The Action Mutant…
thinks Walter Hill should just go ahead and make a film called “BALLS”.
Extreme Prejudice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
“Funny, ain't it…how it comes around. Right way's the hardest, wrong way's the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers… crooked men.”
- Sheriff Hank Pearson
Seriously, that's fuckin' deep, man. And shit gets blown up, too! Can't get much better than that.
The Plot, as it was:
Nick Nolte stars as Jack Benteen, a towering Texas Ranger who’s seeing his past catch up with him in a bad way. The ranger & his right hand man Sherriff Hank Pearson (Rip Torn!) have gotten into too many violent altercations with “drug mules” that have been sent across the border to transport narcotia for Benteen’s childhood friend Cash Bailey (Powers Boothe). When Benteen left Texas to become cop many years before, Cash ditched his informant gig, slinked off to Mexico & became a drug kingpin/militant warlord. As if it wasn’t hard enough for Jack to decide whether to go at his former pal with guns ablaze, his girl Sarita (Maria Conchita Alonso) is tired of the lawman’s macho bullshit & threatens to go back to her former flame…Cash Bailey! Meanwhile, a group of off-the-grid soldiers (led by Michael Ironside, so you know they’re all balanced) are planning on taking Cash out themselves & ending all of this drug business. Now, this sounds like a Mexican standoff!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
At one point in Extreme Prejudice, Cash Bailey snarls at a female to “show us your tits if you want to be useful”. That pretty much spells out EP to the casual audience, as this is a MAN’S movie. You got Nolte looking like he’s been carved from an oak tree & resembling a modernized Gary Cooper. There’s Boothe, all P&V and mirroring the devil incarnate per Sonny Crockett’s evil twin. Add to that Rip Torn cracking wise, Ironside being Ironside (himself, not Raymond Burr in a wheelchair), William Forsythe, Clancy “The Kurgan himself” Brown and the fact that this is directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs., Southern Comfort)…well, lets just say no one is going to be sitting down for tea in this one! EP plays out like a lost Peckinpah film (only with less slo-mo) and continues the tradition of Hill’s films being present day Westerns, which starts with Nolte. This is not the scraggly, booze soaked Nolte from 48 Hrs. or the goofy eccentric seen a year before in Down and Out in Beverly Hills; this one leaves the over-the-top histrionics behind. Tough & lean, Nolte’s Benteen has been weathered by the Texas sun & haunted by the inability to settle things right. He doesn’t want violence to take place but he doesn’t necessarily have to be talked into a gunfight, either. He’s easily complemented by Boothe, whose sardonic tone adds to every line the man utters (“I got a feeling the next time we run into each other, we gonna have a killin'.”). The supporting work is tops as well & Torn just about steals the flick outright with his snappy dialogue. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to be nearly deflated when he was taken out of the pic way too early (sorry to spoil it but the sidekick/older mentor always gets plugged so it’s not like its something new). Don’t fret however…the film boasts everything that makes an 80s Action classic and then some. The action is expertly shot & photographed to the point that you somehow FEEL sweaty and dusty after watching. If EP has anything going against it, it’s that it may be a bit too ambitious. The subplot with the “dead soldiers” complicates the rest of the framework & you can definitely tell it was John Milus’ contribution to the story. It’s arguable that the story would work just fine if Jack & Cash were left alone but the inclusion of the mercenaries makes it ultimately seem like an excuse to make sure the body count is upped. The end brings that prophecy to fruition (as well as enough plasma for half a dozen blood banks) but even the convoluted plot is not enough to dampen the grade A entertainment that is Extreme Prejudice.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Mickey Jones plays Chub Luke. Jones has been in just about everything but may be best known as the grease monkey that tells Chevy Chase “All of it, boy!” when pressing him for money in Vacation. Jones actually signs all of his autographs with that line.
- Lin Shaye (Kingpin, 2001 Maniacs) is the “Employment Office Clerk”.
Body Count/Violence: 42. The red soaked year of 1987 was aided immensely by Prejudice as the majority of the cast is blasted into bloody heaps by everything from shotguns, pump action Winchesters, Gatling guns and other automatic weaponry. This one may only be behind Robocop for that year’s bloodiest American Action flick. Also included is an explosion, a rat being knifed and…what ever you do, don’t accept a rabbit as a gift any time soon!
