obvious (the first scene, "Miracle" never saying a word, his "sacred weapon", etc.) but they only add to the film's flavor as the film is a unique work on its own. The characters propel the story as opposed to the action and that starts with Tao in the lead. Despite staying mute for the majority of the time, he conveys the right emotions and has an eclectic horde of enemies to play off of & get his kicks on. These baddies have quirks running from Madam South's (Doris Lung Chun-Erh) army armed with feathery fans (that conceal deadly, sharp surprises) to Master West (Philip Ko Fei) washing his hands after every kill. These aren't played for an "over the top" effect and add to the sometimes weird vibe, much like they would in a Leone piece. Tiger's costuming and set pieces are also a plus, as they are very elaborate for what could be a ho-hum Kung-Fu entry. Of course, people line up for the combat and ACaT shows up for it with a great deal fine choreography that's also above par. On the negative side, the stuff with the kid could have been excised greatly, as it really serves no purpose to the story. An aside scene of Miracle training the kid to fight is pointless as the kid never gets to use it and is easily captured to set up the final showdown (which really didn't need much setting up...I mean, Dragon killed his father...what else is needed? a dead friend? oh wait, they do THAT, too!). The ending is also a little murky for what should have been something straightforward. They seemed to be shooting for something poetic but it was lost somewhere in the final shots. Nevertheless, Along Comes a Tiger is a fun, well told ode to two genres that are more linked together than one may realize. Enjoy this little seen tale that approaches near classic status.
Body Count/Violence: 22. The deaths are actually among the least satisfying things here. Most are just beaten until they don't continue and someone has to come along and clue everyone in on whether they are dead or not (more than once, too!). There are nunchukau attacks, flying knives, sword slashes, stabbing and throat ripping for the more definitive sect.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: As drunken Alex Trebek would say, "Sonofabitch!"
How bad was it?:
The few reviews written for this hail it as something with superb fighting scenes and well formed characters. If theres anything negative, it seems to be minor qualms (the kid, supposed camp factor, etc.).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Wang's Film Production & Distribution released Along Comes a Tiger in 1977. No money figures are known for it. You can watch it (along with many other flicks) at freemoviescinema.com.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Monday, March 19, 2012
The Flying Guillotine
The Action Mutant…
doesn't give a flying...guillotine.
The Flying Guillotine
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Kuan Tai Chen stars as Ma Teng, a soldier in Emperor Yung Cheng's (Yang Chiang) army. The Emperor has commissioned for a new weapon to be made: a flying helmet attached to a chain that can take off a person's head from a hundred yards! Once the implement is made, Cheng has those he considers to be traitors (i.e. everyone) assassinated with it at his whim. All of this causes Ma Teng to desert the Emperor and live out his life with street performer Yu Ping (Wu Chi Liu) and start a family. This further pisses off Cheng, who sends out those from his fighting force to capture him...head optional.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Finality. This is what I believe intrigues one to watch something like The Flying Guillotine. Ok, so its probably seeing a cool ass weapon rarely seen in cinema. I mean, this thing had to be the iPhone of its time (and who said ol' TAM couldn't make a topical reference in 2012, eh?)! Actually, the weapon itself is largely a fabrication because those that saw it in action didn't live to tell about it! In any respect, those expecting all kinds of gore, guts & mayhem from TFG maybe be disappointed for the most part. Sure, its there but writer Kuang Ni adds in stuff like a story and characters with reasoning first. Hell, it takes about 25 minutes for the apparatus to catch its first victim! But seeing the development and training behind the implement of destruction makes it all the worth while when it is finally brought about. The subplot involving Ma Teng & Yu Ping is kinda rushed along, like it would be in an American film, where they meet and five minutes later, they have a kid and are living on a farm. However, their relationship does provide an emotional center to the film and doesn't make it something about revenge or reclaiming one's honor for once. Protecting one's self and their family is something everyone can get behind and its a crowd pleaser once the enemy tastes the business end of the flying helmet of doom. The process of seeing the guillotine in action does look cheap (dig day changing to night, man!) but you had to figure there would be some camp in this candy and it does make for some admittedly hilarious demises. Whereas the later Master of the Flying Guillotine is more well known and may be the "cooler" choice, this one is the entry that solidified it and made that one possible. It's not perfect (the fighting isn't all that great or memorable and some time could have been shaved off in determining what we already knew: the Emperor is a paranoid douche) but all of the classical elements are there for a fun "Good v. Evil" encounter and establishing a grand tradition; the tradition of losing one's head to an oversized beekeeper's helmet, surrounded by razors. Good times.
Body Count/Violence: 25 (plus a dog and a chicken). Nearly 3/4 of the departed are done in by the titular weapon, which occasionally leaves gory aftereffects (bloody stumps, limbs quivering, etc.). Others are slashed with swords or hit with the outward guillotine blades.
Sexuality/Nudity: A brief tit shot near the beginning and that's the end of that.
Language/Dialogue: Nothing really, other than "Goddamn".
How bad was it?:
Though little seen, The Flying Guillotine does have a fair, if not spectacular track record with critics of the genre. Though looked at favorably for the most part, most say that the formula was improved upon in the later Guillotine sagas.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Shaw Brothers, The Flying Guillotine was released in Hong Kong on 2/18/75. No box office or budget figures are known but it did produce a sequel (Palace Carnage in 1978) and the more well known Jimmy Wang Yu vehicle Master of the Flying Guillotine in 1976. TFG was released in America in 1981 by World Northal, a steady purveyor of B-Movies for much of the 1980s.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
doesn't give a flying...guillotine.
The Flying Guillotine
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Kuan Tai Chen stars as Ma Teng, a soldier in Emperor Yung Cheng's (Yang Chiang) army. The Emperor has commissioned for a new weapon to be made: a flying helmet attached to a chain that can take off a person's head from a hundred yards! Once the implement is made, Cheng has those he considers to be traitors (i.e. everyone) assassinated with it at his whim. All of this causes Ma Teng to desert the Emperor and live out his life with street performer Yu Ping (Wu Chi Liu) and start a family. This further pisses off Cheng, who sends out those from his fighting force to capture him...head optional.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Finality. This is what I believe intrigues one to watch something like The Flying Guillotine. Ok, so its probably seeing a cool ass weapon rarely seen in cinema. I mean, this thing had to be the iPhone of its time (and who said ol' TAM couldn't make a topical reference in 2012, eh?)! Actually, the weapon itself is largely a fabrication because those that saw it in action didn't live to tell about it! In any respect, those expecting all kinds of gore, guts & mayhem from TFG maybe be disappointed for the most part. Sure, its there but writer Kuang Ni adds in stuff like a story and characters with reasoning first. Hell, it takes about 25 minutes for the apparatus to catch its first victim! But seeing the development and training behind the implement of destruction makes it all the worth while when it is finally brought about. The subplot involving Ma Teng & Yu Ping is kinda rushed along, like it would be in an American film, where they meet and five minutes later, they have a kid and are living on a farm. However, their relationship does provide an emotional center to the film and doesn't make it something about revenge or reclaiming one's honor for once. Protecting one's self and their family is something everyone can get behind and its a crowd pleaser once the enemy tastes the business end of the flying helmet of doom. The process of seeing the guillotine in action does look cheap (dig day changing to night, man!) but you had to figure there would be some camp in this candy and it does make for some admittedly hilarious demises. Whereas the later Master of the Flying Guillotine is more well known and may be the "cooler" choice, this one is the entry that solidified it and made that one possible. It's not perfect (the fighting isn't all that great or memorable and some time could have been shaved off in determining what we already knew: the Emperor is a paranoid douche) but all of the classical elements are there for a fun "Good v. Evil" encounter and establishing a grand tradition; the tradition of losing one's head to an oversized beekeeper's helmet, surrounded by razors. Good times.
Body Count/Violence: 25 (plus a dog and a chicken). Nearly 3/4 of the departed are done in by the titular weapon, which occasionally leaves gory aftereffects (bloody stumps, limbs quivering, etc.). Others are slashed with swords or hit with the outward guillotine blades.
Sexuality/Nudity: A brief tit shot near the beginning and that's the end of that.
Language/Dialogue: Nothing really, other than "Goddamn".
How bad was it?:
Though little seen, The Flying Guillotine does have a fair, if not spectacular track record with critics of the genre. Though looked at favorably for the most part, most say that the formula was improved upon in the later Guillotine sagas.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Shaw Brothers, The Flying Guillotine was released in Hong Kong on 2/18/75. No box office or budget figures are known but it did produce a sequel (Palace Carnage in 1978) and the more well known Jimmy Wang Yu vehicle Master of the Flying Guillotine in 1976. TFG was released in America in 1981 by World Northal, a steady purveyor of B-Movies for much of the 1980s.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Iron Man (1973)
The Action Mutant…
has a few prosthetics...that he doesn't care to mention.
The Iron Man (1973)
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jimmy Wang Yu (Master of the Flying Guillotine) is Chin, a man out for revenge (cue ominous music). When he was little, a treacherous Japanese crime lord named Fang Woo (Lung Fei) murdered his parents and sliced off his hand with a sword. Armed with a wooden hand, Chin the "Iron Man" goes on to kill all of Feng's associates while trying to stop Feng and an arranged marriage set up by a drunken former landowner who needs to pay off his gambling debts.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though set in modern times (well, the 70s at that time), The Iron Man (or Tough Guy, as I viewed it as) is a variation on the same revenge tome put forth by Asian film companies around this time. Nothing new is really put forth from this one, even down to Wang Yu's handicap as he made a name for himself with The One Armed Swordsman films. It also doesn't help that the dubbing is worse than usual, with the sound being a second or two off from the action. This leads to the usual unintentional hilarity that comes about with these pics but nothing more that is interesting. The fights are passable and get better as the film goes along but that (and a bit more nudity than usual) may not be enough to recommend a viewing here, as it seems long even at 87 minutes. As you can tell, there was barely enough to get a review here so that should tell you something.
Body Count/Violence: 15. For a guy with lots of revenging to do, the Iron Man kicks and chops people around mostly. The occasional death blow (punch to heart, twitch, die, repeat) is administered, along with shooting, stabbing, slicing and poison dart blowing.
