The Action Mutant…
introduces his newest villain, Crackhouse Dave!
Pray for Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
With Halloween just around the corner, I have to wonder…when will it be en vogue to be a Ninja again on this holiday? I’m sure there were plenty of them in Sho Kosugi’s heyday but today it’s most likely all about the zombie. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m all for zombies on Halloween or Wednesday. It at least beats the shit out of…brrr, Jersey Shore costumes (or what some douchebags call “everyday wear”). All I can say is if you’re gonna be a ninja this Halloween, be Sho Kosugi. There’s few better to choose from.
The Plot, as it was:
Kosugi stars as Akira, a Japanese immigrant setting up a restaurant business with his family in America. However, he and the elderly gentleman (Parley Baer) do not realize that a valuable necklace that was hidden there has been stolen off the premises by crooked cops. While in cahoots with the cops, the befuddled mob doesn’t realize they have been taken by their partners and decide to target Akira and his family. Strong-armed by Limehouse Willie (James Booth) and his associates, Akira’s family is bullied until his wife Aiko (Donna K. Benz) is dead and son Takeshi (Kane Kosugi) is hospitalized. Another thing the mob doesn’t realize? They have awoken Akira’s inner NINJA!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Kosugi starred in many ninja epics in the mid to late 80s and Pray for Death is one of his better made efforts. Like many Action heroes (especially of foreign descent), Kosugi delivery is wooden to say it kindly but the man has the screen presence to spare. When asked to deliver drama, Sho steps up and hits it solid; giving an extra dimension to what could be totally routine. Part of this has to do with Booth’s script, which paints Akira as a man haunted by his past and pushed until he can’t stands no more. Booth writes himself a plum counterpart to Akira in Limehouse Willie (who is NOT a hungry boxcar fighter battling for a sandwich…what was he on when he came up with that name?), who may just be one of the more reprehensible sonofabitches in 80 Action history. Willie does everything short of tying kids & old ladies down to railroad tracks whilst twirling a handlebar moustache (come to think of it, both would be hard to do at the same time). When the finale (which takes place in an abandoned mannequin factory like some plastic Cannibal Holocaust) kicks in, the viewer is just begging for ol’ Willie to be taken out…the mark of a truly great cinematic villain. The finale does bring about one of several implausabilities that might make some eyes roll (how can Akira take out five people at a time but have trouble with a near sixty year old man, no matter how good of shape he is?) Or Akira’s detective skills where he can determine who stole the necklace merely by a thread from the cop’s suit! Or how can the younger Kosugi kid take out every adult baddie within arm’s reach? To keep going would really defeat the purpose, though. This is just great, guilty pleasure fun of the time period from the action sequences to Peggy Abernathy’s “Back to the Shadows’” being belted out during the credits in a Benatar-ish wail (great for parties and ninja training montages…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCzQltBlYGA).
Body Count/Violence: 47. To be fair, 16 of these take place during a TV show scene that the kids are watching. However, there is a fair bit of bloody goings-on throughout the rest of the flick. Plenty of ninja stars, knife slashing & cutting, swordplay, saw blade action (both chain and buzz), car rundowns, explosions, shooting, etc.
Sexuality/Nudity: Though it was cut by distributors, it’s still subtly obvious that Willie violates Aiko before her ultimate demise. He tapes her mouth shut, smacks her about, then the next shot cuts to Willie washing blood from his face afterwards. It’s actually more disturbing this way.
Language/Dialogue: Some strong F-Word usage and other obscenities, namely what you would expect from someone nicknamed “Limehouse”.
How bad was it?:
Those that appreciate the ninja inside them appreciated this film, citing its positives more than its negatives (Booth’s performance being one of those main pluses).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Shot for a relatively low $4 million in the winter of 1984, Trans World Entertainment released Pray for Death in November 1985. No grosses were made known but due to its minimal budget, it probably made noticeable bank.
Film: **1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Hunt to Kill
The Action Mutant…
says he can get more generic with the titles if you would like.
Hunt to Kill
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Ah, the Direct-to-Video market. Where former pro wrestlers go to resurrect their careers like a phoenix rising from the Redbox. Hulk Hogan did it. Roddy Piper did it. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson skipped that and just went right into feature films. One more name to add to the list of the former two is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. After getting out of the pro wrestling game, Austin starred in the much maligned The Condemned. Of course, action films are pretty much exempt from much critical shelling and Austin went on to star in a series of solid, if unspectacular actioners. Aside from his role in The Expendables, all of these have been of the aforementioned DtV variety. Now, in your best Vince McMahon voice, get ready to read the review of the movie that is...HUNT TO KILL!
The Plot, as it was:
Austin plays Jim Rhodes (if you we-all), a former Border Patrol agent living in Montana after the death of his partner (ERIC ROBERTS!). Rhodes is a man of the land and the only things he has to deal with are the occasional bad weather and his rebellious daughter Kim (Marie Avergopoulos) shoplifting. He goes to spring the kid from the Sheriff's office only to run into a band of thieves led by the twisted Banks (Gil Bellows). They are in search of a rogue member (Michael Hogan) of their squad that strayed off with their money from a previous heist. Of course, they need someone that knows the land and...well, you all know where this is going. He and his daughter are held against their will in trying to track down the money but once things get hairier, the real question being posed is "Who is being hunted here?" Hunted...TO KILL! Ok, it's old now.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If I had to put a comparison to it, Hunt to Kill is mostly akin to the average student in the classroom. They don't do anything relatively great but they won't disappoint either. They are pretty much adequate at what they do and so is this flick. Nothing from Kill is out to reset the wheel and therefore, it passes as a standard time killer. As expected, Austin works well as the vengeful, sullen hero who can be brash when needed to be. The guy has presence to spare and that carries him through to the next scene. The rest of the cast comprise the usual archetypes for the genre as far as a villain superteam is concerned (psycho boss, slutty arm candy, dashing Euro braggart, nerdy tech guy, etc.). Bellows stands out but not in a particularly great way. See, director Keoni Waxman helmed a mildly underrated action film called Countdown in 1996. The heavy in that film was played by Jason London (Dazed and Confused, The Rage: Carrie 2) and lets just say there was enough ham in that performance for a weeks worth of family dinners. Bellows pulls the same act here and when the script calls for him to act crazy, it doesn't quite come off as convincing, either. It's a slight distraction from what is a basic, by the numbers tome with a few decent fight scenes (the one with Austin & action stalwart Gary Daniels being the showcase), a last third that picks up steam and a bravura finale, if anything.
Body Count/Violence: 15. Although Austin doesn't hand out any "Stone Cold Stunners" (still waiting...), he hands out the brutality in marginal doses. Some gory CGI shooting, explosions, broken limbs, ATV mayhem, arrow shots, wooden branch impaling and general ass whoopery abound.
Sexuality/Nudity: None. Though I'm sure Under Armour got a good cut from this flick since Austin wears an UA shirt for the majority of his screen time.
Language/Dialogue: Pretty strong, with a good amount of F-word droppage and other obscenities.
How bad was it?:
The majority of critics place it on the "we've seen it before" shelf but some less discerning scribes liked it for what it was. Not surprisingly, a lot of them pretty much poo poo on Bellows' performance.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in the fall of 2009 in Canada, no grosses are available for this DtV release (available as of 11/9/10) by Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
says he can get more generic with the titles if you would like.