Sexuality/Nudity: Alonso fulfills the male checklist early on with a nice full frontal shot of her coming out of a shower. Another woman’s breasts are shown while she’s in bed in one scene.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for the era, with a decent amount of strong profanities involved. Plenty of memorable lines are spoken but nothing stands up to Torn’s immortal “The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester.”
How bad was it?:
Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up and Siskel went as far as calling it the closest to the mold of a classic Western in the 80s. Other critics not in tune with the genre gave it a mixed response, citing either its resemblance to The Wild Bunch or the fact it was just too ghastly & violent. Look at the cast, the director & the fact that the story was partly accredited to Captain NRA himself; if you were expecting Disney then you deserved to be disgusted because you’re dumb.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
TriStar & Carolco Entertainment released Extreme Prejudice on 4/24/87, where it debuted in 2nd place behind the Michael J. Fox vehicle The Secret of My Success with $3.5 million. The spring of ’87 proved to be a slow patch at the box office in general & EP dropped out of sight about a month after its opening, closing out with $11.3 million (no budget was announced). Despite its lackluster B.O., Extreme Prejudice developed a cult following since then & can be found on DVD on the Artisan Entertainment label.
Film: ****/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Ninja Death
The Action Mutant…
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Honor
The Action Mutant…
thinks 12 Rounds isn’t enough.
Honor (2006)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Note: This review is brought to you by Fighting, which is what this film should have been called. Seriously, Terrence Howard will sign his name to…almost anything. Luis Guzman? He will sign his name to anything.
The Plot, as it was:
Jason Barry is Gabriel, a Gulf War vet who comes home to find things totally different & not for the better. His childhood friend Ray (Russell Wong) has just gotten out of the clink & is bent on taking over the old neighborhood with a trusted gang of thugs. As a soldier who’s seen some things and done some stuff, the last thing Gabriel wants to do is get involved in another (albeit different) type of war. Gabriel seems reluctantly content with letting Ray and his gang extort money from local patrons but when they start hassling his adopted father & former police officer LT (Roddy Piper!) and tough cop/budding love interest Kate (Linda Park)…well, the shit is on!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If you turn Honor on about midway through and expect Van Damme or Don “The Dragon” Wilson to walk on the screen, you probably aren’t the only one. Honor is a flick fully entrenched in the “street fighting” sub genre of Action & doesn’t apologize for it. In fact, the only thing that may distinguish it from the majority of other fight films is the inundation of many MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) personalities such as Masakatsu Funaki, Don Frye and two Gracies (the Gracies are like the Wayans family of MMA; as in sheer numbers & not necessarily in talent). As far as anything new in the tried & true formula, that’s pretty much it. Despite all of the MMA talent on display, the fights are filmed with such quick edits & tight focusing that there’s very little visceral impact. It’s understandable that this is most likely done to make the viewer feel like they’re “right in the action” & it’s a novel idea but it just comes off very clumsily. And though one doesn’t watch these flicks for the acting…well, that doesn’t work well here either. If Barry had a moniker for his acting style, it would be “Master of the Clenched Jaw” for as much brooding he does. He basically is called to look sullen, whisper his lines, look morose, occasionally yell his lines, (have the stunt double) do some fighting and look dour. The guy just comes off too clean to be someone that supposedly just came back from war torn hell. In the same respect, it’s hard to buy Wong as a badass gangland demigod. I didn’t laugh at him or anything but his mere presence doesn’t seem to be the type to strike enough fear into people to make them hand over their business earnings. Like two pro wrestlers who try to sell their hatred toward each other for the crowd, you never buy that these two used to run together or anything (and the flashback scenes? No help). The subplot with Kate taking a shine to Gabriel is even worse as it basically boils down to her thinking “I know nothing about the guy…he is hot, though.” Shockingly, the one that gives the best show of everyone here is…Roddy Piper! No, he’s not DeNiro or anything and his character does kind of come off like Uncle Ben Parker at times but his downplay act does offer a few genuine moments. Piper resembles less of a cardboard cutout than the other principles involved, which admittedly make the scenes where he finally gets to kick some ass (but not chew bubblegum) all the more fun. By that time though, you might have already switched over to Spike to watch MMA fighters used in a more appropriate (and much better) setting.