Sexuality/Nudity: A few topless posters decorate a mobster's office. A few sexual scenes with some bare breasts flashed and underwear clad beauties are in there as well.
Language/Dialogue: Would it be a Kung Fu film without the word "bastard" in it?
How bad was it?:
Here's the damn thing about it: there are none! Notta one I could find. Guess you either take my word for it or waste 87 minutes like I did.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Ronghua Film Company and Lee Ming Film Company and released in Hong Kong on 5/23/73, there are no money figures for The Iron Man. You can catch it on freemoviescinema.com here:
http://www.freemoviescine.com/movies/62-administrator/video/456-Tough+Guy+%281974%29.html
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
has a few prosthetics...that he doesn't care to mention.
The Iron Man (1973)
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jimmy Wang Yu (Master of the Flying Guillotine) is Chin, a man out for revenge (cue ominous music). When he was little, a treacherous Japanese crime lord named Fang Woo (Lung Fei) murdered his parents and sliced off his hand with a sword. Armed with a wooden hand, Chin the "Iron Man" goes on to kill all of Feng's associates while trying to stop Feng and an arranged marriage set up by a drunken former landowner who needs to pay off his gambling debts.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Though set in modern times (well, the 70s at that time), The Iron Man (or Tough Guy, as I viewed it as) is a variation on the same revenge tome put forth by Asian film companies around this time. Nothing new is really put forth from this one, even down to Wang Yu's handicap as he made a name for himself with The One Armed Swordsman films. It also doesn't help that the dubbing is worse than usual, with the sound being a second or two off from the action. This leads to the usual unintentional hilarity that comes about with these pics but nothing more that is interesting. The fights are passable and get better as the film goes along but that (and a bit more nudity than usual) may not be enough to recommend a viewing here, as it seems long even at 87 minutes. As you can tell, there was barely enough to get a review here so that should tell you something.
Body Count/Violence: 15. For a guy with lots of revenging to do, the Iron Man kicks and chops people around mostly. The occasional death blow (punch to heart, twitch, die, repeat) is administered, along with shooting, stabbing, slicing and poison dart blowing.
Sexuality/Nudity: A few topless posters decorate a mobster's office. A few sexual scenes with some bare breasts flashed and underwear clad beauties are in there as well.
Language/Dialogue: Would it be a Kung Fu film without the word "bastard" in it?
How bad was it?:
Here's the damn thing about it: there are none! Notta one I could find. Guess you either take my word for it or waste 87 minutes like I did.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Produced by Ronghua Film Company and Lee Ming Film Company and released in Hong Kong on 5/23/73, there are no money figures for The Iron Man. You can catch it on freemoviescinema.com here:
http://www.freemoviescine.com/movies/62-administrator/video/456-Tough+Guy+%281974%29.html
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: **1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Code Name Zebra
The Action Mutant…
's code name is "Art Vandelay".
Code Name Zebra
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Glenn Wilder plays a scarred Vietnam vet that heads a group of former soldiers on a different type of mission. They concoct heists of the local mob by disguising themselves as African Americans and escaping elaborate situations, all the while knowing they won't be questioned. Naturally, the Mafioso blame the black drug dealers and the crooked Sgt. Stangman (Stafford Morgan) amongst them so an all out gang war breaks out while the Zebra gang gears up for one last job.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Interesting gimmick aside (Racist.Clever...cute, but racist), Code Name Zebra plays out as your standard 70s crime thriller that's low on frills and even lower on budget. Granted, the filmmakers make the most of their budget with some nice action pieces and ostentatious slow motion shots. A veteran stuntman, Wilder does fine in the lead, complete with charred face makeup & voice box device (which makes him sound like pro wrestling legend Harley Race). The makeup in question may be the most believable on him, as suspending the disbelief of the others being black is absurd at best (watch for the scene where one guy literally has the black beaten from him). The "white as black" angle (get it? Zebra! Huzzah!) doesn't take away from the fact that the story is the standard mix of double crosses, car chases and wooden dialogue. The Zebra gang can't really be called the "heroes" of the story either, if you need a hero that is. They just rip off one unwitting side and pit them against the other, which makes for a rather mechanical and unfulfilling premise. The only thing that saves the flick from being totally routine is the twist ending. I don't know if it really made sense or what but it does qualify as the most memorable thing in Code Name Zebra.
Body Count/Violence: 49. For a late 70s actioner, CNZ is fairly kill happy. Lots of gunplay results in the majority of corpses with occasional blood splatter. Stabbing, beating, electrocution, car crashing and impaling are also on the menu. This flick also reminds you to NEVER turn down a shoe shine.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: A few mild expletives but nothing memorably potent.
How bad was it?:
It's a mess trying to find a solid review for this, as its usually confused with a 1987 low budget action thriller named Code Name: Zebra. Reviews & comments for that film are peppered throughout this CNZ's page and vice versa, so be forewarned if you want to do some reading. The few lines I read about this film cited it as just being routine and not taking advantage of the main concept.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in late 1974 in Los Angeles by Pac West Cinema Group, Code Name Zebra didn't see the light of day until 1976. Released by Entertainment International Pictures, CNZ doesn't have any budget or box office figures to its name. You can watch it for free on public domain sites, as Amazon sells copies of the 1987 film for the most part.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
's code name is "Art Vandelay".
Code Name Zebra
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Glenn Wilder plays a scarred Vietnam vet that heads a group of former soldiers on a different type of mission. They concoct heists of the local mob by disguising themselves as African Americans and escaping elaborate situations, all the while knowing they won't be questioned. Naturally, the Mafioso blame the black drug dealers and the crooked Sgt. Stangman (Stafford Morgan) amongst them so an all out gang war breaks out while the Zebra gang gears up for one last job.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Interesting gimmick aside (Racist.Clever...cute, but racist), Code Name Zebra plays out as your standard 70s crime thriller that's low on frills and even lower on budget. Granted, the filmmakers make the most of their budget with some nice action pieces and ostentatious slow motion shots. A veteran stuntman, Wilder does fine in the lead, complete with charred face makeup & voice box device (which makes him sound like pro wrestling legend Harley Race). The makeup in question may be the most believable on him, as suspending the disbelief of the others being black is absurd at best (watch for the scene where one guy literally has the black beaten from him). The "white as black" angle (get it? Zebra! Huzzah!) doesn't take away from the fact that the story is the standard mix of double crosses, car chases and wooden dialogue. The Zebra gang can't really be called the "heroes" of the story either, if you need a hero that is. They just rip off one unwitting side and pit them against the other, which makes for a rather mechanical and unfulfilling premise. The only thing that saves the flick from being totally routine is the twist ending. I don't know if it really made sense or what but it does qualify as the most memorable thing in Code Name Zebra.
Body Count/Violence: 49. For a late 70s actioner, CNZ is fairly kill happy. Lots of gunplay results in the majority of corpses with occasional blood splatter. Stabbing, beating, electrocution, car crashing and impaling are also on the menu. This flick also reminds you to NEVER turn down a shoe shine.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: A few mild expletives but nothing memorably potent.
How bad was it?:
It's a mess trying to find a solid review for this, as its usually confused with a 1987 low budget action thriller named Code Name: Zebra. Reviews & comments for that film are peppered throughout this CNZ's page and vice versa, so be forewarned if you want to do some reading. The few lines I read about this film cited it as just being routine and not taking advantage of the main concept.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in late 1974 in Los Angeles by Pac West Cinema Group, Code Name Zebra didn't see the light of day until 1976. Released by Entertainment International Pictures, CNZ doesn't have any budget or box office figures to its name. You can watch it for free on public domain sites, as Amazon sells copies of the 1987 film for the most part.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Zombieland
The Action Mutant…
always makes sure to double tap.
Zombieland
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jessie Eisenberg (The Social Network) is Columbus (the main characters are billed after their hometowns), a chronically phobic nerd amongst the landscape of "Zombieland". A strain of Mad Cow Disease has turned the majority of people into mindless flesh eaters and Columbus (complete with rules of survival at his disposal) is one of the lucky ones. By chance, he meets Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a slightly crazed traveler who loves his zombie killin' as much as Twinkies. They are soon befriended (then conned, befriended, then conned again) by Wichita (Emma Stone) & Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), a sister team that hustles rubes from one point to the next. Along the way, they kill zombies, meet a comedy icon...and kill more zombies. It all ends at an amusement park, by the way.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Out of all the heavy elements a movie can have, plot is not one for Zombieland. Then again, a plot might take away from what makes it so fun. This flick is nothing more than pure, escapist fun and knows it. Hell, I know people that don't go for "zombie" pics and love this one. A lot of the film gets by on the strength of the two leads and their rapport with their female counterparts. Eisenberg (what? was Michael Cera busy? I kid, really) can play this neurotic wallflower part in his sleep and Harrelson's crazy man act is in full tilt mode here. Stone & Breslin account themselves well for what could usually be thankless roles and they can attribute that to characterization. This was once a TV pilot script that was reworked into a feature film and you get the sense that all of these people were meant to be "introduced" like in a pilot so the result is more fully fleshed out characters you can root for. The other pilot elements are scattershot (the "Zombie Kill of the Week" being the most obvious) and the celebrity cameo in the middle portion (other reviews have spoiled it by now but I stay steadfast in not revealing), while providing the biggest laughs of the film, also acts as the plateau. Things become more predictable afterwards and the story fails to regain the momentum it once had. The film is also a bit uneven in the sense that the comedic elements tend to outweigh the "zombie" elements at some points, which leads to the genre purist's argument of whether this a "real" Z movie or not. If you can take some of the film's pretensions (Columbus' rules appearing on the screen at various times), you will see plentiful gore as well as a genuine streak of laughter & gleeful carnage. It's no Night of the Living Dead but if cinema has taught us anything, it's that you don't always have to reinvent the wheel to get to the fireworks fact...er, amusement park.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John C. Reilly (Step Brothers, State of Grace) went uncredited as the "Bathroom Zombie".
- Screenwriter Mike White (The School of Rock, Nacho Libre) is the victim in said bathroom (wow, that sounds bad without context).