Hunt to Kill
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
Ah, the Direct-to-Video market. Where former pro wrestlers go to resurrect their careers like a phoenix rising from the Redbox. Hulk Hogan did it. Roddy Piper did it. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson skipped that and just went right into feature films. One more name to add to the list of the former two is "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. After getting out of the pro wrestling game, Austin starred in the much maligned The Condemned. Of course, action films are pretty much exempt from much critical shelling and Austin went on to star in a series of solid, if unspectacular actioners. Aside from his role in The Expendables, all of these have been of the aforementioned DtV variety. Now, in your best Vince McMahon voice, get ready to read the review of the movie that is...HUNT TO KILL!
The Plot, as it was:
Austin plays Jim Rhodes (if you we-all), a former Border Patrol agent living in Montana after the death of his partner (ERIC ROBERTS!). Rhodes is a man of the land and the only things he has to deal with are the occasional bad weather and his rebellious daughter Kim (Marie Avergopoulos) shoplifting. He goes to spring the kid from the Sheriff's office only to run into a band of thieves led by the twisted Banks (Gil Bellows). They are in search of a rogue member (Michael Hogan) of their squad that strayed off with their money from a previous heist. Of course, they need someone that knows the land and...well, you all know where this is going. He and his daughter are held against their will in trying to track down the money but once things get hairier, the real question being posed is "Who is being hunted here?" Hunted...TO KILL! Ok, it's old now.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
If I had to put a comparison to it, Hunt to Kill is mostly akin to the average student in the classroom. They don't do anything relatively great but they won't disappoint either. They are pretty much adequate at what they do and so is this flick. Nothing from Kill is out to reset the wheel and therefore, it passes as a standard time killer. As expected, Austin works well as the vengeful, sullen hero who can be brash when needed to be. The guy has presence to spare and that carries him through to the next scene. The rest of the cast comprise the usual archetypes for the genre as far as a villain superteam is concerned (psycho boss, slutty arm candy, dashing Euro braggart, nerdy tech guy, etc.). Bellows stands out but not in a particularly great way. See, director Keoni Waxman helmed a mildly underrated action film called Countdown in 1996. The heavy in that film was played by Jason London (Dazed and Confused, The Rage: Carrie 2) and lets just say there was enough ham in that performance for a weeks worth of family dinners. Bellows pulls the same act here and when the script calls for him to act crazy, it doesn't quite come off as convincing, either. It's a slight distraction from what is a basic, by the numbers tome with a few decent fight scenes (the one with Austin & action stalwart Gary Daniels being the showcase), a last third that picks up steam and a bravura finale, if anything.
Body Count/Violence: 15. Although Austin doesn't hand out any "Stone Cold Stunners" (still waiting...), he hands out the brutality in marginal doses. Some gory CGI shooting, explosions, broken limbs, ATV mayhem, arrow shots, wooden branch impaling and general ass whoopery abound.
Sexuality/Nudity: None. Though I'm sure Under Armour got a good cut from this flick since Austin wears an UA shirt for the majority of his screen time.
Language/Dialogue: Pretty strong, with a good amount of F-word droppage and other obscenities.
How bad was it?:
The majority of critics place it on the "we've seen it before" shelf but some less discerning scribes liked it for what it was. Not surprisingly, a lot of them pretty much poo poo on Bellows' performance.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Filmed in the fall of 2009 in Canada, no grosses are available for this DtV release (available as of 11/9/10) by Anchor Bay Entertainment.
Film: **/*****
Entertainment value: ***/*****
Copyright 2011 The Action Mutant.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Hard Target - Director's Cut
The Action Mutant…
says neckties are dangerous for a reason!
Hard Target (Director’s Cut)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
So, you know something good had to bring me back out of hiding and it has, courtesy of a submission on a certain viral video site. It’s like hitting free porn on your computer, except people close to you will just think you’re a sociopath instead of a freaky, sex pervert (it’s ok…they probably think the latter about you already). Oh, and what has happened since last I wrote? Well…not much. I started watching Glee recently, which leaves me about as shocked as you are. Dennis Hopper died, which was a stone cold bummer. I remember in my silly, formative years thinking that Hopper’s villain in Speed was the greatest thing I ever seen…and then I saw Blue Velvet! Baby didn’t sleep that night. I learned that a tie is more dangerous than a sledgehammer, pro wrestling refs and soccer refs go to the same school and two oil CEOs may be able to screw in a light bulb but they can’t stop a fucking oil leak! And yes, I realize this part of the review will be very timely in five years or so. Then again, so will this whole Jersey/reality TV craze (one can only hope).
The Plot, as it was:
Check the archives for January 2009. It’s the first review. Dammit, do I have to do everything around here?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Reading of Hard Target’s development makes for a story of turmoil and missed opportunity. After its underwhelming debut in 1993, the legend of Woo’s fabled 116 minute “director’s cut” started making the rounds with bootleg video hounds & collectors all over. The promise of seeing the film as Woo intended it (a 128 minute cut is rumored to exist but Woo prefers this one) gave fans hope, as they figured on seeing either a new bevy of violence or an amazingly better film than what they saw in theaters. Needless to say, both assumptions were half right. Woo’s Target is markedly better than the theater cut but that doesn’t push it into classic territory with A Better Tomorrow or The Killer nor is it as insanely violent as Hard Boiled. The perception of Van Damme being the “infallible hero” still holds true, which pretty much means fans were getting a JCVD flick no matter how long it was (though there are less close ups in this version). Yancy Butler’s corpse-like delivery is still intact, as well as Diabeetus’ goofy Uncle Douvee (complete with greeting dance for Chance in this version). And to clarify, this is also a “work print”, meaning there is no polished open/closing credits, Graeme Revell music (the fill-in music is from other films, reminding me of the glory days of Cannon) and time display in the left hand corner. However, it’s easy to tell that despite the lack of post-production shine, the man was definitely trying to craft something above the norm. There are several small touches that didn’t make it into the final print, such as Chance & Van Cleef using their tracking skills to their fullest and flashbacks seen in different points of the movie than they were in the theatrical cut. Oddly enough, the finale arguably works better in the theatrical cut with Fouchon putting up more of a fight there. The version here has Fouchon talking more trash (and JCVD’s close ups replaced with shots of the bombed out parade floats) but lacks the most humorous touch in his bravura demise (that touch most likely being a Sam Raimi touch added in after the fact)! In all, this is the better edition of the two versions and should be required viewing for Woo fans. (Note: I know I missed stuff…read below)
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!: Same as before.
Body Count/Violence: 44. C-mon, fella, admit it…this is what you wanted to read. You knew mucho violent content was excised from this flick and you wanted to find out about the juicy bits. Let’s go chronologically with this (SPOLIERS!!!):
- The opening hunt of Binder (Chuck Pfarrer) has the prey putting up more of a fight, with Binder actually taking out a henchman in a kill that mirrors one of Chance’s better ones. Binder pulls the arrow out of his shoulder in slow motion and is later shot in the leg by one (explaining that arrow that magically appeared sticking out of his leg as he fell through the bridge in the theatrical cut).
- The Reservoir Dogs homage where Poe’s (Elliot Keener) ear is cut by scissors is intact, with blood flowing freely as the ear is visibly severed. Fouchon punches Poe square in the face, sending blood flying out of his fat jowls.