Body Count/Violence: 7. Well, there is a lot of fighting, I’ll give them that. Plenty of kicking and punching with some decent blood splatter on connecting blows. Also peppered in is some shooting, a sick, Seagal-esque arm break, weapon beatdowns, neck breaking, knife play, etc. And fighting.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: Strong but only on occasion. My favorite one off moment in the flick is when Roddy slams a guy up against a wall, leg trips him, flips him off & spits out a “Fuck you!” Don’t ask me why but it put a smile on me face.
How bad was it?:
Being a DtV release (see below), Honor didn’t get many reviews upon its debut or since then. The lone review I found puts it as pretty bad but still kind of praises it as a guilty pleasure. Fan feedback seems to skew between those who enjoy the “street fight” type films of the late 80s & early 90s and those who don’t.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Birch Tree Entertainment & Monterrey Media released Honor worldwide and on U.S. DVD respectively. Made on a $6 million budget, Honor was released in America on 7/29/06 (I’m guessing for a small theater premiere, as I don’t believe it had any legit widespread release). It was released on DVD on 2/27/07 and can be seen on Starz or Encore Action occasionally.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
thinks 12 Rounds isn’t enough.
Honor (2006)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Note: This review is brought to you by Fighting, which is what this film should have been called. Seriously, Terrence Howard will sign his name to…almost anything. Luis Guzman? He will sign his name to anything.
The Plot, as it was:
Jason Barry is Gabriel, a Gulf War vet who comes home to find things totally different & not for the better. His childhood friend Ray (Russell Wong) has just gotten out of the clink & is bent on taking over the old neighborhood with a trusted gang of thugs. As a soldier who’s seen some things and done some stuff, the last thing Gabriel wants to do is get involved in another (albeit different) type of war. Gabriel seems reluctantly content with letting Ray and his gang extort money from local patrons but when they start hassling his adopted father & former police officer LT (Roddy Piper!) and tough cop/budding love interest Kate (Linda Park)…well, the shit is on!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If you turn Honor on about midway through and expect Van Damme or Don “The Dragon” Wilson to walk on the screen, you probably aren’t the only one. Honor is a flick fully entrenched in the “street fighting” sub genre of Action & doesn’t apologize for it. In fact, the only thing that may distinguish it from the majority of other fight films is the inundation of many MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) personalities such as Masakatsu Funaki, Don Frye and two Gracies (the Gracies are like the Wayans family of MMA; as in sheer numbers & not necessarily in talent). As far as anything new in the tried & true formula, that’s pretty much it. Despite all of the MMA talent on display, the fights are filmed with such quick edits & tight focusing that there’s very little visceral impact. It’s understandable that this is most likely done to make the viewer feel like they’re “right in the action” & it’s a novel idea but it just comes off very clumsily. And though one doesn’t watch these flicks for the acting…well, that doesn’t work well here either. If Barry had a moniker for his acting style, it would be “Master of the Clenched Jaw” for as much brooding he does. He basically is called to look sullen, whisper his lines, look morose, occasionally yell his lines, (have the stunt double) do some fighting and look dour. The guy just comes off too clean to be someone that supposedly just came back from war torn hell. In the same respect, it’s hard to buy Wong as a badass gangland demigod. I didn’t laugh at him or anything but his mere presence doesn’t seem to be the type to strike enough fear into people to make them hand over their business earnings. Like two pro wrestlers who try to sell their hatred toward each other for the crowd, you never buy that these two used to run together or anything (and the flashback scenes? No help). The subplot with Kate taking a shine to Gabriel is even worse as it basically boils down to her thinking “I know nothing about the guy…he is hot, though.” Shockingly, the one that gives the best show of everyone here is…Roddy Piper! No, he’s not DeNiro or anything and his character does kind of come off like Uncle Ben Parker at times but his downplay act does offer a few genuine moments. Piper resembles less of a cardboard cutout than the other principles involved, which admittedly make the scenes where he finally gets to kick some ass (but not chew bubblegum) all the more fun. By that time though, you might have already switched over to Spike to watch MMA fighters used in a more appropriate (and much better) setting.
Body Count/Violence: 7. Well, there is a lot of fighting, I’ll give them that. Plenty of kicking and punching with some decent blood splatter on connecting blows. Also peppered in is some shooting, a sick, Seagal-esque arm break, weapon beatdowns, neck breaking, knife play, etc. And fighting.