Body Count/Violence: 109! Despite its goofiness, Zombieland does not skimp on the gore factor. Most of the mindless extras are blasted by shotgun fire or other automatic weaponry. When he's not gunning them down, Tallahassee does in the rest by unconventional means (baseball bat, banjo, hedge clippers, etc.). There are a few other surprises but something that isn't surprising is the zombie flesh munching & mauling, to which there is quite a bit.
Sexuality/Nudity: A topless zombie stripper (with pasties) is shown during the opening credits.
Language/Dialogue: A few F-words, other obscenities and Tallahassee crowing about wanting his "G D Twinkies!"
How bad was it?:
Rotten Tomatoes has it at 90% so its fair to say that most critics enjoyed it for the good time it was meant to be. The few negative reviews either weren't down with the genre or couldn't help but compare it to its predecessors in some way.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
At a budget of $24 million, Sony/Columbia Pictures released Zombieland on 10/2/09 to an opening weekend gross of $24.7 million. It's top spot was overtaken the next week and it steadily dropped out of the top 10 by the end of the month. The film finished with a final number of $75.6 million in America, plus another $26.8 million overseas (total = $102.4 million). All of those totals ensure a sequel, which is in development at the moment.
Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
always makes sure to double tap.
Zombieland
review by Joe Burrows
The Plot, as it was:
Jessie Eisenberg (The Social Network) is Columbus (the main characters are billed after their hometowns), a chronically phobic nerd amongst the landscape of "Zombieland". A strain of Mad Cow Disease has turned the majority of people into mindless flesh eaters and Columbus (complete with rules of survival at his disposal) is one of the lucky ones. By chance, he meets Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a slightly crazed traveler who loves his zombie killin' as much as Twinkies. They are soon befriended (then conned, befriended, then conned again) by Wichita (Emma Stone) & Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), a sister team that hustles rubes from one point to the next. Along the way, they kill zombies, meet a comedy icon...and kill more zombies. It all ends at an amusement park, by the way.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Out of all the heavy elements a movie can have, plot is not one for Zombieland. Then again, a plot might take away from what makes it so fun. This flick is nothing more than pure, escapist fun and knows it. Hell, I know people that don't go for "zombie" pics and love this one. A lot of the film gets by on the strength of the two leads and their rapport with their female counterparts. Eisenberg (what? was Michael Cera busy? I kid, really) can play this neurotic wallflower part in his sleep and Harrelson's crazy man act is in full tilt mode here. Stone & Breslin account themselves well for what could usually be thankless roles and they can attribute that to characterization. This was once a TV pilot script that was reworked into a feature film and you get the sense that all of these people were meant to be "introduced" like in a pilot so the result is more fully fleshed out characters you can root for. The other pilot elements are scattershot (the "Zombie Kill of the Week" being the most obvious) and the celebrity cameo in the middle portion (other reviews have spoiled it by now but I stay steadfast in not revealing), while providing the biggest laughs of the film, also acts as the plateau. Things become more predictable afterwards and the story fails to regain the momentum it once had. The film is also a bit uneven in the sense that the comedic elements tend to outweigh the "zombie" elements at some points, which leads to the genre purist's argument of whether this a "real" Z movie or not. If you can take some of the film's pretensions (Columbus' rules appearing on the screen at various times), you will see plentiful gore as well as a genuine streak of laughter & gleeful carnage. It's no Night of the Living Dead but if cinema has taught us anything, it's that you don't always have to reinvent the wheel to get to the fireworks fact...er, amusement park.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- John C. Reilly (Step Brothers, State of Grace) went uncredited as the "Bathroom Zombie".
- Screenwriter Mike White (The School of Rock, Nacho Libre) is the victim in said bathroom (wow, that sounds bad without context).
Body Count/Violence: 109! Despite its goofiness, Zombieland does not skimp on the gore factor. Most of the mindless extras are blasted by shotgun fire or other automatic weaponry. When he's not gunning them down, Tallahassee does in the rest by unconventional means (baseball bat, banjo, hedge clippers, etc.). There are a few other surprises but something that isn't surprising is the zombie flesh munching & mauling, to which there is quite a bit.
Sexuality/Nudity: A topless zombie stripper (with pasties) is shown during the opening credits.
Language/Dialogue: A few F-words, other obscenities and Tallahassee crowing about wanting his "G D Twinkies!"
How bad was it?:
Rotten Tomatoes has it at 90% so its fair to say that most critics enjoyed it for the good time it was meant to be. The few negative reviews either weren't down with the genre or couldn't help but compare it to its predecessors in some way.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
At a budget of $24 million, Sony/Columbia Pictures released Zombieland on 10/2/09 to an opening weekend gross of $24.7 million. It's top spot was overtaken the next week and it steadily dropped out of the top 10 by the end of the month. The film finished with a final number of $75.6 million in America, plus another $26.8 million overseas (total = $102.4 million). All of those totals ensure a sequel, which is in development at the moment.
Film: ***1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2012 The Action Mutant.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Pray for Death
The Action Mutant…
introduces his newest villain, Crackhouse Dave!
Pray for Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
With Halloween just around the corner, I have to wonder…when will it be en vogue to be a Ninja again on this holiday? I’m sure there were plenty of them in Sho Kosugi’s heyday but today it’s most likely all about the zombie. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m all for zombies on Halloween or Wednesday. It at least beats the shit out of…brrr, Jersey Shore costumes (or what some douchebags call “everyday wear”). All I can say is if you’re gonna be a ninja this Halloween, be Sho Kosugi. There’s few better to choose from.
The Plot, as it was:
Kosugi stars as Akira, a Japanese immigrant setting up a restaurant business with his family in America. However, he and the elderly gentleman (Parley Baer) he bought the place from do not realize that a valuable necklace that was hidden there has been stolen off the premises by crooked cops. While in cahoots with the cops, the befuddled mob doesn’t realize they have been taken by their partners and decide to target Akira and his family. Strong-armed by Limehouse Willie (James Booth) and his associates, Akira’s family is bullied until his wife Aiko (Donna K. Benz) is dead and son Takeshi (Kane Kosugi) is hospitalized. Another thing the mob doesn’t realize? They have awoken Akira’s inner NINJA!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Kosugi starred in many ninja epics in the mid to late 80s and Pray for Death is one of his better made efforts. Like many Action heroes (especially of foreign descent), Kosugi delivery is wooden to say it kindly but the man has the screen presence to spare. When asked to deliver drama, Sho steps up and hits it solid; giving an extra dimension to what could be totally routine. Part of this has to do with Booth’s script, which paints Akira as a man haunted by his past and pushed until he can’t stands no more. Booth writes himself a plum counterpart to Akira in Limehouse Willie (who is NOT a hungry boxcar fighter battling for a sandwich…what was he on when he came up with that name?), who may just be one of the more reprehensible sonofabitches in 80 Action history. Willie does everything short of tying kids & old ladies down to railroad tracks whilst twirling a handlebar moustache (come to think of it, both would be hard to do at the same time). When the finale (which takes place in an abandoned mannequin factory like some plastic Cannibal Holocaust) kicks in, the viewer is just begging for ol’ Willie to be taken out…the mark of a truly great cinematic villain. The finale does bring about one of several implausabilities that might make some eyes roll (how can Akira take out five people at a time but have trouble with a near sixty year old man, no matter how good of shape he is?) Or Akira’s detective skills where he can determine who stole the necklace merely by a thread from the cop’s suit! Or how can the younger Kosugi kid take out every adult baddie within arm’s reach? To keep going would really defeat the purpose, though. This is just great, guilty pleasure fun of the time period from the action sequences to Peggy Abernathy’s “Back to the Shadows’” being belted out during the credits in a Benatar-ish wail (great for parties and ninja training montages…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCzQltBlYGA).
Body Count/Violence: 47. To be fair, 16 of these take place during a TV show scene that the kids are watching. However, there is a fair bit of bloody goings-on throughout the rest of the flick. Plenty of ninja stars, knife slashing & cutting, swordplay, saw blade action (both chain and buzz), car rundowns, explosions, shooting, etc.
Sexuality/Nudity: Though it was cut by distributors, it’s still subtly obvious that Willie violates Aiko before her ultimate demise. He tapes her mouth shut, smacks her about, then the next shot cuts to Willie washing blood from his face afterwards. It’s actually more disturbing this way.
Language/Dialogue: Some strong F-Word usage and other obscenities, namely what you would expect from someone nicknamed “Limehouse”.
How bad was it?:
Those that appreciate the ninja inside them appreciated this film, citing its positives more than its negatives (Booth’s performance being one of those main pluses).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shot for a relatively low $4 million in the winter of 1984, Trans World Entertainment released Pray for Death in November 1985. No grosses were made known but due to its minimal budget, it probably made noticeable bank.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
introduces his newest villain, Crackhouse Dave!
Pray for Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
With Halloween just around the corner, I have to wonder…when will it be en vogue to be a Ninja again on this holiday? I’m sure there were plenty of them in Sho Kosugi’s heyday but today it’s most likely all about the zombie. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m all for zombies on Halloween or Wednesday. It at least beats the shit out of…brrr, Jersey Shore costumes (or what some douchebags call “everyday wear”). All I can say is if you’re gonna be a ninja this Halloween, be Sho Kosugi. There’s few better to choose from.
The Plot, as it was:
Kosugi stars as Akira, a Japanese immigrant setting up a restaurant business with his family in America. However, he and the elderly gentleman (Parley Baer) he bought the place from do not realize that a valuable necklace that was hidden there has been stolen off the premises by crooked cops. While in cahoots with the cops, the befuddled mob doesn’t realize they have been taken by their partners and decide to target Akira and his family. Strong-armed by Limehouse Willie (James Booth) and his associates, Akira’s family is bullied until his wife Aiko (Donna K. Benz) is dead and son Takeshi (Kane Kosugi) is hospitalized. Another thing the mob doesn’t realize? They have awoken Akira’s inner NINJA!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Kosugi starred in many ninja epics in the mid to late 80s and Pray for Death is one of his better made efforts. Like many Action heroes (especially of foreign descent), Kosugi delivery is wooden to say it kindly but the man has the screen presence to spare. When asked to deliver drama, Sho steps up and hits it solid; giving an extra dimension to what could be totally routine. Part of this has to do with Booth’s script, which paints Akira as a man haunted by his past and pushed until he can’t stands no more. Booth writes himself a plum counterpart to Akira in Limehouse Willie (who is NOT a hungry boxcar fighter battling for a sandwich…what was he on when he came up with that name?), who may just be one of the more reprehensible sonofabitches in 80 Action history. Willie does everything short of tying kids & old ladies down to railroad tracks whilst twirling a handlebar moustache (come to think of it, both would be hard to do at the same time). When the finale (which takes place in an abandoned mannequin factory like some plastic Cannibal Holocaust) kicks in, the viewer is just begging for ol’ Willie to be taken out…the mark of a truly great cinematic villain. The finale does bring about one of several implausabilities that might make some eyes roll (how can Akira take out five people at a time but have trouble with a near sixty year old man, no matter how good of shape he is?) Or Akira’s detective skills where he can determine who stole the necklace merely by a thread from the cop’s suit! Or how can the younger Kosugi kid take out every adult baddie within arm’s reach? To keep going would really defeat the purpose, though. This is just great, guilty pleasure fun of the time period from the action sequences to Peggy Abernathy’s “Back to the Shadows’” being belted out during the credits in a Benatar-ish wail (great for parties and ninja training montages…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCzQltBlYGA).