- The most potent scene of the DC is arguably when Fouchon is playing the piano & shots of big game being hunted down are intercut with it. This was cut out of the theatrical cut, either because it was felt to be too disturbing or may have made viewers think too much. Can’t have either, daddy.
- The cemetery shootout has Elijah (Willie Carpenter) emptying a few more rounds into Zenan (Joe Warfield). Elijah’s death is more prolonged as he gets up after being shot 20 or so times and takes at least 20 more.
- The sequence set off by Poe’s death starts with Det. Mitchell (Kasi Lemmons) taking bloodier bullet hits. Chance takes out an extra biker by gunfire and sets out to be chased. In one of the more perplexing cuts, a black Sedan is shot up by Chance, sent flying into a parked car and explodes. In the theatrical cut, the Sedan is obviously apart of the chase at the beginning but disappears when the chase hits the highway. Chance lets off a few extra shots before crashing the motorcycle into the 4x4 truck.
- The hunters spend more time carefully closing in on Douvee’s shack. Two nameless bikers are set on fire in slow motion before being put out of their misery by Fouchon.
- The warehouse shootout has much more going on this time around. SVEN-OLE gets an extra 15-20 shots before getting the spin-kicking of a lifetime (remember, 528 bullets to the torso won’t work but topped off with a well placed JCVD kick? Money!). Two bikers get extra bullets and a new biker gets gunned down. The hunter in the cowboy hat takes extra bloody hits and Lopacki (Robert Apisa) is not only shot extra by Chance but takes an arrow in the arm from Douvee! Douvee’s one kill by arrow is punctuated by showing that the arrow actually went through the guy’s throat (with the shot of the biker falling to the ground with the arrow piercing through his neck not in the TC). Chance takes out three bikers by bloody gunfire, then unloads more extra rounds into Van Cleef.
- The final shootout between Chance & Fouchon is notably different here. Douvee takes an extra bloody shot to the leg (explaining his limp after being stabbed with the arrow). After the two talk trash to each other, Chance kicks Fouchon down but the next shot is of Fouchon taking Nat hostage (excising the brawling part in between added in afterwards). After Chance kicks Fouchon clear into next week, he avoids saying his big closing TC line (“Hunting season…is over!”), drops the grenade on Fouchon’s lap and he goes ka-boom. The end. Fire up that Creedence, Dude!
Sexuality/Nudity: Did you know there’s a love scene in here between Chance & Nat? No foolin’. It was apparently done away with because it didn’t show enough T&A. Yes because Van Damme’s ass wasn’t showcased enough in his previous starring vehicles. It’s so obvious THAT’S what this film was missing!
Language/Dialogue: Same as before.
How bad was it?:
Critics maintain that while most of the DC is better, it’s not perfect by any means. Still, we would have rather watched this. Thanks, Universal!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Obviously not. And yet Waterworld was green lighted over this shit.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2010 The Action Mutant.
says neckties are dangerous for a reason!
Hard Target (Director’s Cut)
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
So, you know something good had to bring me back out of hiding and it has, courtesy of a submission on a certain viral video site. It’s like hitting free porn on your computer, except people close to you will just think you’re a sociopath instead of a freaky, sex pervert (it’s ok…they probably think the latter about you already). Oh, and what has happened since last I wrote? Well…not much. I started watching Glee recently, which leaves me about as shocked as you are. Dennis Hopper died, which was a stone cold bummer. I remember in my silly, formative years thinking that Hopper’s villain in Speed was the greatest thing I ever seen…and then I saw Blue Velvet! Baby didn’t sleep that night. I learned that a tie is more dangerous than a sledgehammer, pro wrestling refs and soccer refs go to the same school and two oil CEOs may be able to screw in a light bulb but they can’t stop a fucking oil leak! And yes, I realize this part of the review will be very timely in five years or so. Then again, so will this whole Jersey/reality TV craze (one can only hope).
The Plot, as it was:
Check the archives for January 2009. It’s the first review. Dammit, do I have to do everything around here?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Reading of Hard Target’s development makes for a story of turmoil and missed opportunity. After its underwhelming debut in 1993, the legend of Woo’s fabled 116 minute “director’s cut” started making the rounds with bootleg video hounds & collectors all over. The promise of seeing the film as Woo intended it (a 128 minute cut is rumored to exist but Woo prefers this one) gave fans hope, as they figured on seeing either a new bevy of violence or an amazingly better film than what they saw in theaters. Needless to say, both assumptions were half right. Woo’s Target is markedly better than the theater cut but that doesn’t push it into classic territory with A Better Tomorrow or The Killer nor is it as insanely violent as Hard Boiled. The perception of Van Damme being the “infallible hero” still holds true, which pretty much means fans were getting a JCVD flick no matter how long it was (though there are less close ups in this version). Yancy Butler’s corpse-like delivery is still intact, as well as Diabeetus’ goofy Uncle Douvee (complete with greeting dance for Chance in this version). And to clarify, this is also a “work print”, meaning there is no polished open/closing credits, Graeme Revell music (the fill-in music is from other films, reminding me of the glory days of Cannon) and time display in the left hand corner. However, it’s easy to tell that despite the lack of post-production shine, the man was definitely trying to craft something above the norm. There are several small touches that didn’t make it into the final print, such as Chance & Van Cleef using their tracking skills to their fullest and flashbacks seen in different points of the movie than they were in the theatrical cut. Oddly enough, the finale arguably works better in the theatrical cut with Fouchon putting up more of a fight there. The version here has Fouchon talking more trash (and JCVD’s close ups replaced with shots of the bombed out parade floats) but lacks the most humorous touch in his bravura demise (that touch most likely being a Sam Raimi touch added in after the fact)! In all, this is the better edition of the two versions and should be required viewing for Woo fans. (Note: I know I missed stuff…read below)
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!: Same as before.
Body Count/Violence: 44. C-mon, fella, admit it…this is what you wanted to read. You knew mucho violent content was excised from this flick and you wanted to find out about the juicy bits. Let’s go chronologically with this (SPOLIERS!!!):
- The opening hunt of Binder (Chuck Pfarrer) has the prey putting up more of a fight, with Binder actually taking out a henchman in a kill that mirrors one of Chance’s better ones. Binder pulls the arrow out of his shoulder in slow motion and is later shot in the leg by one (explaining that arrow that magically appeared sticking out of his leg as he fell through the bridge in the theatrical cut).
- The Reservoir Dogs homage where Poe’s (Elliot Keener) ear is cut by scissors is intact, with blood flowing freely as the ear is visibly severed. Fouchon punches Poe square in the face, sending blood flying out of his fat jowls.
- The most potent scene of the DC is arguably when Fouchon is playing the piano & shots of big game being hunted down are intercut with it. This was cut out of the theatrical cut, either because it was felt to be too disturbing or may have made viewers think too much. Can’t have either, daddy.
- The cemetery shootout has Elijah (Willie Carpenter) emptying a few more rounds into Zenan (Joe Warfield). Elijah’s death is more prolonged as he gets up after being shot 20 or so times and takes at least 20 more.
- The sequence set off by Poe’s death starts with Det. Mitchell (Kasi Lemmons) taking bloodier bullet hits. Chance takes out an extra biker by gunfire and sets out to be chased. In one of the more perplexing cuts, a black Sedan is shot up by Chance, sent flying into a parked car and explodes. In the theatrical cut, the Sedan is obviously apart of the chase at the beginning but disappears when the chase hits the highway. Chance lets off a few extra shots before crashing the motorcycle into the 4x4 truck.