Sexuality/Nudity: None.
Language/Dialogue: Strong but only on occasion. My favorite one off moment in the flick is when Roddy slams a guy up against a wall, leg trips him, flips him off & spits out a “Fuck you!” Don’t ask me why but it put a smile on me face.
How bad was it?:
Being a DtV release (see below), Honor didn’t get many reviews upon its debut or since then. The lone review I found puts it as pretty bad but still kind of praises it as a guilty pleasure. Fan feedback seems to skew between those who enjoy the “street fight” type films of the late 80s & early 90s and those who don’t.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Birch Tree Entertainment & Monterrey Media released Honor worldwide and on U.S. DVD respectively. Made on a $6 million budget, Honor was released in America on 7/29/06 (I’m guessing for a small theater premiere, as I don’t believe it had any legit widespread release). It was released on DVD on 2/27/07 and can be seen on Starz or Encore Action occasionally.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Monday, April 13, 2009
The Action Mutant presents...The April 2009 TAM Hall of Fame class...Villains Edition!
(Note: I am writing this based on the assumption that the reader has seen the films in question. If you don't want stuff SPOILED,...as in SPOILERS... you best be moving on.)
Bad news: I've been so swamped lately that I haven't gotten to update a new wing of The Action Mutant Hall of Fame. It is just as well though, as my lack of reviews recently has meant there aren't too many names that would qualify for the...ahem, honor. Good news: I have come up with a new wing for the Hall, one that makes so much sense that my head would explode if I only began to know what I was thinking about. See, those currently in the TAM HOF are the heroes. That's a given. And we look forward to their exploits with each new screen venture, even if many of them are just playing the same role with a different name. However, there are roles that are so memorable in scale that when that particular actor is brought up, it is THAT role that is first thought of. These are the roles of the villains. Sure, we "hate" them but things would be a lot less interesting if they weren't in the mix. I mean, would you watch Superman issue parking tickets for two hours? Would it be as memorable for Captain Kirk to, instead of yelling "KHAN!!!", yell...something else (Mandelbaum, perhaps)? Would Rocky IV be as legendary as it is if Ivan Drago came from Finland? Exactly. And with that, the best of The Action Mutant villains...so far...
- Det. Stansfield (as played by Gary Oldman in Léon: The Professional)
There's a litany of psychos to pick from in Gary Oldman's repertoire but none are quite as villainous, slimy & just plain fucked in the head as Stansfield. A renaissance man amongst wackjobs, Stansfield pops pills like Mentos & conducts his investigations by listening to some of the ol' Ludwig Van as his soundtrack. A botched drug deal leads to the crooked cop ordering the slaughter of the family involved & although one of the killings is accidental, you'd have to think Stansfield isn't going to be losing much sleep over it. Mainly because one can't imagine the guy ever sleeping. The viewer can make the argument that all of the pills have made Stansfield the way that he is but considering the man is played by an actor that has made playing the insane his bread & butter, I'd have to guess Stansfield was paddling the slowboat to Crazyland long before the medicine came into play.
- Patrick Bateman (as played by Christian Bale in American Psycho)
Although Bateman isn't your traditional Action movie villain, he possesses many of the archetypal trappings. Quick witted, charming on the surface, vain as all hell and...oh yeah, batshit insane, Bateman makes for a dangerous villain simply because there is no master plan to his madness. In the decade where every one was seemingly addicted to something, Bateman's vice was killing anyone & everyone (with a penchant for Coke and kinky sex along the way). Women were the main victims, though any gender or race would do. Bateman thrived in a time period where the serial killer was en vogue & showed his penchant for using the tools of the day (chainsaw, axe, nail gun, etc.) at every turn. However, the ultimate villain in this tale may have just been the very decade that Bateman was made of, as everyone was so self absorbed that no one apparently cared or noticed that Bateman was taking out a small chunk of NYC on his off nights. Guess they just figured Bronson would take care of it, like in 10 to Midnight (a film that Bateman might have taken some notes from at one time).