Body Count/Violence: 47. To be fair, 16 of these take place during a TV show scene that the kids are watching. However, there is a fair bit of bloody goings-on throughout the rest of the flick. Plenty of ninja stars, knife slashing & cutting, swordplay, saw blade action (both chain and buzz), car rundowns, explosions, shooting, etc.
Sexuality/Nudity: Though it was cut by distributors, it’s still subtly obvious that Willie violates Aiko before her ultimate demise. He tapes her mouth shut, smacks her about, then the next shot cuts to Willie washing blood from his face afterwards. It’s actually more disturbing this way.
Language/Dialogue: Some strong F-Word usage and other obscenities, namely what you would expect from someone nicknamed “Limehouse”.
How bad was it?:
Those that appreciate the ninja inside them appreciated this film, citing its positives more than its negatives (Booth’s performance being one of those main pluses).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shot for a relatively low $4 million in the winter of 1984, Trans World Entertainment released Pray for Death in November 1985. No grosses were made known but due to its minimal budget, it probably made noticeable bank.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Hunt to Kill
The Action Mutant…
says he can get more generic with the titles if you would like.
Hunt to Kill
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Ah, the Direct-to-Video market. Where former pro wrestlers go to resurrect their careers like a phoenix rising from the Redbox. Hulk Hogan did it. Roddy Piper did it. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson skipped that and just went right into feature films. One more name to add to the list of the former two is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. After getting out of the pro wrestling game, Austin starred in the much maligned The Condemned. Of course, action films are pretty much exempt from much critical shelling and Austin went on to star in a series of solid, if unspectacular actioners. Aside from his role in The Expendables, all of these have been of the aforementioned DtV variety. Now, in your best Vince McMahon voice, get ready to read the review of the movie that is...HUNT TO KILL!
The Plot, as it was:
Austin plays Jim Rhodes (if you we-all), a former Border Patrol agent living in Montana after the death of his partner (ERIC ROBERTS!). Rhodes is a man of the land and the only things he has to deal with are the occasional bad weather and his rebellious daughter Kim (Marie Avergopoulos) shoplifting. He goes to spring the kid from the Sheriff's office only to run into a band of thieves led by the twisted Banks (Gil Bellows). They are in search of a rogue member (Michael Hogan) of their squad that strayed off with their money from a previous heist. Of course, they need someone that knows the land and...well, you all know where this is going. He and his daughter are held against their will in trying to track down the money but once things get hairier, the real question being posed is "Who is being hunted here?" Hunted...TO KILL! Ok, it's old now.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If I had to put a comparison to it, Hunt to Kill is mostly akin to the average student in the classroom. They don't do anything relatively great but they won't disappoint either. They are pretty much adequate at what they do and so is this flick. Nothing from Kill is out to reset the wheel and therefore, it passes as a standard time killer. As expected, Austin works well as the vengeful, sullen hero who can be brash when needed to be. The guy has presence to spare and that carries him through to the next scene. The rest of the cast comprise the usual archetypes for the genre as far as a villain superteam is concerned (psycho boss, slutty arm candy, dashing Euro braggart, nerdy tech guy, etc.). Bellows stands out but not in a particularly great way. See, director Keoni Waxman helmed a mildly underrated action film called Countdown in 1996. The heavy in that film was played by Jason London (Dazed and Confused, The Rage: Carrie 2) and lets just say there was enough ham in that performance for a weeks worth of family dinners. Bellows pulls the same act here and when the script calls for him to act crazy, it doesn't quite come off as convincing, either. It's a slight distraction from what is a basic, by the numbers tome with a few decent fight scenes (the one with Austin & action stalwart Gary Daniels being the showcase), a last third that picks up steam and a bravura finale, if anything.
Body Count/Violence: 15. Although Austin doesn't hand out any "Stone Cold Stunners" (still waiting...), he hands out the brutality in marginal doses. Some gory CGI shooting, explosions, broken limbs, ATV mayhem, arrow shots, wooden branch impaling and general ass whoopery abound.
Sexuality/Nudity: None. Though I'm sure Under Armour got a good cut from this flick since Austin wears an UA shirt for the majority of his screen time.
Language/Dialogue: Pretty strong, with a good amount of F-word droppage and other obscenities.
How bad was it?:
The majority of critics place it on the "we've seen it before" shelf but some less discerning scribes liked it for what it was. Not surprisingly, a lot of them pretty much poo poo on Bellows' performance.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in the fall of 2009 in Canada, no grosses are available for this DtV release (available as of 11/9/10) by Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
says he can get more generic with the titles if you would like.
Hunt to Kill
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Ah, the Direct-to-Video market. Where former pro wrestlers go to resurrect their careers like a phoenix rising from the Redbox. Hulk Hogan did it. Roddy Piper did it. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson skipped that and just went right into feature films. One more name to add to the list of the former two is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. After getting out of the pro wrestling game, Austin starred in the much maligned The Condemned. Of course, action films are pretty much exempt from much critical shelling and Austin went on to star in a series of solid, if unspectacular actioners. Aside from his role in The Expendables, all of these have been of the aforementioned DtV variety. Now, in your best Vince McMahon voice, get ready to read the review of the movie that is...HUNT TO KILL!
The Plot, as it was:
Austin plays Jim Rhodes (if you we-all), a former Border Patrol agent living in Montana after the death of his partner (ERIC ROBERTS!). Rhodes is a man of the land and the only things he has to deal with are the occasional bad weather and his rebellious daughter Kim (Marie Avergopoulos) shoplifting. He goes to spring the kid from the Sheriff's office only to run into a band of thieves led by the twisted Banks (Gil Bellows). They are in search of a rogue member (Michael Hogan) of their squad that strayed off with their money from a previous heist. Of course, they need someone that knows the land and...well, you all know where this is going. He and his daughter are held against their will in trying to track down the money but once things get hairier, the real question being posed is "Who is being hunted here?" Hunted...TO KILL! Ok, it's old now.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If I had to put a comparison to it, Hunt to Kill is mostly akin to the average student in the classroom. They don't do anything relatively great but they won't disappoint either. They are pretty much adequate at what they do and so is this flick. Nothing from Kill is out to reset the wheel and therefore, it passes as a standard time killer. As expected, Austin works well as the vengeful, sullen hero who can be brash when needed to be. The guy has presence to spare and that carries him through to the next scene. The rest of the cast comprise the usual archetypes for the genre as far as a villain superteam is concerned (psycho boss, slutty arm candy, dashing Euro braggart, nerdy tech guy, etc.). Bellows stands out but not in a particularly great way. See, director Keoni Waxman helmed a mildly underrated action film called Countdown in 1996. The heavy in that film was played by Jason London (Dazed and Confused, The Rage: Carrie 2) and lets just say there was enough ham in that performance for a weeks worth of family dinners. Bellows pulls the same act here and when the script calls for him to act crazy, it doesn't quite come off as convincing, either. It's a slight distraction from what is a basic, by the numbers tome with a few decent fight scenes (the one with Austin & action stalwart Gary Daniels being the showcase), a last third that picks up steam and a bravura finale, if anything.
Body Count/Violence: 15. Although Austin doesn't hand out any "Stone Cold Stunners" (still waiting...), he hands out the brutality in marginal doses. Some gory CGI shooting, explosions, broken limbs, ATV mayhem, arrow shots, wooden branch impaling and general ass whoopery abound.
Sexuality/Nudity: None. Though I'm sure Under Armour got a good cut from this flick since Austin wears an UA shirt for the majority of his screen time.
Language/Dialogue: Pretty strong, with a good amount of F-word droppage and other obscenities.
How bad was it?:
The majority of critics place it on the "we've seen it before" shelf but some less discerning scribes liked it for what it was. Not surprisingly, a lot of them pretty much poo poo on Bellows' performance.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in the fall of 2009 in Canada, no grosses are available for this DtV release (available as of 11/9/10) by Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Hard Target - Director's Cut
The Action Mutant…
says neckties are dangerous for a reason!
Hard Target (Director’s Cut)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
So, you know something good had to bring me back out of hiding and it has, courtesy of a submission on a certain viral video site. It’s like hitting free porn on your computer, except people close to you will just think you’re a sociopath instead of a freaky, sex pervert (it’s ok…they probably think the latter about you already). Oh, and what has happened since last I wrote? Well…not much. I started watching Glee recently, which leaves me about as shocked as you are. Dennis Hopper died, which was a stone cold bummer. I remember in my silly, formative years thinking that Hopper’s villain in Speed was the greatest thing I ever seen…and then I saw Blue Velvet! Baby didn’t sleep that night. I learned that a tie is more dangerous than a sledgehammer, pro wrestling refs and soccer refs go to the same school and two oil CEOs may be able to screw in a light bulb but they can’t stop a fucking oil leak! And yes, I realize this part of the review will be very timely in five years or so. Then again, so will this whole Jersey/reality TV craze (one can only hope).