- The hunters spend more time carefully closing in on Douvee’s shack. Two nameless bikers are set on fire in slow motion before being put out of their misery by Fouchon.
- The warehouse shootout has much more going on this time around. SVEN-OLE gets an extra 15-20 shots before getting the spin-kicking of a lifetime (remember, 528 bullets to the torso won’t work but topped off with a well placed JCVD kick? Money!). Two bikers get extra bullets and a new biker gets gunned down. The hunter in the cowboy hat takes extra bloody hits and Lopacki (Robert Apisa) is not only shot extra by Chance but takes an arrow in the arm from Douvee! Douvee’s one kill by arrow is punctuated by showing that the arrow actually went through the guy’s throat (with the shot of the biker falling to the ground with the arrow piercing through his neck not in the TC). Chance takes out three bikers by bloody gunfire, then unloads more extra rounds into Van Cleef.
- The final shootout between Chance & Fouchon is notably different here. Douvee takes an extra bloody shot to the leg (explaining his limp after being stabbed with the arrow). After the two talk trash to each other, Chance kicks Fouchon down but the next shot is of Fouchon taking Nat hostage (excising the brawling part in between added in afterwards). After Chance kicks Fouchon clear into next week, he avoids saying his big closing TC line (“Hunting season…is over!”), drops the grenade on Fouchon’s lap and he goes ka-boom. The end. Fire up that Creedence, Dude!
Sexuality/Nudity: Did you know there’s a love scene in here between Chance & Nat? No foolin’. It was apparently done away with because it didn’t show enough T&A. Yes because Van Damme’s ass wasn’t showcased enough in his previous starring vehicles. It’s so obvious THAT’S what this film was missing!
Language/Dialogue: Same as before.
How bad was it?:
Critics maintain that while most of the DC is better, it’s not perfect by any means. Still, we would have rather watched this. Thanks, Universal!
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Obviously not. And yet Waterworld was green lighted over this shit.
Film: ***/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2010 The Action Mutant.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Catch the Heat
The Action Mutant…
didn’t know Nixon’s dog was Jewish!
Catch the Heat
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
In reading up on Tiana Alexandra, one could make the argument that we all missed out on a great Action star (or at least another famous one). Born Thi Thanh Nga in Vietnam in 1961, Tiana moved to America when she was 15 but not before she was personally trained by Bruce Lee himself. She became involved with screenwriter Stirling Silliphant (who was 43 years her senior…yes…a nice, odd number) & was integral in many of his future projects, most notably the TV miniseries Pearl. Unfortunately for her, Catch the Heat was the peak of her career as she decided to go back to Vietnam & chronicle her (and her country’s) past in what would eventually become her 1993 documentary From Hollywood to Hanoi. She would never go back to acting and while it’s arguable if her success would have been any more prevalent, it is kind of a shame that we’ll never know. Then again, she may have never been big. Maybe it would have had something to do with her character in this film being named…
The Plot, as it was:
CHECKERS GOLDBERG (That deserves an internet acronym…here it goes…WTF?)!!! Anyway, ahem….Checkers is a hot Asian cop that revels in taking down rapists & cracking wise at her lovelorn partner Waldo Tarr (David Dukes). It is soon brought to the duo’s attention that talent magnate Jason Hannibal (Rod Steiger) is smuggling drugs out of Argentina through mysterious means, which warrants an undercover job to crack the ring. Seeing as Waldo doesn’t look good in a dress, Checkers becomes “Cinderella Pu” (Character names on Acid 101) and travels to Argentina to get in Hannibal’s good graces & to uncover the dark secret behind his operation. I would say she gets into some “deep Pu” but can I really come up with a better joke after hearing that name?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Despite the goofy ass names, Tiana’s astounding hotness and the eventual revelation of the secret behind the smuggling ring (which fits right in with the exploitive vibe of 80s B movie actioners), Catch the Heat doesn’t prove to be a wholly memorable tale at all. You think it would be with all I mentioned above but those are sadly the most notable elements. Though Tiana looks great in all of her various costume changes, her dialogue from the Silliphant penned script sabotages her chances at making many impressions. It doesn’t help that she has to speak stereotypic broken English in her Cinderella Pu persona for a majority of the pic (or “pigeon English” as an IMDB poster referred to it as; the kind of English Truman Capote’s character in Murder By Death would be repelled by) though it does add to the camp value quite a bit (as well as the “politically incorrect” quotient). The fact that the “pigeon English” seems to fool everyone Cinderella comes in contact with makes the gag become more annoying as it continues. Dukes puts a lot of bluster behind his lines & seems to relish his role for what it is. Surprisingly, it’s Steiger (who usually didn’t have to wait for the proverbial hat to drop to overact his ass off) that comes off nearly sedate in the heavy role. It’s almost as if he figured “Hey, I’ve never been to Argentina…sounds like a good vacation…and I get a payday out of it, too!” I doubt if Steiger going MD (20/20) on everyone would have elevated the film but it couldn’t have hurt. Though CtH is never boring, it is something you have seen before & the novelty of having a lady kung fu lead isn’t presented with enough “wow” factor to have one remember the film a few hours after they saw it.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Professor Toru Tanaka (The Running Man, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning) plays Hannibal’s guard Dozu. He was also “Sumo Wrestler #1” in an episode of the ABC drama Life Goes On, which really makes me curious as to what THAT episode was about (when it comes to Corky, the possibilities are endless).
Body Count/Violence: 35. Nothing unusual aside from some moderate (yet bloodless) gunplay & fighting near the end. There’s also a car chase (featuring a nifty motorcycle jump onto a flatbed truck), explosions, strangling, neck breaking & head puncturing. The best death occurs when Checkers (…seriously?) maneuvers a knife betwixt her toes during a grounded struggle & kicks it into a guy’s back. I don’t care what your name is at that point…that’s pretty cool.
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiana’s overall yumminess is first on display when she emerges from the San Francisco bay in a wet t-shirt. Strangely, I can’t remember any dialogue during that scene…Anyhow, Tiana also graces the screen in a topless shower scene & and in several cute, Asian gowns that bring the Japanese submissive fetishist out in all of us (guys, that is). There are also some shots of scantly clad models backstage at a show.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other mild obscenities to go around. However, none of those beats Waldo’s epic threat of “Give me a name or I’ll give you a vagina!” while interrogating a male suspect & holding a gun to his crotch.
How bad was it?:
The few reviews on Catch the Heat don’t outright bury it but do reiterate the fact that it was nothing more than a routine Action flick in a decade that churned many of them out (and yet, are still like crack to many of us still young at heart).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Catch the Heat actually made its premiere at Cannes on 5/13/87 & was released in America in October of that year by Trans World Entertainment. No box office/budget figures are known and since few ever heard of Tiana Alexandra after this, I can safely say it wasn’t a monetary success. Maybe if her name wasn’t fucking CHECKERS!!! If you're curious, you can find the film on the MGM DVD label on Amazon.com for as low as $2.76.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
didn’t know Nixon’s dog was Jewish!