- Emil Fouchon (as played by Lance Henriksen in Hard Target)
When he's not starring in whatever dog feces Sci-Fi flings toward its schedule on Saturday nights (Heh, he said TURD!), the great Henriksen makes his living portraying highly articulate, heavily bent maniacs. And who else could take up the ultimate in fanatical self-employment...providing others the chance to kill other humans for sport! When he's not playing the piano & eerily staring off into space, Emil is like a modern day Harry Lime in profiting off of the fruits of wars (both past & present). Only in this "black market", Emil is providing violence & mayhem (which he sometimes partakes in himself, particularly when one of his clients balks at the opportunity he paid for). The only qualm against the man may be that he could have been a little more selective in pooling his killers together, as apparently an infinite amount of artillery was no match for a high kicking, Belgian/Cajun (cue Rome...allegedly) longshoreman with a monster mullet. Shame for him it didn't come down to a staring contest. (Note: How can I not include Henriksen here? He volunteered to be set on fucking fire!)
- Toecutter (as played by Hugh Keays-Byrne in Mad Max)
There has always been room for evil biker ganglords in Action cinema but very rarely are they as enigmatic as Toecutter. Leading a gaggle of soulless mucketymucks about the Australian desert, Toecutter decides to interject himself in policeman Max's life after the law takes one of his own. Pure magic lies in Toecutter's wild-eyed speeches urging his minions on...or crack. Carrying himself like a strung out Genghis Khan, Toecutter's ruthless nature peaks in the running down of Max's wife & infant son. I'm sure no one told Toecutter that Mel...err, Max can get very irritable & pissed off at little things like that. As for the pic of pro wrestler Raven...c-mon, I've been saying it all along that they're like twins. I can't help it that when I see Toecutter, I see Scott Levy with a hangover & 5 o' clock shadow.
- The Kurgan (as played by Clancy Brown in Highlander)
Seriously, if you were chased though time by someone wanting to cut your head off in an attempt to win a centuries long contest to be the "one", would you want it being this guy? A towering monster soldiering through time itself, Kurgan chases Connor Macleod to modern day New York City (circa 1985), where a giant in a trench coat & wielding a heavy sword would hardly get noticed. Despite not getting the job done at the end, Kurgan (and Brown in turn, who rocks here) would go on to legend not only as a villain but an icon for DIY punkers everywhere who have to respect someone that can fasten their head back onto their neck using nothing more than a few paper clips.
- Mary Ann (as played by Gene Hackman in Prime Cut)
Long before The Hackman retired from acting & became a Lowes pitchman, Gene was an unscrupulous meat mogul with a fruity name. I'm sure there must have been many people who felt that one couldn't run a successful prostitution ring in the Midwest but Mary Ann achieved that American dream! He may have had to run a few mobsters through the abattoir or keep his women drugged up so they couldn't advance off of the premises but we aren't here to award goodwill points. Like any corrupt politician, Mary Ann manages to hold on to the peoples' collective ear as well as rule with an iron fist. How else do you explain the slew of cornhuskers that become rural hitmen ready to blast away city boy Nick Devlin when he rolls into town? Kind of makes you shudder of the thought of Bill O' Reilly as a crime boss, huh?
and, of course...the main reason I thought of the column in the first place...
- Clarence Boddicker (as played by Kurtwood Smith in Robocop)
When one thinks of a super-villain, they think of a Bond villain or one of those slimy dictators from a Chuck Norris/Missing in Action movie. While Clarence Boddicker isn't going to siphon gold from Fort Knox or torture P.O.Ws with rats, he certainly comes off as one of the vilest, sickest villains ever put on cinema. We first see Boddicker sacrificing one of his gang members in an attempt to distance themselves from cops on the chase. When the gang corners Ofc. Murphy in their headquarters, they administer one of the most brutal slayings ever & Boddicker makes sure to get his taunts in (as well as the final shot). As much as Patrick Bateman exemplified the 80s & all of its tawdry glory, Boddicker is the quintessential 80s Action villain. All the guy is concerned about is himself; when his coke is out on the streets & when his bitches leave. He's never going to be able to overpower his opponent so he will attempt to weasel out of any predicament but not before trying to eliminate his foe with high grade firepower. Though he isn't exploded like many of his counterparts during their demises, Clarence goes out in a flourish that harkens back to classic Shakespeare. And if you can make anyone think of Shakespeare during this classic era of Action cinema, then you are truly a Hall of Fame VILLAIN!
TAM
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