The Plot, as it was:
Check the archives for January 2009. It’s the first review. Dammit, do I have to do everything around here?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Reading of Hard Target’s development makes for a story of turmoil and missed opportunity. After its underwhelming debut in 1993, the legend of Woo’s fabled 116 minute “director’s cut” started making the rounds with bootleg video hounds & collectors all over. The promise of seeing the film as Woo intended it (a 128 minute cut is rumored to exist but Woo prefers this one) gave fans hope, as they figured on seeing either a new bevy of violence or an amazingly better film than what they saw in theaters. Needless to say, both assumptions were half right. Woo’s Target is markedly better than the theater cut but that doesn’t push it into classic territory with A Better Tomorrow or The Killer nor is it as insanely violent as Hard Boiled. The perception of Van Damme being the “infallible hero” still holds true, which pretty much means fans were getting a JCVD flick no matter how long it was (though there are less close ups in this version). Yancy Butler’s corpse-like delivery is still intact, as well as Diabeetus’ goofy Uncle Douvee (complete with greeting dance for Chance in this version). And to clarify, this is also a “work print”, meaning there is no polished open/closing credits, Graeme Revell music (the fill-in music is from other films, reminding me of the glory days of Cannon) and time display in the left hand corner. However, it’s easy to tell that despite the lack of post-production shine, the man was definitely trying to craft something above the norm. There are several small touches that didn’t make it into the final print, such as Chance & Van Cleef using their tracking skills to their fullest and flashbacks seen in different points of the movie than they were in the theatrical cut. Oddly enough, the finale arguably works better in the theatrical cut with Fouchon putting up more of a fight there. The version here has Fouchon talking more trash (and JCVD’s close ups replaced with shots of the bombed out parade floats) but lacks the most humorous touch in his bravura demise (that touch most likely being a Sam Raimi touch added in after the fact)! In all, this is the better edition of the two versions and should be required viewing for Woo fans. (Note: I know I missed stuff…read below)
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!: Same as before.
Body Count/Violence: 44. C-mon, fella, admit it…this is what you wanted to read. You knew mucho violent content was excised from this flick and you wanted to find out about the juicy bits. Let’s go chronologically with this (SPOLIERS!!!):
- The opening hunt of Binder (Chuck Pfarrer) has the prey putting up more of a fight, with Binder actually taking out a henchman in a kill that mirrors one of Chance’s better ones. Binder pulls the arrow out of his shoulder in slow motion and is later shot in the leg by one (explaining that arrow that magically appeared sticking out of his leg as he fell through the bridge in the theatrical cut).
- The Reservoir Dogs homage where Poe’s (Elliot Keener) ear is cut by scissors is intact, with blood flowing freely as the ear is visibly severed. Fouchon punches Poe square in the face, sending blood flying out of his fat jowls.
- The most potent scene of the DC is arguably when Fouchon is playing the piano & shots of big game being hunted down are intercut with it. This was cut out of the theatrical cut, either because it was felt to be too disturbing or may have made viewers think too much. Can’t have either, daddy.
- The cemetery shootout has Elijah (Willie Carpenter) emptying a few more rounds into Zenan (Joe Warfield). Elijah’s death is more prolonged as he gets up after being shot 20 or so times and takes at least 20 more.
- The sequence set off by Poe’s death starts with Det. Mitchell (Kasi Lemmons) taking bloodier bullet hits. Chance takes out an extra biker by gunfire and sets out to be chased. In one of the more perplexing cuts, a black Sedan is shot up by Chance, sent flying into a parked car and explodes. In the theatrical cut, the Sedan is obviously apart of the chase at the beginning but disappears when the chase hits the highway. Chance lets off a few extra shots before crashing the motorcycle into the 4x4 truck.
- The hunters spend more time carefully closing in on Douvee’s shack. Two nameless bikers are set on fire in slow motion before being put out of their misery by Fouchon.
- The warehouse shootout has much more going on this time around. SVEN-OLE gets an extra 15-20 shots before getting the spin-kicking of a lifetime (remember, 528 bullets to the torso won’t work but topped off with a well placed JCVD kick? Money!). Two bikers get extra bullets and a new biker gets gunned down. The hunter in the cowboy hat takes extra bloody hits and Lopacki (Robert Apisa) is not only shot extra by Chance but takes an arrow in the arm from Douvee! Douvee’s one kill by arrow is punctuated by showing that the arrow actually went through the guy’s throat (with the shot of the biker falling to the ground with the arrow piercing through his neck not in the TC). Chance takes out three bikers by bloody gunfire, then unloads more extra rounds into Van Cleef.
- The final shootout between Chance & Fouchon is notably different here. Douvee takes an extra bloody shot to the leg (explaining his limp after being stabbed with the arrow). After the two talk trash to each other, Chance kicks Fouchon down but the next shot is of Fouchon taking Nat hostage (excising the brawling part in between added in afterwards). After Chance kicks Fouchon clear into next week, he avoids saying his big closing TC line (“Hunting season…is over!”), drops the grenade on Fouchon’s lap and he goes ka-boom. The end. Fire up that Creedence, Dude!
Sexuality/Nudity: Did you know there’s a love scene in here between Chance & Nat? No foolin’. It was apparently done away with because it didn’t show enough T&A. Yes because Van Damme’s ass wasn’t showcased enough in his previous starring vehicles. It’s so obvious THAT’S what this film was missing!
Language/Dialogue: Same as before.
How bad was it?:
Critics maintain that while most of the DC is better, it’s not perfect by any means. Still, we would have rather watched this. Thanks, Universal!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Obviously not. And yet Waterworld was green lighted over this shit.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2010 The Action Mutant.
says neckties are dangerous for a reason!
Hard Target (Director’s Cut)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
So, you know something good had to bring me back out of hiding and it has, courtesy of a submission on a certain viral video site. It’s like hitting free porn on your computer, except people close to you will just think you’re a sociopath instead of a freaky, sex pervert (it’s ok…they probably think the latter about you already). Oh, and what has happened since last I wrote? Well…not much. I started watching Glee recently, which leaves me about as shocked as you are. Dennis Hopper died, which was a stone cold bummer. I remember in my silly, formative years thinking that Hopper’s villain in Speed was the greatest thing I ever seen…and then I saw Blue Velvet! Baby didn’t sleep that night. I learned that a tie is more dangerous than a sledgehammer, pro wrestling refs and soccer refs go to the same school and two oil CEOs may be able to screw in a light bulb but they can’t stop a fucking oil leak! And yes, I realize this part of the review will be very timely in five years or so. Then again, so will this whole Jersey/reality TV craze (one can only hope).
The Plot, as it was:
Check the archives for January 2009. It’s the first review. Dammit, do I have to do everything around here?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Reading of Hard Target’s development makes for a story of turmoil and missed opportunity. After its underwhelming debut in 1993, the legend of Woo’s fabled 116 minute “director’s cut” started making the rounds with bootleg video hounds & collectors all over. The promise of seeing the film as Woo intended it (a 128 minute cut is rumored to exist but Woo prefers this one) gave fans hope, as they figured on seeing either a new bevy of violence or an amazingly better film than what they saw in theaters. Needless to say, both assumptions were half right. Woo’s Target is markedly better than the theater cut but that doesn’t push it into classic territory with A Better Tomorrow or The Killer nor is it as insanely violent as Hard Boiled. The perception of Van Damme being the “infallible hero” still holds true, which pretty much means fans were getting a JCVD flick no matter how long it was (though there are less close ups in this version). Yancy Butler’s corpse-like delivery is still intact, as well as Diabeetus’ goofy Uncle Douvee (complete with greeting dance for Chance in this version). And to clarify, this is also a “work print”, meaning there is no polished open/closing credits, Graeme Revell music (the fill-in music is from other films, reminding me of the glory days of Cannon) and time display in the left hand corner. However, it’s easy to tell that despite the lack of post-production shine, the man was definitely trying to craft something above the norm. There are several small touches that didn’t make it into the final print, such as Chance & Van Cleef using their tracking skills to their fullest and flashbacks seen in different points of the movie than they were in the theatrical cut. Oddly enough, the finale arguably works better in the theatrical cut with Fouchon putting up more of a fight there. The version here has Fouchon talking more trash (and JCVD’s close ups replaced with shots of the bombed out parade floats) but lacks the most humorous touch in his bravura demise (that touch most likely being a Sam Raimi touch added in after the fact)! In all, this is the better edition of the two versions and should be required viewing for Woo fans. (Note: I know I missed stuff…read below)
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!: Same as before.
Body Count/Violence: 44. C-mon, fella, admit it…this is what you wanted to read. You knew mucho violent content was excised from this flick and you wanted to find out about the juicy bits. Let’s go chronologically with this (SPOLIERS!!!):
- The opening hunt of Binder (Chuck Pfarrer) has the prey putting up more of a fight, with Binder actually taking out a henchman in a kill that mirrors one of Chance’s better ones. Binder pulls the arrow out of his shoulder in slow motion and is later shot in the leg by one (explaining that arrow that magically appeared sticking out of his leg as he fell through the bridge in the theatrical cut).
- The Reservoir Dogs homage where Poe’s (Elliot Keener) ear is cut by scissors is intact, with blood flowing freely as the ear is visibly severed. Fouchon punches Poe square in the face, sending blood flying out of his fat jowls.
- The most potent scene of the DC is arguably when Fouchon is playing the piano & shots of big game being hunted down are intercut with it. This was cut out of the theatrical cut, either because it was felt to be too disturbing or may have made viewers think too much. Can’t have either, daddy.
- The cemetery shootout has Elijah (Willie Carpenter) emptying a few more rounds into Zenan (Joe Warfield). Elijah’s death is more prolonged as he gets up after being shot 20 or so times and takes at least 20 more.
- The sequence set off by Poe’s death starts with Det. Mitchell (Kasi Lemmons) taking bloodier bullet hits. Chance takes out an extra biker by gunfire and sets out to be chased. In one of the more perplexing cuts, a black Sedan is shot up by Chance, sent flying into a parked car and explodes. In the theatrical cut, the Sedan is obviously apart of the chase at the beginning but disappears when the chase hits the highway. Chance lets off a few extra shots before crashing the motorcycle into the 4x4 truck.
- The hunters spend more time carefully closing in on Douvee’s shack. Two nameless bikers are set on fire in slow motion before being put out of their misery by Fouchon.