Catch the Heat
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
In reading up on Tiana Alexandra, one could make the argument that we all missed out on a great Action star (or at least another famous one). Born Thi Thanh Nga in Vietnam in 1961, Tiana moved to America when she was 15 but not before she was personally trained by Bruce Lee himself. She became involved with screenwriter Stirling Silliphant (who was 43 years her senior…yes…a nice, odd number) & was integral in many of his future projects, most notably the TV miniseries Pearl. Unfortunately for her, Catch the Heat was the peak of her career as she decided to go back to Vietnam & chronicle her (and her country’s) past in what would eventually become her 1993 documentary From Hollywood to Hanoi. She would never go back to acting and while it’s arguable if her success would have been any more prevalent, it is kind of a shame that we’ll never know. Then again, she may have never been big. Maybe it would have had something to do with her character in this film being named…
The Plot, as it was:
CHECKERS GOLDBERG (That deserves an internet acronym…here it goes…WTF?)!!! Anyway, ahem….Checkers is a hot Asian cop that revels in taking down rapists & cracking wise at her lovelorn partner Waldo Tarr (David Dukes). It is soon brought to the duo’s attention that talent magnate Jason Hannibal (Rod Steiger) is smuggling drugs out of Argentina through mysterious means, which warrants an undercover job to crack the ring. Seeing as Waldo doesn’t look good in a dress, Checkers becomes “Cinderella Pu” (Character names on Acid 101) and travels to Argentina to get in Hannibal’s good graces & to uncover the dark secret behind his operation. I would say she gets into some “deep Pu” but can I really come up with a better joke after hearing that name?
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Despite the goofy ass names, Tiana’s astounding hotness and the eventual revelation of the secret behind the smuggling ring (which fits right in with the exploitive vibe of 80s B movie actioners), Catch the Heat doesn’t prove to be a wholly memorable tale at all. You think it would be with all I mentioned above but those are sadly the most notable elements. Though Tiana looks great in all of her various costume changes, her dialogue from the Silliphant penned script sabotages her chances at making many impressions. It doesn’t help that she has to speak stereotypic broken English in her Cinderella Pu persona for a majority of the pic (or “pigeon English” as an IMDB poster referred to it as; the kind of English Truman Capote’s character in Murder By Death would be repelled by) though it does add to the camp value quite a bit (as well as the “politically incorrect” quotient). The fact that the “pigeon English” seems to fool everyone Cinderella comes in contact with makes the gag become more annoying as it continues. Dukes puts a lot of bluster behind his lines & seems to relish his role for what it is. Surprisingly, it’s Steiger (who usually didn’t have to wait for the proverbial hat to drop to overact his ass off) that comes off nearly sedate in the heavy role. It’s almost as if he figured “Hey, I’ve never been to Argentina…sounds like a good vacation…and I get a payday out of it, too!” I doubt if Steiger going MD (20/20) on everyone would have elevated the film but it couldn’t have hurt. Though CtH is never boring, it is something you have seen before & the novelty of having a lady kung fu lead isn’t presented with enough “wow” factor to have one remember the film a few hours after they saw it.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Professor Toru Tanaka (The Running Man, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning) plays Hannibal’s guard Dozu. He was also “Sumo Wrestler #1” in an episode of the ABC drama Life Goes On, which really makes me curious as to what THAT episode was about (when it comes to Corky, the possibilities are endless).
Body Count/Violence: 35. Nothing unusual aside from some moderate (yet bloodless) gunplay & fighting near the end. There’s also a car chase (featuring a nifty motorcycle jump onto a flatbed truck), explosions, strangling, neck breaking & head puncturing. The best death occurs when Checkers (…seriously?) maneuvers a knife betwixt her toes during a grounded struggle & kicks it into a guy’s back. I don’t care what your name is at that point…that’s pretty cool.
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiana’s overall yumminess is first on display when she emerges from the San Francisco bay in a wet t-shirt. Strangely, I can’t remember any dialogue during that scene…Anyhow, Tiana also graces the screen in a topless shower scene & and in several cute, Asian gowns that bring the Japanese submissive fetishist out in all of us (guys, that is). There are also some shots of scantly clad models backstage at a show.
Language/Dialogue: A few F words and other mild obscenities to go around. However, none of those beats Waldo’s epic threat of “Give me a name or I’ll give you a vagina!” while interrogating a male suspect & holding a gun to his crotch.
How bad was it?:
The few reviews on Catch the Heat don’t outright bury it but do reiterate the fact that it was nothing more than a routine Action flick in a decade that churned many of them out (and yet, are still like crack to many of us still young at heart).
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Catch the Heat actually made its premiere at Cannes on 5/13/87 & was released in America in October of that year by Trans World Entertainment. No box office/budget figures are known and since few ever heard of Tiana Alexandra after this, I can safely say it wasn’t a monetary success. Maybe if her name wasn’t fucking CHECKERS!!! If you're curious, you can find the film on the MGM DVD label on Amazon.com for as low as $2.76.
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ***1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Blood Games
The Action Mutant…
guesses rednecks make their own gravy.
Blood Games
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
(Note: The “Perspective” will be tweaked somewhat, as it will now be a quote from one of the principles of the film. I may jump back on the soapbox without warning, though.)
“Probably because I look like a dirty drunk and a drifter. They say we play best what we are. God! I hope that's not true.”
- Charles “Buck” Flower, on being typecast.
The Plot, as it was:
Laura Albert plays the pitcher of an all female baseball team that’s managed by her pops Midnight (Ross Hagen). The team whoops on a gaggle of yokels in a game for a grand prize of $1,000 by the score of 17-2 (with the money going forward to pay off Midnight’s gambling debts). The yokels aren’t too pleased about the outcome & a series of events leave Midnight and the local bigwig’s son Roy (Gregory Scott Cummins) dead. The girls end up on the run from the townsfolk, who are offered a grand a head by the bigwig Mino Collins (Luke Shay) to kill all of the baseball babes. It’s like deer hunting season…with boobs!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the “Foxy baseball playing women hunted by crazed, backwoods rednecks” genre, Blood Games is absolutely at the top of the list. In all fairness, Blood Games is one of the most entertaining of the trashy, “women seeking revenge” pics out there & definitely an overlooked one amongst such genre staples as I Spit on Your Grave and Ms. 45. There’s nothing particular that stands out about it but it has the right amount of dark humor, tits & ammo to make for a fun, drunken night of movie watching. Of course, all of this makes for a bad movie in the traditional sense. The “actresses” (many of which can only claim this as their only acting credit) aren’t on screen for their “acting”…lets just say you can’t put your finger on them…err, it. That doesn’t work, either. Anyway, the male side compensates by overacting at every turn but they do have veteran character actors like Hagen & Charles “Buck” Flower (under the pseudonym “Ernest Wall” & playing what he plays best: a goofy, drunk bumpkin) to make things interesting. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Don Dowe as crazed drunk Holt, who gets extra points for wearing a Roddy Piper “Hot Rod!” shirt during the ballgame! Director Tanya Rosenberg gets credit for making the most of a small budget by touching the action with frequent slow motion shots & a fair buildup of the action. Despite these occurrences of competency, Blood Games isn’t meant to be taken seriously at any moment during its run time. The sequencing goes something like this: hillbillies kill one of the gals (or attempt to rape, which may be the only thing that may get to some people), gals mourn their pal, gals plan elaborate ruse & kill hillbilly. Later, rinse & repeat, says the Grindhouse bible (which someone should get to writing…). In fact, the only thing missing from making Blood Games perfect GH fare are the pops, hisses & cig burns that became en vogue with the release of the Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration. All in all, it’s worth a solid triple (yeah, a baseball cliché…I’m fired, aren’t I?).