- The warehouse shootout has much more going on this time around. SVEN-OLE gets an extra 15-20 shots before getting the spin-kicking of a lifetime (remember, 528 bullets to the torso won’t work but topped off with a well placed JCVD kick? Money!). Two bikers get extra bullets and a new biker gets gunned down. The hunter in the cowboy hat takes extra bloody hits and Lopacki (Robert Apisa) is not only shot extra by Chance but takes an arrow in the arm from Douvee! Douvee’s one kill by arrow is punctuated by showing that the arrow actually went through the guy’s throat (with the shot of the biker falling to the ground with the arrow piercing through his neck not in the TC). Chance takes out three bikers by bloody gunfire, then unloads more extra rounds into Van Cleef.
- The final shootout between Chance & Fouchon is notably different here. Douvee takes an extra bloody shot to the leg (explaining his limp after being stabbed with the arrow). After the two talk trash to each other, Chance kicks Fouchon down but the next shot is of Fouchon taking Nat hostage (excising the brawling part in between added in afterwards). After Chance kicks Fouchon clear into next week, he avoids saying his big closing TC line (“Hunting season…is over!”), drops the grenade on Fouchon’s lap and he goes ka-boom. The end. Fire up that Creedence, Dude!
Sexuality/Nudity: Did you know there’s a love scene in here between Chance & Nat? No foolin’. It was apparently done away with because it didn’t show enough T&A. Yes because Van Damme’s ass wasn’t showcased enough in his previous starring vehicles. It’s so obvious THAT’S what this film was missing!
Language/Dialogue: Same as before.
How bad was it?:
Critics maintain that while most of the DC is better, it’s not perfect by any means. Still, we would have rather watched this. Thanks, Universal!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Obviously not. And yet Waterworld was green lighted over this shit.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2010 The Action Mutant.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Catch the Heat
The Action Mutant…
didn’t know Nixon’s dog was Jewish!
Catch the Heat
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
In reading up on Tiana Alexandra, one could make the argument that we all missed out on a great Action star (or at least another famous one). Born Thi Thanh Nga in Vietnam in 1961, Tiana moved to America when she was 15 but not before she was personally trained by Bruce Lee himself. She became involved with screenwriter Stirling Silliphant (who was 43 years her senior…yes…a nice, odd number) & was integral in many of his future projects, most notably the TV miniseries Pearl. Unfortunately for her, Catch the Heat was the peak of her career as she decided to go back to Vietnam & chronicle her (and her country’s) past in what would eventually become her 1993 documentary From Hollywood to Hanoi. She would never go back to acting and while it’s arguable if her success would have been any more prevalent, it is kind of a shame that we’ll never know. Then again, she may have never been big. Maybe it would have had something to do with her character in this film being named…
The Plot, as it was:
CHECKERS GOLDBERG (That deserves an internet acronym…here it goes…WTF?)!!! Anyway, ahem….Checkers is a hot Asian cop that revels in taking down rapists & cracking wise at her lovelorn partner Waldo Tarr (David Dukes). It is soon brought to the duo’s attention that talent magnate Jason Hannibal (Rod Steiger) is smuggling drugs out of Argentina through mysterious means, which warrants an undercover job to crack the ring. Seeing as Waldo doesn’t look good in a dress, Checkers becomes “Cinderella Pu” (Character names on Acid 101) and travels to Argentina to get in Hannibal’s good graces & to uncover the dark secret behind his operation. I would say she gets into some “deep Pu” but can I really come up with a better joke after hearing that name?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Despite the goofy ass names, Tiana’s astounding hotness and the eventual revelation of the secret behind the smuggling ring (which fits right in with the exploitive vibe of 80s B movie actioners), Catch the Heat doesn’t prove to be a wholly memorable tale at all. You think it would be with all I mentioned above but those are sadly the most notable elements. Though Tiana looks great in all of her various costume changes, her dialogue from the Silliphant penned script sabotages her chances at making many impressions. It doesn’t help that she has to speak stereotypic broken English in her Cinderella Pu persona for a majority of the pic (or “pigeon English” as an IMDB poster referred to it as; the kind of English Truman Capote’s character in Murder By Death would be repelled by) though it does add to the camp value quite a bit (as well as the “politically incorrect” quotient). The fact that the “pigeon English” seems to fool everyone Cinderella comes in contact with makes the gag become more annoying as it continues. Dukes puts a lot of bluster behind his lines & seems to relish his role for what it is. Surprisingly, it’s Steiger (who usually didn’t have to wait for the proverbial hat to drop to overact his ass off) that comes off nearly sedate in the heavy role. It’s almost as if he figured “Hey, I’ve never been to Argentina…sounds like a good vacation…and I get a payday out of it, too!” I doubt if Steiger going MD (20/20) on everyone would have elevated the film but it couldn’t have hurt. Though CtH is never boring, it is something you have seen before & the novelty of having a lady kung fu lead isn’t presented with enough “wow” factor to have one remember the film a few hours after they saw it.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Professor Toru Tanaka (The Running Man, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning) plays Hannibal’s guard Dozu. He was also “Sumo Wrestler #1” in an episode of the ABC drama Life Goes On, which really makes me curious as to what THAT episode was about (when it comes to Corky, the possibilities are endless).
Body Count/Violence: 35. Nothing unusual aside from some moderate (yet bloodless) gunplay & fighting near the end. There’s also a car chase (featuring a nifty motorcycle jump onto a flatbed truck), explosions, strangling, neck breaking & head puncturing. The best death occurs when Checkers (…seriously?) maneuvers a knife betwixt her toes during a grounded struggle & kicks it into a guy’s back. I don’t care what your name is at that point…that’s pretty cool.
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiana’s overall yumminess is first on display when she emerges from the San Francisco bay in a wet t-shirt. Strangely, I can’t remember any dialogue during that scene…Anyhow, Tiana also graces the screen in a topless shower scene & and in several cute, Asian gowns that bring the Japanese submissive fetishist out in all of us (guys, that is). There are also some shots of scantly clad models backstage at a show.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other mild obscenities to go around. However, none of those beats Waldo’s epic threat of “Give me a name or I’ll give you a vagina!” while interrogating a male suspect & holding a gun to his crotch.
How bad was it?:
The few reviews on Catch the Heat don’t outright bury it but do reiterate the fact that it was nothing more than a routine Action flick in a decade that churned many of them out (and yet, are still like crack to many of us still young at heart).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Catch the Heat actually made its premiere at Cannes on 5/13/87 & was released in America in October of that year by Trans World Entertainment. No box office/budget figures are known and since few ever heard of Tiana Alexandra after this, I can safely say it wasn’t a monetary success. Maybe if her name wasn’t fucking CHECKERS!!! If you're curious, you can find the film on the MGM DVD label on Amazon.com for as low as $2.76.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
didn’t know Nixon’s dog was Jewish!
Catch the Heat
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
In reading up on Tiana Alexandra, one could make the argument that we all missed out on a great Action star (or at least another famous one). Born Thi Thanh Nga in Vietnam in 1961, Tiana moved to America when she was 15 but not before she was personally trained by Bruce Lee himself. She became involved with screenwriter Stirling Silliphant (who was 43 years her senior…yes…a nice, odd number) & was integral in many of his future projects, most notably the TV miniseries Pearl. Unfortunately for her, Catch the Heat was the peak of her career as she decided to go back to Vietnam & chronicle her (and her country’s) past in what would eventually become her 1993 documentary From Hollywood to Hanoi. She would never go back to acting and while it’s arguable if her success would have been any more prevalent, it is kind of a shame that we’ll never know. Then again, she may have never been big. Maybe it would have had something to do with her character in this film being named…
The Plot, as it was:
CHECKERS GOLDBERG (That deserves an internet acronym…here it goes…WTF?)!!! Anyway, ahem….Checkers is a hot Asian cop that revels in taking down rapists & cracking wise at her lovelorn partner Waldo Tarr (David Dukes). It is soon brought to the duo’s attention that talent magnate Jason Hannibal (Rod Steiger) is smuggling drugs out of Argentina through mysterious means, which warrants an undercover job to crack the ring. Seeing as Waldo doesn’t look good in a dress, Checkers becomes “Cinderella Pu” (Character names on Acid 101) and travels to Argentina to get in Hannibal’s good graces & to uncover the dark secret behind his operation. I would say she gets into some “deep Pu” but can I really come up with a better joke after hearing that name?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Despite the goofy ass names, Tiana’s astounding hotness and the eventual revelation of the secret behind the smuggling ring (which fits right in with the exploitive vibe of 80s B movie actioners), Catch the Heat doesn’t prove to be a wholly memorable tale at all. You think it would be with all I mentioned above but those are sadly the most notable elements. Though Tiana looks great in all of her various costume changes, her dialogue from the Silliphant penned script sabotages her chances at making many impressions. It doesn’t help that she has to speak stereotypic broken English in her Cinderella Pu persona for a majority of the pic (or “pigeon English” as an IMDB poster referred to it as; the kind of English Truman Capote’s character in Murder By Death would be repelled by) though it does add to the camp value quite a bit (as well as the “politically incorrect” quotient). The fact that the “pigeon English” seems to fool everyone Cinderella comes in contact with makes the gag become more annoying as it continues. Dukes puts a lot of bluster behind his lines & seems to relish his role for what it is. Surprisingly, it’s Steiger (who usually didn’t have to wait for the proverbial hat to drop to overact his ass off) that comes off nearly sedate in the heavy role. It’s almost as if he figured “Hey, I’ve never been to Argentina…sounds like a good vacation…and I get a payday out of it, too!” I doubt if Steiger going MD (20/20) on everyone would have elevated the film but it couldn’t have hurt. Though CtH is never boring, it is something you have seen before & the novelty of having a lady kung fu lead isn’t presented with enough “wow” factor to have one remember the film a few hours after they saw it.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Professor Toru Tanaka (The Running Man, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning) plays Hannibal’s guard Dozu. He was also “Sumo Wrestler #1” in an episode of the ABC drama Life Goes On, which really makes me curious as to what THAT episode was about (when it comes to Corky, the possibilities are endless).
Body Count/Violence: 35. Nothing unusual aside from some moderate (yet bloodless) gunplay & fighting near the end. There’s also a car chase (featuring a nifty motorcycle jump onto a flatbed truck), explosions, strangling, neck breaking & head puncturing. The best death occurs when Checkers (…seriously?) maneuvers a knife betwixt her toes during a grounded struggle & kicks it into a guy’s back. I don’t care what your name is at that point…that’s pretty cool.
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiana’s overall yumminess is first on display when she emerges from the San Francisco bay in a wet t-shirt. Strangely, I can’t remember any dialogue during that scene…Anyhow, Tiana also graces the screen in a topless shower scene & and in several cute, Asian gowns that bring the Japanese submissive fetishist out in all of us (guys, that is). There are also some shots of scantly clad models backstage at a show.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other mild obscenities to go around. However, none of those beats Waldo’s epic threat of “Give me a name or I’ll give you a vagina!” while interrogating a male suspect & holding a gun to his crotch.
How bad was it?:
The few reviews on Catch the Heat don’t outright bury it but do reiterate the fact that it was nothing more than a routine Action flick in a decade that churned many of them out (and yet, are still like crack to many of us still young at heart).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Catch the Heat actually made its premiere at Cannes on 5/13/87 & was released in America in October of that year by Trans World Entertainment. No box office/budget figures are known and since few ever heard of Tiana Alexandra after this, I can safely say it wasn’t a monetary success. Maybe if her name wasn’t fucking CHECKERS!!! If you're curious, you can find the film on the MGM DVD label on Amazon.com for as low as $2.76.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Blood Games
The Action Mutant…
guesses rednecks make their own gravy.
Blood Games
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
(Note: The “Perspective” will be tweaked somewhat, as it will now be a quote from one of the principles of the film. I may jump back on the soapbox without warning, though.)
“Probably because I look like a dirty drunk and a drifter. They say we play best what we are. God! I hope that's not true.”
- Charles “Buck” Flower, on being typecast.
The Plot, as it was:
Laura Albert plays the pitcher of an all female baseball team that’s managed by her pops Midnight (Ross Hagen). The team whoops on a gaggle of yokels in a game for a grand prize of $1,000 by the score of 17-2 (with the money going forward to pay off Midnight’s gambling debts). The yokels aren’t too pleased about the outcome & a series of events leave Midnight and the local bigwig’s son Roy (Gregory Scott Cummins) dead. The girls end up on the run from the townsfolk, who are offered a grand a head by the bigwig Mino Collins (Luke Shay) to kill all of the baseball babes. It’s like deer hunting season…with boobs!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the “Foxy baseball playing women hunted by crazed, backwoods rednecks” genre, Blood Games is absolutely at the top of the list. In all fairness, Blood Games is one of the most entertaining of the trashy, “women seeking revenge” pics out there & definitely an overlooked one amongst such genre staples as I Spit on Your Grave and Ms. 45. There’s nothing particular that stands out about it but it has the right amount of dark humor, tits & ammo to make for a fun, drunken night of movie watching. Of course, all of this makes for a bad movie in the traditional sense. The “actresses” (many of which can only claim this as their only acting credit) aren’t on screen for their “acting”…lets just say you can’t put your finger on them…err, it. That doesn’t work, either. Anyway, the male side compensates by overacting at every turn but they do have veteran character actors like Hagen & Charles “Buck” Flower (under the pseudonym “Ernest Wall” & playing what he plays best: a goofy, drunk bumpkin) to make things interesting. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Don Dowe as crazed drunk Holt, who gets extra points for wearing a Roddy Piper “Hot Rod!” shirt during the ballgame! Director Tanya Rosenberg gets credit for making the most of a small budget by touching the action with frequent slow motion shots & a fair buildup of the action. Despite these occurrences of competency, Blood Games isn’t meant to be taken seriously at any moment during its run time. The sequencing goes something like this: hillbillies kill one of the gals (or attempt to rape, which may be the only thing that may get to some people), gals mourn their pal, gals plan elaborate ruse & kill hillbilly. Later, rinse & repeat, says the Grindhouse bible (which someone should get to writing…). In fact, the only thing missing from making Blood Games perfect GH fare are the pops, hisses & cig burns that became en vogue with the release of the Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration. All in all, it’s worth a solid triple (yeah, a baseball cliché…I’m fired, aren’t I?).
Body Count/Violence: 16. Have a hillbilly hunt with his bare hands and he’ll last a day…give a hillbilly a shotgun to hunt with and he’ll be in the movies for life! The main death is by said implement & leads to the most blood splatter in the film. People are also run down by buses, shot by arrows, beaten down with baseball bats, hit with big rocks, hanged from trees & impaled. Twas needing a bear trap, though.
Sexuality/Nudity: No exaggeration here…EVERY woman on the baseball team gets naked. The obligatory “locker room” scene has the ladies in several forms of undress & everything is shown in one form or another. A few rape scenes lead to more T&A, which are staples in this sub-genre. The woman also sport the usual tight, clingy early 90s fare that we all know & (not really now) love. Oh, and one of the babes looked like a blond Patricia Tallman. If only…
Language/Dialogue: Ranges from mild to strong but it’s not the thing to look for.
How bad was it?:
The only legit review I read for this little seen fare was from Joe Bob Briggs & needless to say, he says you should check this out. The fan feedback seems to recognize the type of flick this is & don’t try to needlessly compare it to anything Oscar-worthy.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Known by the superior alternate title Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell in Australia, Blood Games was partially filmed in the Sequoia National Forest in California. It was produced by Epic Video & released through RCA/Columbia Home Video on 12/12/90. The VHS (sorry…no DVD yet) can be found on Amazon for as low as $4.98. That’s folding money, baby!
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
guesses rednecks make their own gravy.
Blood Games
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
(Note: The “Perspective” will be tweaked somewhat, as it will now be a quote from one of the principles of the film. I may jump back on the soapbox without warning, though.)
“Probably because I look like a dirty drunk and a drifter. They say we play best what we are. God! I hope that's not true.”
- Charles “Buck” Flower, on being typecast.
The Plot, as it was:
Laura Albert plays the pitcher of an all female baseball team that’s managed by her pops Midnight (Ross Hagen). The team whoops on a gaggle of yokels in a game for a grand prize of $1,000 by the score of 17-2 (with the money going forward to pay off Midnight’s gambling debts). The yokels aren’t too pleased about the outcome & a series of events leave Midnight and the local bigwig’s son Roy (Gregory Scott Cummins) dead. The girls end up on the run from the townsfolk, who are offered a grand a head by the bigwig Mino Collins (Luke Shay) to kill all of the baseball babes. It’s like deer hunting season…with boobs!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the “Foxy baseball playing women hunted by crazed, backwoods rednecks” genre, Blood Games is absolutely at the top of the list. In all fairness, Blood Games is one of the most entertaining of the trashy, “women seeking revenge” pics out there & definitely an overlooked one amongst such genre staples as I Spit on Your Grave and Ms. 45. There’s nothing particular that stands out about it but it has the right amount of dark humor, tits & ammo to make for a fun, drunken night of movie watching. Of course, all of this makes for a bad movie in the traditional sense. The “actresses” (many of which can only claim this as their only acting credit) aren’t on screen for their “acting”…lets just say you can’t put your finger on them…err, it. That doesn’t work, either. Anyway, the male side compensates by overacting at every turn but they do have veteran character actors like Hagen & Charles “Buck” Flower (under the pseudonym “Ernest Wall” & playing what he plays best: a goofy, drunk bumpkin) to make things interesting. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Don Dowe as crazed drunk Holt, who gets extra points for wearing a Roddy Piper “Hot Rod!” shirt during the ballgame! Director Tanya Rosenberg gets credit for making the most of a small budget by touching the action with frequent slow motion shots & a fair buildup of the action. Despite these occurrences of competency, Blood Games isn’t meant to be taken seriously at any moment during its run time. The sequencing goes something like this: hillbillies kill one of the gals (or attempt to rape, which may be the only thing that may get to some people), gals mourn their pal, gals plan elaborate ruse & kill hillbilly. Later, rinse & repeat, says the Grindhouse bible (which someone should get to writing…). In fact, the only thing missing from making Blood Games perfect GH fare are the pops, hisses & cig burns that became en vogue with the release of the Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration. All in all, it’s worth a solid triple (yeah, a baseball cliché…I’m fired, aren’t I?).
Body Count/Violence: 16. Have a hillbilly hunt with his bare hands and he’ll last a day…give a hillbilly a shotgun to hunt with and he’ll be in the movies for life! The main death is by said implement & leads to the most blood splatter in the film. People are also run down by buses, shot by arrows, beaten down with baseball bats, hit with big rocks, hanged from trees & impaled. Twas needing a bear trap, though.
Sexuality/Nudity: No exaggeration here…EVERY woman on the baseball team gets naked. The obligatory “locker room” scene has the ladies in several forms of undress & everything is shown in one form or another. A few rape scenes lead to more T&A, which are staples in this sub-genre. The woman also sport the usual tight, clingy early 90s fare that we all know & (not really now) love. Oh, and one of the babes looked like a blond Patricia Tallman. If only…
Language/Dialogue: Ranges from mild to strong but it’s not the thing to look for.
How bad was it?:
The only legit review I read for this little seen fare was from Joe Bob Briggs & needless to say, he says you should check this out. The fan feedback seems to recognize the type of flick this is & don’t try to needlessly compare it to anything Oscar-worthy.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Known by the superior alternate title Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell in Australia, Blood Games was partially filmed in the Sequoia National Forest in California. It was produced by Epic Video & released through RCA/Columbia Home Video on 12/12/90. The VHS (sorry…no DVD yet) can be found on Amazon for as low as $4.98. That’s folding money, baby!
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Extreme Prejudice
The Action Mutant…
thinks Walter Hill should just go ahead and make a film called “BALLS”.
Extreme Prejudice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
“Funny, ain't it…how it comes around. Right way's the hardest, wrong way's the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers… crooked men.”
- Sheriff Hank Pearson
Seriously, that's fuckin' deep, man. And shit gets blown up, too! Can't get much better than that.