Body Count/Violence: 16. Have a hillbilly hunt with his bare hands and he’ll last a day…give a hillbilly a shotgun to hunt with and he’ll be in the movies for life! The main death is by said implement & leads to the most blood splatter in the film. People are also run down by buses, shot by arrows, beaten down with baseball bats, hit with big rocks, hanged from trees & impaled. Twas needing a bear trap, though.
Sexuality/Nudity: No exaggeration here…EVERY woman on the baseball team gets naked. The obligatory “locker room” scene has the ladies in several forms of undress & everything is shown in one form or another. A few rape scenes lead to more T&A, which are staples in this sub-genre. The woman also sport the usual tight, clingy early 90s fare that we all know & (not really now) love. Oh, and one of the babes looked like a blond Patricia Tallman. If only…
Language/Dialogue: Ranges from mild to strong but it’s not the thing to look for.
How bad was it?:
The only legit review I read for this little seen fare was from Joe Bob Briggs & needless to say, he says you should check this out. The fan feedback seems to recognize the type of flick this is & don’t try to needlessly compare it to anything Oscar-worthy.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Known by the superior alternate title Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell in Australia, Blood Games was partially filmed in the Sequoia National Forest in California. It was produced by Epic Video & released through RCA/Columbia Home Video on 12/12/90. The VHS (sorry…no DVD yet) can be found on Amazon for as low as $4.98. That’s folding money, baby!
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
guesses rednecks make their own gravy.
Blood Games
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
(Note: The “Perspective” will be tweaked somewhat, as it will now be a quote from one of the principles of the film. I may jump back on the soapbox without warning, though.)
“Probably because I look like a dirty drunk and a drifter. They say we play best what we are. God! I hope that's not true.”
- Charles “Buck” Flower, on being typecast.
The Plot, as it was:
Laura Albert plays the pitcher of an all female baseball team that’s managed by her pops Midnight (Ross Hagen). The team whoops on a gaggle of yokels in a game for a grand prize of $1,000 by the score of 17-2 (with the money going forward to pay off Midnight’s gambling debts). The yokels aren’t too pleased about the outcome & a series of events leave Midnight and the local bigwig’s son Roy (Gregory Scott Cummins) dead. The girls end up on the run from the townsfolk, who are offered a grand a head by the bigwig Mino Collins (Luke Shay) to kill all of the baseball babes. It’s like deer hunting season…with boobs!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
In the “Foxy baseball playing women hunted by crazed, backwoods rednecks” genre, Blood Games is absolutely at the top of the list. In all fairness, Blood Games is one of the most entertaining of the trashy, “women seeking revenge” pics out there & definitely an overlooked one amongst such genre staples as I Spit on Your Grave and Ms. 45. There’s nothing particular that stands out about it but it has the right amount of dark humor, tits & ammo to make for a fun, drunken night of movie watching. Of course, all of this makes for a bad movie in the traditional sense. The “actresses” (many of which can only claim this as their only acting credit) aren’t on screen for their “acting”…lets just say you can’t put your finger on them…err, it. That doesn’t work, either. Anyway, the male side compensates by overacting at every turn but they do have veteran character actors like Hagen & Charles “Buck” Flower (under the pseudonym “Ernest Wall” & playing what he plays best: a goofy, drunk bumpkin) to make things interesting. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Don Dowe as crazed drunk Holt, who gets extra points for wearing a Roddy Piper “Hot Rod!” shirt during the ballgame! Director Tanya Rosenberg gets credit for making the most of a small budget by touching the action with frequent slow motion shots & a fair buildup of the action. Despite these occurrences of competency, Blood Games isn’t meant to be taken seriously at any moment during its run time. The sequencing goes something like this: hillbillies kill one of the gals (or attempt to rape, which may be the only thing that may get to some people), gals mourn their pal, gals plan elaborate ruse & kill hillbilly. Later, rinse & repeat, says the Grindhouse bible (which someone should get to writing…). In fact, the only thing missing from making Blood Games perfect GH fare are the pops, hisses & cig burns that became en vogue with the release of the Rodriguez/Tarantino collaboration. All in all, it’s worth a solid triple (yeah, a baseball cliché…I’m fired, aren’t I?).
Body Count/Violence: 16. Have a hillbilly hunt with his bare hands and he’ll last a day…give a hillbilly a shotgun to hunt with and he’ll be in the movies for life! The main death is by said implement & leads to the most blood splatter in the film. People are also run down by buses, shot by arrows, beaten down with baseball bats, hit with big rocks, hanged from trees & impaled. Twas needing a bear trap, though.
Sexuality/Nudity: No exaggeration here…EVERY woman on the baseball team gets naked. The obligatory “locker room” scene has the ladies in several forms of undress & everything is shown in one form or another. A few rape scenes lead to more T&A, which are staples in this sub-genre. The woman also sport the usual tight, clingy early 90s fare that we all know & (not really now) love. Oh, and one of the babes looked like a blond Patricia Tallman. If only…
Language/Dialogue: Ranges from mild to strong but it’s not the thing to look for.
How bad was it?:
The only legit review I read for this little seen fare was from Joe Bob Briggs & needless to say, he says you should check this out. The fan feedback seems to recognize the type of flick this is & don’t try to needlessly compare it to anything Oscar-worthy.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
Known by the superior alternate title Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell in Australia, Blood Games was partially filmed in the Sequoia National Forest in California. It was produced by Epic Video & released through RCA/Columbia Home Video on 12/12/90. The VHS (sorry…no DVD yet) can be found on Amazon for as low as $4.98. That’s folding money, baby!
Film: *1/2/*****
Entertainment value: ****/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Extreme Prejudice
The Action Mutant…
thinks Walter Hill should just go ahead and make a film called “BALLS”.
Extreme Prejudice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
“Funny, ain't it…how it comes around. Right way's the hardest, wrong way's the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers… crooked men.”
- Sheriff Hank Pearson
Seriously, that's fuckin' deep, man. And shit gets blown up, too! Can't get much better than that.