The Plot, as it was:
Nick Nolte stars as Jack Benteen, a towering Texas Ranger who’s seeing his past catch up with him in a bad way. The ranger & his right hand man Sherriff Hank Pearson (Rip Torn!) have gotten into too many violent altercations with “drug mules” that have been sent across the border to transport narcotia for Benteen’s childhood friend Cash Bailey (Powers Boothe). When Benteen left Texas to become cop many years before, Cash ditched his informant gig, slinked off to Mexico & became a drug kingpin/militant warlord. As if it wasn’t hard enough for Jack to decide whether to go at his former pal with guns ablaze, his girl Sarita (Maria Conchita Alonso) is tired of the lawman’s macho bullshit & threatens to go back to her former flame…Cash Bailey! Meanwhile, a group of off-the-grid soldiers (led by Michael Ironside, so you know they’re all balanced) are planning on taking Cash out themselves & ending all of this drug business. Now, this sounds like a Mexican standoff!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
At one point in Extreme Prejudice, Cash Bailey snarls at a female to “show us your tits if you want to be useful”. That pretty much spells out EP to the casual audience, as this is a MAN’S movie. You got Nolte looking like he’s been carved from an oak tree & resembling a modernized Gary Cooper. There’s Boothe, all P&V and mirroring the devil incarnate per Sonny Crockett’s evil twin. Add to that Rip Torn cracking wise, Ironside being Ironside (himself, not Raymond Burr in a wheelchair), William Forsythe, Clancy “The Kurgan himself” Brown and the fact that this is directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs., Southern Comfort)…well, lets just say no one is going to be sitting down for tea in this one! EP plays out like a lost Peckinpah film (only with less slo-mo) and continues the tradition of Hill’s films being present day Westerns, which starts with Nolte. This is not the scraggly, booze soaked Nolte from 48 Hrs. or the goofy eccentric seen a year before in Down and Out in Beverly Hills; this one leaves the over-the-top histrionics behind. Tough & lean, Nolte’s Benteen has been weathered by the Texas sun & haunted by the inability to settle things right. He doesn’t want violence to take place but he doesn’t necessarily have to be talked into a gunfight, either. He’s easily complemented by Boothe, whose sardonic tone adds to every line the man utters (“I got a feeling the next time we run into each other, we gonna have a killin'.”). The supporting work is tops as well & Torn just about steals the flick outright with his snappy dialogue. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to be nearly deflated when he was taken out of the pic way too early (sorry to spoil it but the sidekick/older mentor always gets plugged so it’s not like its something new). Don’t fret however…the film boasts everything that makes an 80s Action classic and then some. The action is expertly shot & photographed to the point that you somehow FEEL sweaty and dusty after watching. If EP has anything going against it, it’s that it may be a bit too ambitious. The subplot with the “dead soldiers” complicates the rest of the framework & you can definitely tell it was John Milus’ contribution to the story. It’s arguable that the story would work just fine if Jack & Cash were left alone but the inclusion of the mercenaries makes it ultimately seem like an excuse to make sure the body count is upped. The end brings that prophecy to fruition (as well as enough plasma for half a dozen blood banks) but even the convoluted plot is not enough to dampen the grade A entertainment that is Extreme Prejudice.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Mickey Jones plays Chub Luke. Jones has been in just about everything but may be best known as the grease monkey that tells Chevy Chase “All of it, boy!” when pressing him for money in Vacation. Jones actually signs all of his autographs with that line.
- Lin Shaye (Kingpin, 2001 Maniacs) is the “Employment Office Clerk”.
Body Count/Violence: 42. The red soaked year of 1987 was aided immensely by Prejudice as the majority of the cast is blasted into bloody heaps by everything from shotguns, pump action Winchesters, Gatling guns and other automatic weaponry. This one may only be behind Robocop for that year’s bloodiest American Action flick. Also included is an explosion, a rat being knifed and…what ever you do, don’t accept a rabbit as a gift any time soon!
Sexuality/Nudity: Alonso fulfills the male checklist early on with a nice full frontal shot of her coming out of a shower. Another woman’s breasts are shown while she’s in bed in one scene.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for the era, with a decent amount of strong profanities involved. Plenty of memorable lines are spoken but nothing stands up to Torn’s immortal “The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester.”
How bad was it?:
Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up and Siskel went as far as calling it the closest to the mold of a classic Western in the 80s. Other critics not in tune with the genre gave it a mixed response, citing either its resemblance to The Wild Bunch or the fact it was just too ghastly & violent. Look at the cast, the director & the fact that the story was partly accredited to Captain NRA himself; if you were expecting Disney then you deserved to be disgusted because you’re dumb.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
TriStar & Carolco Entertainment released Extreme Prejudice on 4/24/87, where it debuted in 2nd place behind the Michael J. Fox vehicle The Secret of My Success with $3.5 million. The spring of ’87 proved to be a slow patch at the box office in general & EP dropped out of sight about a month after its opening, closing out with $11.3 million (no budget was announced). Despite its lackluster B.O., Extreme Prejudice developed a cult following since then & can be found on DVD on the Artisan Entertainment label.
Film: ****/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
thinks Walter Hill should just go ahead and make a film called “BALLS”.
Extreme Prejudice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
“Funny, ain't it…how it comes around. Right way's the hardest, wrong way's the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers… crooked men.”
- Sheriff Hank Pearson
Seriously, that's fuckin' deep, man. And shit gets blown up, too! Can't get much better than that.
The Plot, as it was:
Nick Nolte stars as Jack Benteen, a towering Texas Ranger who’s seeing his past catch up with him in a bad way. The ranger & his right hand man Sherriff Hank Pearson (Rip Torn!) have gotten into too many violent altercations with “drug mules” that have been sent across the border to transport narcotia for Benteen’s childhood friend Cash Bailey (Powers Boothe). When Benteen left Texas to become cop many years before, Cash ditched his informant gig, slinked off to Mexico & became a drug kingpin/militant warlord. As if it wasn’t hard enough for Jack to decide whether to go at his former pal with guns ablaze, his girl Sarita (Maria Conchita Alonso) is tired of the lawman’s macho bullshit & threatens to go back to her former flame…Cash Bailey! Meanwhile, a group of off-the-grid soldiers (led by Michael Ironside, so you know they’re all balanced) are planning on taking Cash out themselves & ending all of this drug business. Now, this sounds like a Mexican standoff!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
At one point in Extreme Prejudice, Cash Bailey snarls at a female to “show us your tits if you want to be useful”. That pretty much spells out EP to the casual audience, as this is a MAN’S movie. You got Nolte looking like he’s been carved from an oak tree & resembling a modernized Gary Cooper. There’s Boothe, all P&V and mirroring the devil incarnate per Sonny Crockett’s evil twin. Add to that Rip Torn cracking wise, Ironside being Ironside (himself, not Raymond Burr in a wheelchair), William Forsythe, Clancy “The Kurgan himself” Brown and the fact that this is directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs., Southern Comfort)…well, lets just say no one is going to be sitting down for tea in this one! EP plays out like a lost Peckinpah film (only with less slo-mo) and continues the tradition of Hill’s films being present day Westerns, which starts with Nolte. This is not the scraggly, booze soaked Nolte from 48 Hrs. or the goofy eccentric seen a year before in Down and Out in Beverly Hills; this one leaves the over-the-top histrionics behind. Tough & lean, Nolte’s Benteen has been weathered by the Texas sun & haunted by the inability to settle things right. He doesn’t want violence to take place but he doesn’t necessarily have to be talked into a gunfight, either. He’s easily complemented by Boothe, whose sardonic tone adds to every line the man utters (“I got a feeling the next time we run into each other, we gonna have a killin'.”). The supporting work is tops as well & Torn just about steals the flick outright with his snappy dialogue. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to be nearly deflated when he was taken out of the pic way too early (sorry to spoil it but the sidekick/older mentor always gets plugged so it’s not like its something new). Don’t fret however…the film boasts everything that makes an 80s Action classic and then some. The action is expertly shot & photographed to the point that you somehow FEEL sweaty and dusty after watching. If EP has anything going against it, it’s that it may be a bit too ambitious. The subplot with the “dead soldiers” complicates the rest of the framework & you can definitely tell it was John Milus’ contribution to the story. It’s arguable that the story would work just fine if Jack & Cash were left alone but the inclusion of the mercenaries makes it ultimately seem like an excuse to make sure the body count is upped. The end brings that prophecy to fruition (as well as enough plasma for half a dozen blood banks) but even the convoluted plot is not enough to dampen the grade A entertainment that is Extreme Prejudice.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Mickey Jones plays Chub Luke. Jones has been in just about everything but may be best known as the grease monkey that tells Chevy Chase “All of it, boy!” when pressing him for money in Vacation. Jones actually signs all of his autographs with that line.
- Lin Shaye (Kingpin, 2001 Maniacs) is the “Employment Office Clerk”.
Body Count/Violence: 42. The red soaked year of 1987 was aided immensely by Prejudice as the majority of the cast is blasted into bloody heaps by everything from shotguns, pump action Winchesters, Gatling guns and other automatic weaponry. This one may only be behind Robocop for that year’s bloodiest American Action flick. Also included is an explosion, a rat being knifed and…what ever you do, don’t accept a rabbit as a gift any time soon!
Sexuality/Nudity: Alonso fulfills the male checklist early on with a nice full frontal shot of her coming out of a shower. Another woman’s breasts are shown while she’s in bed in one scene.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for the era, with a decent amount of strong profanities involved. Plenty of memorable lines are spoken but nothing stands up to Torn’s immortal “The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester.”
How bad was it?:
Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up and Siskel went as far as calling it the closest to the mold of a classic Western in the 80s. Other critics not in tune with the genre gave it a mixed response, citing either its resemblance to The Wild Bunch or the fact it was just too ghastly & violent. Look at the cast, the director & the fact that the story was partly accredited to Captain NRA himself; if you were expecting Disney then you deserved to be disgusted because you’re dumb.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
TriStar & Carolco Entertainment released Extreme Prejudice on 4/24/87, where it debuted in 2nd place behind the Michael J. Fox vehicle The Secret of My Success with $3.5 million. The spring of ’87 proved to be a slow patch at the box office in general & EP dropped out of sight about a month after its opening, closing out with $11.3 million (no budget was announced). Despite its lackluster B.O., Extreme Prejudice developed a cult following since then & can be found on DVD on the Artisan Entertainment label.
Film: ****/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Ninja Death
The Action Mutant…
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
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