The Plot, as it was:
Nick Nolte stars as Jack Benteen, a towering Texas Ranger who’s seeing his past catch up with him in a bad way. The ranger & his right hand man Sherriff Hank Pearson (Rip Torn!) have gotten into too many violent altercations with “drug mules” that have been sent across the border to transport narcotia for Benteen’s childhood friend Cash Bailey (Powers Boothe). When Benteen left Texas to become cop many years before, Cash ditched his informant gig, slinked off to Mexico & became a drug kingpin/militant warlord. As if it wasn’t hard enough for Jack to decide whether to go at his former pal with guns ablaze, his girl Sarita (Maria Conchita Alonso) is tired of the lawman’s macho bullshit & threatens to go back to her former flame…Cash Bailey! Meanwhile, a group of off-the-grid soldiers (led by Michael Ironside, so you know they’re all balanced) are planning on taking Cash out themselves & ending all of this drug business. Now, this sounds like a Mexican standoff!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
At one point in Extreme Prejudice, Cash Bailey snarls at a female to “show us your tits if you want to be useful”. That pretty much spells out EP to the casual audience, as this is a MAN’S movie. You got Nolte looking like he’s been carved from an oak tree & resembling a modernized Gary Cooper. There’s Boothe, all P&V and mirroring the devil incarnate per Sonny Crockett’s evil twin. Add to that Rip Torn cracking wise, Ironside being Ironside (himself, not Raymond Burr in a wheelchair), William Forsythe, Clancy “The Kurgan himself” Brown and the fact that this is directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs., Southern Comfort)…well, lets just say no one is going to be sitting down for tea in this one! EP plays out like a lost Peckinpah film (only with less slo-mo) and continues the tradition of Hill’s films being present day Westerns, which starts with Nolte. This is not the scraggly, booze soaked Nolte from 48 Hrs. or the goofy eccentric seen a year before in Down and Out in Beverly Hills; this one leaves the over-the-top histrionics behind. Tough & lean, Nolte’s Benteen has been weathered by the Texas sun & haunted by the inability to settle things right. He doesn’t want violence to take place but he doesn’t necessarily have to be talked into a gunfight, either. He’s easily complemented by Boothe, whose sardonic tone adds to every line the man utters (“I got a feeling the next time we run into each other, we gonna have a killin'.”). The supporting work is tops as well & Torn just about steals the flick outright with his snappy dialogue. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to be nearly deflated when he was taken out of the pic way too early (sorry to spoil it but the sidekick/older mentor always gets plugged so it’s not like its something new). Don’t fret however…the film boasts everything that makes an 80s Action classic and then some. The action is expertly shot & photographed to the point that you somehow FEEL sweaty and dusty after watching. If EP has anything going against it, it’s that it may be a bit too ambitious. The subplot with the “dead soldiers” complicates the rest of the framework & you can definitely tell it was John Milus’ contribution to the story. It’s arguable that the story would work just fine if Jack & Cash were left alone but the inclusion of the mercenaries makes it ultimately seem like an excuse to make sure the body count is upped. The end brings that prophecy to fruition (as well as enough plasma for half a dozen blood banks) but even the convoluted plot is not enough to dampen the grade A entertainment that is Extreme Prejudice.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Mickey Jones plays Chub Luke. Jones has been in just about everything but may be best known as the grease monkey that tells Chevy Chase “All of it, boy!” when pressing him for money in Vacation. Jones actually signs all of his autographs with that line.
- Lin Shaye (Kingpin, 2001 Maniacs) is the “Employment Office Clerk”.
Body Count/Violence: 42. The red soaked year of 1987 was aided immensely by Prejudice as the majority of the cast is blasted into bloody heaps by everything from shotguns, pump action Winchesters, Gatling guns and other automatic weaponry. This one may only be behind Robocop for that year’s bloodiest American Action flick. Also included is an explosion, a rat being knifed and…what ever you do, don’t accept a rabbit as a gift any time soon!
Sexuality/Nudity: Alonso fulfills the male checklist early on with a nice full frontal shot of her coming out of a shower. Another woman’s breasts are shown while she’s in bed in one scene.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for the era, with a decent amount of strong profanities involved. Plenty of memorable lines are spoken but nothing stands up to Torn’s immortal “The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester.”
How bad was it?:
Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up and Siskel went as far as calling it the closest to the mold of a classic Western in the 80s. Other critics not in tune with the genre gave it a mixed response, citing either its resemblance to The Wild Bunch or the fact it was just too ghastly & violent. Look at the cast, the director & the fact that the story was partly accredited to Captain NRA himself; if you were expecting Disney then you deserved to be disgusted because you’re dumb.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
TriStar & Carolco Entertainment released Extreme Prejudice on 4/24/87, where it debuted in 2nd place behind the Michael J. Fox vehicle The Secret of My Success with $3.5 million. The spring of ’87 proved to be a slow patch at the box office in general & EP dropped out of sight about a month after its opening, closing out with $11.3 million (no budget was announced). Despite its lackluster B.O., Extreme Prejudice developed a cult following since then & can be found on DVD on the Artisan Entertainment label.
Film: ****/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
thinks Walter Hill should just go ahead and make a film called “BALLS”.
Extreme Prejudice
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
“Funny, ain't it…how it comes around. Right way's the hardest, wrong way's the easiest. Rule of nature, like water seeks the path of least resistance. So you get crooked rivers… crooked men.”
- Sheriff Hank Pearson
Seriously, that's fuckin' deep, man. And shit gets blown up, too! Can't get much better than that.
The Plot, as it was:
Nick Nolte stars as Jack Benteen, a towering Texas Ranger who’s seeing his past catch up with him in a bad way. The ranger & his right hand man Sherriff Hank Pearson (Rip Torn!) have gotten into too many violent altercations with “drug mules” that have been sent across the border to transport narcotia for Benteen’s childhood friend Cash Bailey (Powers Boothe). When Benteen left Texas to become cop many years before, Cash ditched his informant gig, slinked off to Mexico & became a drug kingpin/militant warlord. As if it wasn’t hard enough for Jack to decide whether to go at his former pal with guns ablaze, his girl Sarita (Maria Conchita Alonso) is tired of the lawman’s macho bullshit & threatens to go back to her former flame…Cash Bailey! Meanwhile, a group of off-the-grid soldiers (led by Michael Ironside, so you know they’re all balanced) are planning on taking Cash out themselves & ending all of this drug business. Now, this sounds like a Mexican standoff!
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
At one point in Extreme Prejudice, Cash Bailey snarls at a female to “show us your tits if you want to be useful”. That pretty much spells out EP to the casual audience, as this is a MAN’S movie. You got Nolte looking like he’s been carved from an oak tree & resembling a modernized Gary Cooper. There’s Boothe, all P&V and mirroring the devil incarnate per Sonny Crockett’s evil twin. Add to that Rip Torn cracking wise, Ironside being Ironside (himself, not Raymond Burr in a wheelchair), William Forsythe, Clancy “The Kurgan himself” Brown and the fact that this is directed by Walter Hill (48 Hrs., Southern Comfort)…well, lets just say no one is going to be sitting down for tea in this one! EP plays out like a lost Peckinpah film (only with less slo-mo) and continues the tradition of Hill’s films being present day Westerns, which starts with Nolte. This is not the scraggly, booze soaked Nolte from 48 Hrs. or the goofy eccentric seen a year before in Down and Out in Beverly Hills; this one leaves the over-the-top histrionics behind. Tough & lean, Nolte’s Benteen has been weathered by the Texas sun & haunted by the inability to settle things right. He doesn’t want violence to take place but he doesn’t necessarily have to be talked into a gunfight, either. He’s easily complemented by Boothe, whose sardonic tone adds to every line the man utters (“I got a feeling the next time we run into each other, we gonna have a killin'.”). The supporting work is tops as well & Torn just about steals the flick outright with his snappy dialogue. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one to be nearly deflated when he was taken out of the pic way too early (sorry to spoil it but the sidekick/older mentor always gets plugged so it’s not like its something new). Don’t fret however…the film boasts everything that makes an 80s Action classic and then some. The action is expertly shot & photographed to the point that you somehow FEEL sweaty and dusty after watching. If EP has anything going against it, it’s that it may be a bit too ambitious. The subplot with the “dead soldiers” complicates the rest of the framework & you can definitely tell it was John Milus’ contribution to the story. It’s arguable that the story would work just fine if Jack & Cash were left alone but the inclusion of the mercenaries makes it ultimately seem like an excuse to make sure the body count is upped. The end brings that prophecy to fruition (as well as enough plasma for half a dozen blood banks) but even the convoluted plot is not enough to dampen the grade A entertainment that is Extreme Prejudice.
Character/Supporting Actor Sighting!:
- Mickey Jones plays Chub Luke. Jones has been in just about everything but may be best known as the grease monkey that tells Chevy Chase “All of it, boy!” when pressing him for money in Vacation. Jones actually signs all of his autographs with that line.
- Lin Shaye (Kingpin, 2001 Maniacs) is the “Employment Office Clerk”.
Body Count/Violence: 42. The red soaked year of 1987 was aided immensely by Prejudice as the majority of the cast is blasted into bloody heaps by everything from shotguns, pump action Winchesters, Gatling guns and other automatic weaponry. This one may only be behind Robocop for that year’s bloodiest American Action flick. Also included is an explosion, a rat being knifed and…what ever you do, don’t accept a rabbit as a gift any time soon!
Sexuality/Nudity: Alonso fulfills the male checklist early on with a nice full frontal shot of her coming out of a shower. Another woman’s breasts are shown while she’s in bed in one scene.
Language/Dialogue: Fairly strong for the era, with a decent amount of strong profanities involved. Plenty of memorable lines are spoken but nothing stands up to Torn’s immortal “The only thing worse than a politician is a child molester.”
How bad was it?:
Siskel & Ebert gave it two thumbs up and Siskel went as far as calling it the closest to the mold of a classic Western in the 80s. Other critics not in tune with the genre gave it a mixed response, citing either its resemblance to The Wild Bunch or the fact it was just too ghastly & violent. Look at the cast, the director & the fact that the story was partly accredited to Captain NRA himself; if you were expecting Disney then you deserved to be disgusted because you’re dumb.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
TriStar & Carolco Entertainment released Extreme Prejudice on 4/24/87, where it debuted in 2nd place behind the Michael J. Fox vehicle The Secret of My Success with $3.5 million. The spring of ’87 proved to be a slow patch at the box office in general & EP dropped out of sight about a month after its opening, closing out with $11.3 million (no budget was announced). Despite its lackluster B.O., Extreme Prejudice developed a cult following since then & can be found on DVD on the Artisan Entertainment label.
Film: ****/*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Ninja Death
The Action Mutant…
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
doesn’t even know what that means!
Ninja Death
review by Joe Burrows
Perspective:
I have read everything from “It’s the greatest martial arts saga ever made” (with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, I’m sure) to “Why wasn’t this ever on MST3K?” Reading this kind of “buzz” made me want to see Ninja Death which, as at it turns out, is not just a feature length film but a three part serial. I should have realized this when the first part didn’t really end…it just kind of stopped in mid-stream. Then again, does a film that has no opening or closing credits really end to begin with? End…to begin with? Did I just say that? Harrumph! I had obviously found a formidable film to review in Ninja Death, a flick so bad (or good) that it could make my head spontaneously combust in a bright, red scream…or just develop a dull headache after thinking about it too much.
The Plot, as it was:
Alexander Lou is Tiger, a bouncer at a Hong Kong brothel who is dismayed to learn that another brothel has opened up on the other side of town. The Grand Master (the owner of the new brothel and, judging by his costuming, an extra from Flash Gordon) did not just set up shop to compete as he is looking for the man that possesses a tattoo of a plum flower on his chest. The tattoo is symbolic of future greatness for the one who wears it…and a target for those wanting to take him out. Tiger’s mentor The Master (who apparently isn’t good enough to be “Grand”) readies his tattooed pupil for combat against GM and his many fighters, which includes Devil Mask, a crazy cat that can be lulled into calmness or combat by a play of Grand Master’s flute. Oh, and there’s seemingly a dozen other parallel plotlines that appear & reappear without rhyme or reasoning.
Don’t shoot me…I’m only the reviewer!:
Knowing of Ninja Death’s existence is one thing; watching the whole 254 minute trek from bell to bell is another. I did NOT watch this all in one sitting, mind you. I may be a masochist but I don’t advocate running crotch first into a cactus either, since both of these activities are as equally risky. Let’s put it another way…think of every amateurish trapping that cheap kung fu flicks that air on your local TV station at 2 a.m. are known for. Now think of them running non-stop for a little over four hours. Mind bending, no? Though viewing Ninja Death in three increments doesn’t make it any better in quality, it does help absorb the eternal badness of it all. The first part is not only loaded with some (admittedly) good fight scenes but enough gratuitous sex & raunchy jokes to make you think this was produced in Canada by two guys from National Lampoon (and with a budget to match, too!). Part two gets relentlessly talky & ends up making for a boring midsection by trying to fill in all of the backstory at once (like anyone is actually watching this for the plot, which is a mess to put it lightly). The concluding third goes all out with the fight scenes & actually ends this polarizing craziness about as well as it can be. All of this doesn’t make the viewer forget that this is staggeringly horrible, yet it is strangely watchable in its ineptness. Hell, the dubbed voices switched from American to British mid-way through the first part! The SFX & dialogue are laughable (In response to Tiger wanting a fire to be made, Master retorts “If we made a fire, the cold air would go directly into your body and kill you!” Remember that one for camping trips, scouts.) and some of the deaths are absurd to the extreme. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all you can ask for in your grade Z, chop socky fare & Ninja Death delivers in spades. If only there was more Devil Mask!
Body Count/Violence: 126! (Part 1=73, Part 2=16, Part 3=37). Seeing as it clocks in at over four hours, the rate of death in Ninja Death may not be as great as you’d expect. However, the troublemaker kid in you will be on the floor once ninjas of all kinds are stabbed & slashed with swords from every corner. Along with the standard martial arts (which are pretty fun & actually the one part of the production resembling competence), there’s a decapitation & a bashed in head or two. Of course, Devil Mask provides the best NINJA DEATH as he rips off a guard’s head & pulls what appears to be phone cord covered in cranberry sauce out of another guard’s chest (or out of his vest…I could have been mistaken).
Sexuality/Nudity: Tiger’s whorehouse shows off a good deal of bare breasts & behind, either in undress or in some sexual position. There are two lengthy sex scenes, including a flashback scene complete with the screen focused in a golden tint so…that’s classy, huh?
Language/Dialogue: Not a lot but there are a few “shits” & Tiger responding to his whorehouse being slain by yelling “Who did it, motherfuckers?” in a manner so out of place you’d think Van Damme said it.
How bad was it?:
Apparently, only a small number of reprobates and/or unemployed know of Ninja Death because there isn’t much in the way of opinion for it. Every piece of fan feedback I read pretty much echoes my statements of it being one of the most hilariously inept kung fu epics ever put on celluloid.
Did it make the studio’s day?:
There are only two credited actors & an unaccredited director listed on IMDB so I’m just assuming this crap was produced by magic, crack smoking pixies and distributed by some one with a Mexican black tar heroin addiction. It was supposedly distributed in Hong Kong in 1987 but it looks like it was made a few years before that to me. It’s available on DVD through Reel Classic Films (two disc set, no less!) or in the now infamous Martial Arts 50 Movie Pack Collection that you can find on Amazon for fairly cheap.
Film: */*****
Entertainment value: ****1/2/*****
Copyright 2009 The Action Mutant.
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